In thinking DH is a bastard of the highest order...

[slatternlymother]

He has eaten a whole share bag of Malteasers.

I have had 4.

The utter bastard has fucking eaten the rest in handfuls.

You need to do what we do in the Contract household. Get 2 bowls, measure every single Malteser/Minstrel/whatever into the bowls evenly. If there is an odd one left over then the measurer gets it. Once bowls are distributed you are not allowed access to the other person's bowl under any circumstances.

I've got a box of Maltesers here, it clearly states: 37g per portion!
He has eaten 6 portions!!

You certainly need a secret Malteser hiding place.

ps I float them in glasses of Baileys.

My DH eats my chocolate whilst maintaining that he doesn't really like chocolate!!! How does that work???!! ChoccieNickingBastard.