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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want dp to have vasectomy?

21 replies

Crawling · 19/02/2013 19:09

I have my reasons for this 1 is I want a coil instead now im going to list my reasons and see if IABU.

I am not sure ive finished having dc and while dp is sure I dont want him to do something permanent.

We are young im only 25 and dp is 28.

I have bipolar and I have in the past slept around while manic without contraception I want a coil so if this happens again I wont have to face a unwanted pg.

Im worried as we are so young dp may regret a vasectomy if we split up.

The only reason dp wants one is because I tried to have a coil fitted before and it failed but that was a birth ago and not during a period. I have now started having periods and I have given birth again so think it will be different

OP posts:

Original poster

Crawling · 19/02/2013 19:11

Sorry pressed post to soon. But dp has booked a vasectomy and said if I dont get a coil fitted he will have it but I have had to have a medical procedure which means I have to wait 6 weeks from now by which time it will be done.

OP posts:

Groovee · 19/02/2013 19:42

It took over 6 months for my dh to get a date for the snip.

Original poster

Crawling · 19/02/2013 19:47

He has a date 7th March but ive been trying to get a coil fitted as we agreed that if I got one he wouldnt have one but I have been unable due to gyni problems.

OP posts:

TallyGrenshall · 19/02/2013 19:48

If he is sure that he has finished having DC then I don't think it would be fair for you to stop him having the vasectomy

SchroSawMargeryDaw · 19/02/2013 19:48

Could you have an implant instead if you are that desperate?

SchroSawMargeryDaw · 19/02/2013 19:48

I also agree with Tally. It is his decision and if he doesn't want anymore kids then that's that.

Flobbadobs · 19/02/2013 19:51

Is the date in March for the op or the pre op check up? It took my DH around 9 months to get his date through from the initial gp consultation.

Original poster

Crawling · 19/02/2013 20:06

Its for the op hes had the pre op the appointment came quickly, I cant have the implant. I wont say he cant have it as its his body, but I really dont want him to

OP posts:

Losingexcessweight · 19/02/2013 20:27

I would be really upset if my dh had the snip when i wasnt sure our family was complete. As dh may change his mind about children in afew years.

I have know afew women whos dh had the snip and they have lost their sex drive (the men that is)

countrykitten · 19/02/2013 20:36

His body, his decision.

The above post about losing his sex drive....my DH has had the snip and this is certainly not the case! I cannot possibly speak for every man but I am pretty sure that this is scaremongering as I have never ever heard the like.

Bunbaker · 19/02/2013 20:43

"I have know afew women whos dh had the snip and they have lost their sex drive (the men that is)"

That is a particularly unhelpful comment.

"I have bipolar and I have in the past slept around while manic without contraception I want a coil so if this happens again I wont have to face a unwanted pg."

Does your husband know about this? Maybe he wants the snip so that if you ever got pregnant he would know the child wasn't his.

diddl · 19/02/2013 20:49

He doesn´t want any more children.

My husband knew after our two that he wouln´t want more.

Even if we split up.

Sounds very responsible to me.

Chiggers · 19/02/2013 20:53

Just a quick curious question OP, but wqhat would you do if he went ahead with the snip regardless of whether you had the coil fitted or not?

Am away to bed now, but will be back in the morning to catch up.

Chiggers · 19/02/2013 20:54

what would you do. A bad case of fingers going faster than brain .

Original poster

Crawling · 19/02/2013 20:58

Nothing Icould do really. I guess id be hurt.
Oh and to the question about me going manic when I am manic dp knows its quite a difference and I am so racked with guilt during come down that I am honest if I have done anything so its not that.

OP posts:

Xmasbaby11 · 19/02/2013 20:58

He must feel very strongly to want to have a vasectomy. I think you need to get to the bottom of why he is in a rush - after all, there are plenty of contraception choices to use in the meantime.

Wewereherefirst · 19/02/2013 20:59

My DH had a vasectomy last month, he has three children (two with me) and he doesn't want more, so he went to get the snip.

He is being sensible and the doctors do like a concrete answer before they do the operation.

TallyGrenshall · 19/02/2013 21:00

It's fine, and perfectly normal for you to not want him to at but it is his own decision and I doubt it is one he has come to lightly.

Chiggers asks a very good question as well

TallyGrenshall · 19/02/2013 21:06

X-post

You don't him to do anything permanent because you may want more DC in the future, and you are upset that the option woud be taken away from you.

However, he doesn't. That is not a slight or a judgement or dismissal of you or the children you already have. He has made the right contraception choice for him

Groovee · 20/02/2013 20:56

I have know afew women whos dh had the snip and they have lost their sex drive (the men that is)

Nope, didn't happen here.

DrGoogleWillSeeYouNow · 20/02/2013 21:43

Plenty of posts on here by women whose partners are unhappy about unwanted/unplanned pregnancies, and they're always told "well if he was sure he didn't want any more children he should have taken responsibility for contraception and making sure that didn't happen".

Sounds like your DP doesn't want any more children and is doing just that.

Nothing to stop you going ahead and getting a coil fitted anyway too.

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