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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think people take it quite personally when you make different decisions to them?

96 replies

CruCru · 18/02/2013 18:11

Recently, I've noticed that a few people have got quite huffy whenever I have done something differently to the way they did it. It's usually children related and often quite small things that soon won't matter.

OP posts:

MusicalEndorphins · 18/02/2013 21:12

She has not spoken to me, her only daughter in about 5 years now, because she refused to agree to disagree on something. That include my children, I guess because they are part of me. Her way or the highway.

MusicalEndorphins · 18/02/2013 21:15

MrsGeologis That was what my mom wanted to do, but her friend didn't. Oh the fur flew!

Schooldidi · 18/02/2013 21:16

Yes, secondary school is a big one. I had all these perfectly normal, polite, lovely people telling me earnestly why the school they ahd chosen was better than the one I ahd chosen, and why didn't I put dd1 in for the 11+ to go to the Grammar school. We weren't in catchment for any of the other 'better' schools (we didn't think they were better either) and we haven't really got the spare money to pay for the extortionate bus/train fares to get her to the Grammar school, when we have a perfectly good school a 15 min walk away.

Primary schools cause a fuss as well though. I already have a couple of friends who have commented about the primary I'm going to send dd2 to, as if it's definitely a 'second best' school that they will put down as second choice if they don't get into their first choice. That's all well and good apart fromt he fact that they don't live in catchment and haven't got a hope in hell of getting into the oversubscribed outstanding primary, we live in catchment and are still a bit concerned about whether there will be enough places for dd2.

MusicalEndorphins · 18/02/2013 21:16

Oh wait, my mistake, my mom wanted to clean the carpets first, then paint. her friend, the other way around.

Original poster

CruCru · 18/02/2013 21:28

I have a friend who has a real thing against private school. I would say fair enough but she lives in an area with fantastic state schools. I'm not there yet, but I think this will be another topic we avoid. I've seen her ranting to someone else (whose kid goes to private school). Ugh.

OP posts:

thebody · 18/02/2013 21:28

My parents never understand why any Dane person lives in Australia

Even when my ds worked there for a while and said how great it was and no spider in sight they insist that only 'failed Brits' go there and that if they do they are 'stupid' as there is no culture over there.

My parents go to the local pantomime once a year.

Not a ballet, opera or play ever. Hilarious!!!

Kiwiinkits · 18/02/2013 21:38

My SIL makes sarky comments like "oh look at mummy of the year" and "such a natural" when I do things like breastfeed my baby or sing to my toddler. As if such stuff was below her. She's sarky alot of the time but I love her anyway - she can be sooo funny.

CalpolInMyEar · 18/02/2013 23:00

Someone I know gave me a catsbummouth when I told them BF hadn't worked out and we were now FF, not for FF itself but for choosing a different formula to her.

Original poster

CruCru · 19/02/2013 07:50

I know someone who moved five miles from where she grew up and her mum got really funny with her, she couldn't understand why anyone would want to live anywhere but where she grew up.

OP posts:

Tulahoob · 19/02/2013 08:30

My mum is the Queen of this! Not only does she take great offence at anything I do that's different to how she did it, she also gets the hump if I don't watch a TV programme she has watched:

My mum: Did you watch Mr Sefridge?
Me: No, I haven't been watching it
My mum: Hmph, well I think it's really good, but then again what do I know?

Thingiebob · 19/02/2013 08:46

It's threads like this that make me really appreciate my mum! She rarely questions my choices. My brother, however, is a different story. He gets quite defensive and pissed off if I don't agree with him or make the same choices.

On a slightly different note, I have noticed that the few people in my life who behave in this way all live with, on some level, MH problems. Three of them have diagnosed personality disorders.

Thingiebob · 19/02/2013 08:48

And I didn't have balloons or nail varnish at my wedding so now I am panicking at this oversight.

Startail · 19/02/2013 09:04

Yes schooldidi choice of secondary and not choosing to force DD2 to do the 11+

Fortunately my DF gets help to send her DCs to private school of their GPs and knows she's very lucky. Therefore, she daren't actually say what I know she'd like to.

Several DFs are going to be smug when I see them as their OFSTED is way better than ours.

Given the bus leaves for school from by are gate and any other school is 5 or more miles drive, tying me to pretty much never been able to find a job, they can piss off.

AThingInYourLife · 19/02/2013 09:11

"And I didn't have balloons or nail varnish at my wedding so now I am panicking at this oversight."

Well you're going to need to do it again properly.

The first time wasn't valid if no matching balloons and nail varnish.

meddie · 19/02/2013 11:36

glad to see so many others who have mums that are nutters. Mine takes it personally if I don't clean my house the way she did hers or as often.
Not only is it a personal insult to her cleaning, but apparently its also an insult to the way she raised us.. as 'I never brought you up to be so slatternly'.
Thanks mum, but hoovering twice a day and dusting and polishing the whole house from top to bottom isn't on my list of priorities as I work full time and you never did.

Goldenhandshake · 19/02/2013 14:15

My mum drives me barmy with things like this, unforgivable sins I have committed:

Not having bicuists in the house (we don't eat them, but she does, so we should have some, obviously)
Not feeding DD juice of the Gods SMA as a baby.
Not switching DD to hungry baby milk when she advised me to (DD never ever drank more than 6oz of milk at a time).
Not piercing DD's ears as a baby like she did with me
Not allowing DD to 'try' foods such as chocolate buttons at 3 months old
Being 'judgemental' by not allowing anyone to smoke in my home (DH and I are both non smokers)

Pandemoniaa · 19/02/2013 14:29

Coming from a family that almost make a religion out of non-interference it came as a huge shock to discover that my former MIL took umbrage at such trivial differences in opinion. Having never wanted a wedding list, let alone one with sodding fish knives on it, she spent an evening positively raging over my apparent failure to "equip a house properly". Despite, oddly enough, dismissing my family very early on as "above themselves" because I'd been to boarding school. She also took my decision not to paper the sitting room with what she described as "a nice Anaglypta" with real anger. The complete list of items that caused her to mutter and rage is wearyingly long and not worth revisiting.

I've also got a very dear friend who is certain that her way is the only way - again about things that really don't affect her. She cannot understand why I refused to turn a perfectly good utility room into an entirely unnecessary and unwanted wet room. When I compounded my failure to comply with this by painting the downstairs lavatory bright red, she actually questioned whether I felt "quite well".

YANBU. I will never understand why people care so very much about things that needn't bother them in the slightest.

KindleMum · 19/02/2013 14:40

When we announced we were getting married and having a reception with guests (not uber-fancy, just close family and friends), BIL hit the roof accusing DH of having a wedding just to "spite" him and "make him look bad" as he'd chosen to get married in town hall without telling anyone and with witnesses off the street. OK, that was his choice, absolutely no reason why it should impact on our choice.

Also had the carnation milk argument with older people - along with the slightly random one of "why don't you give 4 mo DS Horlicks instead of that Aptamil stuff, it's got malt in, you know!

RichardSimmonsTankTop · 19/02/2013 15:01

CheerfulYank, your examples are cracking me up! How DARE you not start an Etsy Shop?!

I was told by a friend that I would regret not having a big wedding (like hers) 'to the end of my days'. She kept going on and on about it and shaking her head sadly at my non traditional dress and second hand shoes. After the wedding, she said "it's not the wedding I would've chosen, but I guess you did look happy." Well thank you.

Same friend, when I told her we were moving overseas (to better salaries, lifestyle etc). "I would never move overseas because it would give a message to my DC that family didn't matter."

CheerfulYank · 19/02/2013 15:12

I know Richard! :o

She has an etsy shop and it does well. So every now and then when I was working during the day she would slip in "it's so nice that moms these days have all these choices, because of the internet! So many can work at home..." Come to think of it, I should have said "you're right, Mom! I've contacted a "naughty housewives" site and will be doing webcam work. So great to have all these choices, because of the internet!" That'd fix her.

RichardSimmonsTankTop · 19/02/2013 15:22

Yes do it and then make passive aggressive suggestions that she should do it too! "It's so nice that there's a niche for older women on the internet, mum!"

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