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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to moan about doing absolutely everything during the week?

31 replies

ChewinTheFat · 19/02/2013 21:33

So a typical day today

Wake at 6.30am
Put a washing in, quick tidy up
Wake kids about 7.30, make their breakfast
Get myself ready, drink coffee on the go
Take kids to school then go to work (9-2)
Get home at 2pm, walk dog, eat sandwich on the go
Pick kids up at 3pm
Take kids to activities
Come home, prepare dinner, serve dinner.
Take dd to gymnastics
Do dishes
Do homework with kids
Organise clothes for next day
Take ds2 to football training (7.30-9.00)

Plank arse on the sofa and draw Husband dirty looks as he got home at 5pm and hasn't moved from the sofa since after dinner (not even for a pee)!!

In between the above I've taken the dog out 3 times. Seriously it's a mans life alright. And I have a migraine coming. This is my life Monday-Friday.

So basically AIBU as I only work PT so all the above is down to me or am I a mug? Dh was up and away to work at 6.30am btw.

OP posts:
CailinDana · 19/02/2013 21:39

YANBU. You're not a servant but you sure act like one.

YouTheCat · 19/02/2013 21:40

Why can't he walk the dog and do some of the child ferrying duties?

MsVestibule · 19/02/2013 21:42

So what is his response when you point out the unequal division of labour?

ceeveebee · 19/02/2013 21:42

YABU. You have a choice - just don't do it. And tell your DH that you won't do it

diabolo · 19/02/2013 21:42

Surely he could walk the dog and make dinner or do the footy training?

Original poster
ChewinTheFat · 19/02/2013 21:43

He's tired...

He makes the packed lunches (only because I don't give him enough in his lunchbox)

OP posts:
googlenut · 19/02/2013 21:46

Get rid of the dog and you'd have an hour to yourself between 2-3. Or get Dh to do football so you can have some time to yourself.

Iaintdunnuffink · 19/02/2013 21:47

I'd tell him straight, I'm organising the kids homework and clothes, you do the dishes. My god , did he just eat then not help clear up!

Any childish moaning would result in no food made for him the next day.

diabolo · 19/02/2013 21:47

I'd get rid of the DH instead of the dog Grin

Original poster
ChewinTheFat · 19/02/2013 21:48

Last Tuesday he done the footy training run because I purposely got in the shower 10 mins before pick up.

I get that he's tired, he has a physically demanding job but I'm tired too. Just wish he would help out more and I wouldn't need to nag. When I nag he mentions things like taking out the rubbish, making packed lunches ( big deal) those jobs I can live with, they take minutes.

OP posts:
Original poster
ChewinTheFat · 19/02/2013 21:51

I think the dog walking keeps me half sane, couldn't get rid of the dog, no way. At least the dog helps Hoover up the crumbs! Dh on the other hand...

iaintdunnuffink yes left the table and retreated to the comfort of the sofa!

OP posts:
CailinDana · 19/02/2013 21:52

Swap jobs with him - tell him you'll take the terrible tasks of lunches and bins off his hands and he can do the dog walking and footy run. See how that goes down.

Oh and it's not "helping out" - you are not the housekeeper. He is an adult and should do an equal share.

Original poster
ChewinTheFat · 19/02/2013 22:17

I know, makes me feel pathetic seeing it written down :(

OP posts:
woopsidaisy · 19/02/2013 22:29

YANBU
I'm a SAHM, it is mid term here. The first two are 8 and 6. Have wee baby. We have friends coming tomorrow for a few days.
Baby is teething like mad. Kids had friends in for plays etc, crazy day trying to get house sorted, washing done etc. All with unsettled baby in tow.
DH gets home,I make quick dinner-omelettes, as cant be arsed to do any cooking, am wrecked. DH goes for cycle, comes home. Does ironing whilst insisting I sit down. Brings me cold drink and does my hot water bottles. He says I've been working all day and night-baby wakes A LOT! This is how we share the load and respect each other.
Your DH thinks he works harder and full time, therefore he thinks he is entitled to sit on his arse. He doesn't care that you are tired too, cos he is selfish. Re-educate him.

Original poster
ChewinTheFat · 19/02/2013 22:51

Well I just had a rant about it all. His reply "if you don't like it you know what to do"

Yes I do.

OP posts:
CailinDana · 19/02/2013 22:53

Oh dear, that's not good. So basically he'd rather end your marriage than get off his lazy arse.

What's next?

Original poster
ChewinTheFat · 19/02/2013 22:57

I don't know, I'm too tired to even think. I've just crawled into bed with dd and going to try and sleep this monster headache off :(

OP posts:
Original poster
ChewinTheFat · 19/02/2013 23:02

One thing I do know, I won't be treated like this for much longer, may as well be here myself anyway.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 19/02/2013 23:10

Start a thread in relationships or get this moved. Your 'D'H has told you how much you are worth to him, you need to decide if you agree.

woopsidaisy · 19/02/2013 23:10

Oh Chewin. That was horrible to hear. Hope your headache clears.

Original poster
ChewinTheFat · 19/02/2013 23:27

I just feel like running away, had enough of it all

OP posts:
WafflyVersatile · 19/02/2013 23:43

Write down the daily schedule to show him clearly how work is being divided. Sometimes we all see the bits we do and not the bits the others do.

And call his bluff on the 'you know what you can do about it'.

Morloth · 20/02/2013 03:39

Well that is pretty clear then.

Either keep doing everything or dump his arse.

Iteotwawki · 20/02/2013 03:50

Actually I think yabu. In our household DH works part time (9-3) and does school run, childcare, homework, activity ferrying, dog walking, lunches, laundry, clearing up after dinner etc. My job isn't even physically demanding (it is mentally though).

My contribution is to batch cook meals at weekends (DH preps and clears up afterwards). He then defrosts and reheats meals to serve in the evenings. If I'm home in time I do baths & bed but I'm not often home in time.

I do tell him (often) that I appreciate how hard he works which may be the difference.

He does the bins too.

Morloth · 20/02/2013 04:10

DH works minimum 12 hour days. I do 3 days a week. Most 'house' stuff is done by me on the other 2 days.

He would not sit on the lounge while I ran around after the kids, he would pick up his fair share so we can both crash out together.

It isn't about who is right and who is wrong and who does more hours. It is about working together as a partnership to get everyone as happy as possible.

DH loves me, he doesn't want to see me exhausted and cranky and stressed out when he has the power to take some of that away.

I always wonder on these threads how the husband reconciles treating his wife so poorly with claiming to love her.

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