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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be fuming with my DH?

25 replies

Erimentha · 20/02/2013 11:34

It's DD2 birthday today and in the whole preparations for the day all I have asked him to do was put a birthday banner up last night because I couldn't reach. Then today to watch the birthday cake DD1 DD2 and I made yesterday for DD2's birthday while I went to get the icing sugar out the cupboard to make buttercream. He walked out the room and when I turn round the dog is eating the cake, so now half of it is gone :(. Then I asked him to watch DD2 as she was icing another cake in left over buttercream and instead he decides to do something else and she gets hold of the edible glitter and pours the whole lot on the cake she is playing with. I had got it out to put on top of her cake as she wanted a pink sparkly cake. He hasn't apologised for either of these and I'm just really upset as the girls and I worked really hard on the cake yesterday and because he couldn't wait 2 minutes to do something else and keep an eye on things the cake is ruined.

OP posts:

HollyBerryBush · 20/02/2013 11:40

Sling another load of icing on top.

hellsbellsmelons · 20/02/2013 11:42

YANBU to expect this but YABU to expect him to actually do it!!!
I would have been having words though. Did you tell him how upset you are that he couldn't follow simple instructions and things have now been ruined?
Seems like you will need to treat him like a child and tell him what you want him to do and then tell him he is NOT allowed to go off and do something else until you have given him permission to do so!!!
Men!!! Arrrggghhhhhh...................

KellyElly · 20/02/2013 11:46

YANBU to expect this but YABU to expect him to actually do it!!! I would have been having words though. Did you tell him how upset you are that he couldn't follow simple instructions and things have now been ruined?
Seems like you will need to treat him like a child and tell him what you want him to do and then tell him he is NOT allowed to go off and do something else until you have given him permission to do so!!! Men!!! Arrrggghhhhhh................... Wow, men are fully functioning adults you know. What a depressing post

OP, let him make a new cake!

Startail · 20/02/2013 11:46

I would have killed him for letting DD or Dog ruin cake making.

I don't do it very often and I'm very fussy when I do.

When he'd been resurrected, he would be baking another cake or off to the shop to buy one.

However, OP you do realise you did break the first commandment of birthday cake making.

thou shalt ice birthday cakes betwixt the hours of 11pm and 1am , when everyone else is in bed.

ThePavlovianCat · 20/02/2013 11:53

*YANBU to expect this but YABU to expect him to actually do it!!!
I would have been having words though. Did you tell him how upset you are that he couldn't follow simple instructions and things have now been ruined?
Seems like you will need to treat him like a child and tell him what you want him to do and then tell him he is NOT allowed to go off and do something else until you have given him permission to do so!!!
Men!!! Arrrggghhhhhh................... *

I'm a bit horrified by this response tbh. OP - YANBU. Definitely get him to remake the cake and then he'll appreciate the work involved and will hopefully apologise!

hellsbellsmelons · 20/02/2013 11:54

Oh KELLY - I know - but I've read so many posts on here recently about how bloody incapable and thoughtless men actually are.
It is depressing!

Saski · 20/02/2013 11:57

People might talk about how men are treated like children and they'll act them, but FFS, why can't men just help out around the house without fucking everything up?

I understand that not ALL men are like this, but a lot are (mine is. Nice guy, good husband, good dad, but fucking useless around the house). Not sure how old your husband is, but I think most 40 year old men are still living in the 70's because of the way they were raised.

I hope my boys are different.

Saski · 20/02/2013 12:00

And, my husband never apologizes for anything. Spill a glass of red wine on the couch - and it's my OCD that's the problem, not the red wine stain on the couch. An apology goes a long way. Sorry to hijack your thread OP - I feel for you. But your story will be funny in hindsight!! :-)

fairylightsinthesnow · 20/02/2013 12:04

YANBU to pissed off. Especially as he hasn't apologised. In what way does he think what he did was acceptable and therefore not worthy of an apology? Its the no apology thing that pisses me off when DH does stuff like this. If he does say sorry, its usually followed by "but blah blah not my fault actually" which sort of undoes it. Maybe don'r spoil the day with a row now but speak to him calmly about it tonight or tomorrow and make him realise how this actually IS a deal - not even so much the ruined cake, but the lack of consideration for the fact you have out time and effort into something and he has not valued that.

Fakebook · 20/02/2013 12:06

Why can't the dog be kept away from the kitchen? Did you expect your DH to sit there staring at the cake? It's not really your dh's fault is it? I'd be angry with the dog. Maybe keep it away next time you're doing something important in the kitchen?

The glitter thing is just luck isn't it? Infact both things are bad luck. He just happened to walk out and things went pear shaped.

Unless he does this every day all the time, I don't think you can be angry at him.

Saski · 20/02/2013 12:09

She probably had the cake temporarily placed in a uniquely bad place - awaiting its frosting - and had to step away only for a few minutes to make the frosting. Moving cakes can be tricky business. I doubt his job was to stand watch over a cake for a really long time.

thebody · 20/02/2013 12:11

My dh sounds like you op.i am hopeless at cake making and would leave him to do that and probably spoil it as well, but in our case it would be the cat eating it.

Go to the shop and buy a cake. It's dds birthday so relax.

She wants to enjoy it not hear parents fight.

Dh made mistakes, we all do even I suggest you.

Please stop with all the sexist crap.

pumpkinsweetie · 20/02/2013 12:15

Yanbu, he needs to step-up!
Send him out to buy another cake, then TELL him to put the banner up, never ASK, because some men need to be told and told again

thebody · 20/02/2013 12:20

' never ask as some men need to be told and told again'!!!

REALLY Jesus imagine posting that with woman replacing man!!!

How disgustingly sexist, nasty and bullying that sounds.

thebody · 20/02/2013 12:23

Need to apologise as saw smily face.

Off to twat land... Sorry pumpkin.

pumpkinsweetie · 20/02/2013 12:23

But if op is doing all the work, the dp should help out.
Why should the other half of the couple not help.
I should have worded it better, not very good at wording things

ElephantsAndMiasmas · 20/02/2013 12:27

Yanbu at all Poor DD. I don't understand why he didn't feel bad about your hard work and his daughter's cake being ruined because he wandered off. Keeping an eye for a few minutes while someone goes off to get sugar is not rocket science. Is he mentally quite with it?

Original poster

Erimentha · 20/02/2013 12:31

Cake was temporarily on worktop waiting to be decorated, I had to just walk to pantry to get icing sugar so he had to watch for maybe 45 seconds max. Dog was in the other room, as he went out he let the dog in who then decided to be opportunistic. Feeling a bit calmer now, just a run of bad luck I think.

OP posts:

Whirliwig72 · 20/02/2013 13:04

He can blooming buy you a lovely new cake from m&s sharpish! What a dip stick

Isityouorme · 20/02/2013 13:24

Send him out to buy a new one pls some wine for you to apologise for being a dick.

SonOfAradia · 20/02/2013 13:50

Not sure how old your husband is, but I think most 40 year old men are still living in the 70's because of the way they were raised.

Lawks! Sexist AND ageist in one fell swoop!

I was born in 1967 and do a lot of stuff around the house. My wife doesn't even know how to use the washing machine or dishwasher because that's my department. I also do most of the cooking, because I'm better at it. Even then, the rule seems to be: I cook, I tidy the kitchen and sort out the washing up. She cooks, I tidy the kitchen and sort out the washing up. C'est la vie. She does do most of the ironing, mind. Otherwise we split tasks fairly evenly.

SonOfAradia · 20/02/2013 13:50

But OP, YANBU.

Pandemoniaa · 20/02/2013 13:56

Not sure how old your husband is, but I think most 40 year old men are still living in the 70's because of the way they were raised.

What?!

DP is considerably older than 40 and was certainly NOT raised to lead his life like a bad 1970's sitcom. Neither was my ex-h nor most of my male friends. However, as is lamentably apparent from regular threads on MN, lazy, thoughtless men can be many, many years younger. It's a question of character, not age.

Saski · 20/02/2013 15:34

OK well it sounds to me like I'm drawing based on my own personal experience, and you're drawing on yours. I didn't say "all" men, by the way.

BelleEtLaBaby · 20/02/2013 15:35

To get my dh to do things I think are important and he does not (ie putting up birthday decorations) I do have to stand over him and instruct him to do it right now, while I watch, thank you. He is a massive procrastinator and can somehow find 10 other things to do in any given situation (for example, attempting to leave the house).

This is not because he is a man. It is because he is a massive procrastinator :)

Personality and gender are not necessarily related, remember... :)

Op: if your dp is like mine, he probably just didn't forsee the disasters you did. I find specifics help.

So not: please keep an eye on this cake (dh would just think, why? What's it going to do? And wander off.).

I'd say something like: please stay here for one minute and make SURE the dog does not eat the cake. (dh would think: ok. It's man vs dog. I am now the Cake Guardian and I MUST NOT LOSE)

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