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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be a bit annoyed and offended by this parent

21 replies

Amsterdamicecream · 19/02/2013 22:51

Mother of a girl dd is friends with is very over protective. I invited her dd out with us tomorrow as the mother is working and we are having a meet up with lots of school friends. I thought it would be nice for her dd to join. Anyway I was surprised when the mother said yes as I didn't think she would trust me to look after her dd (the only other time I have looked after her on my own the mother rang me eight times!) I have now just had a text from another mother who has spoken to overprotective mother who said she was worried about her dd coming tomorrow. FFS why did she say yes if she doesn't trust me. I was only trying to be nice really won't bother next time. Ok rant over!

OP posts:

NaturalBaby · 19/02/2013 22:54

It's obviously not enough of a problem for the mum to say no or say anything to you directly so just pretend you didn't hear it. What have you got planned? If it's a group of friends then the girl is bound to have fun isn't she?

TheChaoGoesMu · 19/02/2013 22:56

Did the first mother ask the second mother to txt you?

narmada · 19/02/2013 22:56

Um perhaps there is a reason she is overprotective. Violent ex partner, something terrible once happened to her child in care of someone else; maybe the mother has crippling anxieties.

Why do you need to be so judgemental?

Shakey1500 · 19/02/2013 22:57

You've heard it secondhand though. And through a text.

It could be that she was saying she was worrying in general. Not that she was worried because it was you who was looking after her DD.

So I think you're being a bit unreasonable

Scootee · 19/02/2013 23:03

I think you might be a bit harsh with your judgement. This woman is anxious about her dd - it's nothing personal to you, it's anxiety that she has. There could be various reasons or simply anxiety itself. Don't take it personally.

MrsTerryPratchett · 19/02/2013 23:05

Second parent sounds like a shit-stirrer.

wonderwoman2012 · 19/02/2013 23:05

The mum was in the wrong to tell you about the text. Not a nice thing to hear.

The other mother may just be an anxious mum. It is always hard to when your child goes some where new or is looked after by someone new.

I would just try to forget anything was ever said. She has not cancelled after all.

Original poster

Amsterdamicecream · 19/02/2013 23:10

Yes point taken it is secondhand information but it didn't surprise me. Your right she is so over protective about everything it is obviously a big deal for her. The thing is I am sure her dd will love it and have a great time.

OP posts:

Shakey1500 · 19/02/2013 23:14

And that will help her. If she knows her DD is enjoying herself and with lots of reassurance from yourself, then it may go some way in her being able to relax. From what I'm sure must be mentally exhausting for her in some ways.

TheChaoGoesMu · 19/02/2013 23:15

Well just take her dd out and have fun. It will get easier for her mum in the end. No big deal.

Greensleeves · 19/02/2013 23:21

The way I read it, she does't want you to know she is anxious because she doesn't want to cancel, she wants her dd to have a good time and she doesn't want to upset you because you are doing a lovely thing.

She probably feels guilty that her anxiety holds her daughter back and is trying not to let it get the better of her.

But she felt worried and needed reassurance, so she asked for it from someone else, who then rather stupidly told her

You are doing a kind thing, and the more positive experiences she and her dd have the more confidence she will develop. You could be doing the daughter an enormous favour. Don't take it personally.

Greensleeves · 19/02/2013 23:21

told YOU, not her

CarpetBagger · 19/02/2013 23:22

Exactly - ^ Greensleeves.

thebody · 19/02/2013 23:27

Agree greensleeves and op ,Maybe mum had a dreadful experience as a child and just wants to protect her own dd.

She must trust you or she would have said no.

Hope you have a super day.

HecateWhoopass · 20/02/2013 07:42

Well. The friend is a shit, aren't they?

This woman possibly has an anxiety for whatever reason. Is trying to deal with it. Is letting her child come over despite the fact that it is triggering her anxiety (for reasons you don't know), she's not said a word to you about it but confided in someone else.

Who broke their neck to come and tell you.

tsk.

Just pretend you don't know. Make sure the child has a great time. Show the mum that she's nothing to worry about. It may help her deal with whatever it is that causes her to fret.

JustGiveMeFiveMinutes · 20/02/2013 07:50

DS1 has a friend who has a very over protective mother and when they were little it was really hard work trying not to be offended by her.
Carry on with your plans as usual but make sure you text her with updates on how things are going otherwise she'll bombard you with phone calls.

TheNebulousBoojum · 20/02/2013 07:57

Second mother is being a stirrer.
The best thing you can do, as has already been said, is make sure the girl has a lovely time and that you return her undamaged in any way. Then her mother will know that she trusted you once and it worked out, so she might be willing to do it again.
It depends if you can put your hurt feelings and ego to one side for the long-term goal of helping two people. You don't know why she's over-protective, she could have reason.

Adversecamber · 20/02/2013 08:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Buzzardbird · 20/02/2013 08:33

She is not 'over protective', she is 'protective'. That is my job as a mother, also have anxieties for very good reasons. As long as she allows it to go ahead for the sake of her dd couldn't you just put up with the checking? Its how she copes. Its not really hurting anyone is it?

badtemperedaldbitch · 20/02/2013 08:36

I'd keep texting the overprotective mother with little updates so the mum isn't too anxious

UnrequitedSkink · 20/02/2013 08:48

There was a lady like this at our old school. It turned out that her own mother had abandoned her as a small child. :(

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