WIBU to send a snotty reply to DH's email.

[MrsZoidberg]

DH replied to an email invite explaining that we couldn't go because of DS. What he put was "unfortunately my son is not well as he has CFS which is the childhood version of ME".

I replied that CFS is NOT the childhood version of ME, but the same disease. I went on to explain why there are two names, and ended it with "but of course you know all this from your own extensive research into your son's illness"

Before anyone picks up that I replied via email and not verbally - even though we were in the same room - I don't like any conversations in front of DS that shows him that his own father doesn't believe he is ill . Just to be clear, he copied me in on the email, and I only replied to him and not the recipient.

DH's excuse was that not everyone knows what CFS is so he finds it easier to put that My answer was if they don't know what CFS is they probably don't know what ME is either. I certainly didn't until it wrecked my son's life.

I get really pissed off with family members who do not take this seriously, especially his own father. DS was diagnosed over 3 years ago. He is 16 and has missed out on such a lot. Two of his main symptoms are a permanent headache and hyperacusis (intolerance to certain sounds). DH has no patience with this. He knows that we cannot use knives on the glass chopping board, we cannot put food into the metal dog bowls when DS is in the room, we cannot use power tools or the vacuum cleaner without DS having time to prepare (leave the room, headphones, ear plugs etc). AND YET HE STILL DOES IT. I have lost count of the number of times I've yelled (whispered loudly) at DH that he wouldn't consider kicking someone in their broken leg, so why can't he give DS the same respect and stop causing him the same amount of pain!

But what especially pisses me off, is knowing that DH did a lot of research into MS as he worked with a woman for a few months who had it! Funnily enough, until he did that, I was regaled with stories of Jane did this and Jane did that every evening - then after she told him she had MS, I didn't hear another word about Jane again! But as you may have guessed from the comment above - he has never googled CFS!

ooops that turned into a rant instead of an Aibu

If you say Chronic Fatigue Syndrome instead, people may know what CFS is. :)

Not sure if you or your Dh or yourself are bu but just wanted to send my sincere good wishes to your poor Ds. Conditions like cfs are absolutely vile and not only do people have to cope with the debilitating symptoms they also have to cope with people's scepticism even sometimes from their own Drs and in the case of your ds his dad.

Hi NameChanged. I'm so sorry to hear you have this awful illness, but glad you seem to be on the road to recovery.

Yes, I think you're right - it's just another straw.

I'd forgotten about the sensory overload bit - we're quite a quiet family, so luckily we don't have too much going on, (or I'm very lazy with the house work - certainly not rushing round to do it )

DH makes allowances so long as they don't put him out. At the beginning he was ok with it, but as the time has gone on, he gets cross when DS complains about the noise - sometimes the noise hurts my head so god knows what DS is going through. Basically he's impatient with DS - but then, he is impatient with me, Mil, Fil etc too. Also when he is stressed, he does loads of annoying little things that he normally wouldn't - empty cartons in the fridge, leaving stuff lying around, leaving lights on, not locking the door type things - not worthy of a LTB but still seriously annoying. He is currently stressed!

Sorry I haven't explained the Jane thing very well - he gets these infatuations with women he works with, he clearly had one on Jane. But when he discovered she was ill, (and what the illness entailed) the infatuation kinda stopped! Jane particularly grated as she was soooo perfect until this point!

It is very difficult to have a conversation with DH. He likes to bury his head in the sand, whereas I am a confront it, deal with it, move on kind of person. It is also difficult to have a private conversation when DS is almost always around. I have found throughout our marriage that it is best to have a conversation about a one, definite thing - deal with it and move one. We rarely have huge rows where every grievance under the sun gets thrown up. Now I have pointed out to him that I know he did not do any research, there is a good chance that he now will.

I think this is way bigger than the invite.

Do you think he had a thing for this other woman as well? Hence all the attention he gave her? And now you feel resentful (rightly so) that he can't do this for your son?

To put it bluntly, he sounds like a toad.

You need to have serious words. Or a good pair of boots when you kick him out or up the rear.

I think this is way bigger than the invite.

Do you think he had a thing for this other woman as well? Hence all the attention he gave her? And now you feel resentful (rightly so) that he can't do this for your son?

To put it bluntly, he sounds like a toad.

You need to have serious words. Or a good pair of boots when you kick him out or up the rear.

Oops. Sorry. So annoyed for you I posted twice !

Namechanged: I think that the reason they don't get in is because they are alike. Pils also live with us (next door, not in same house) and when DS, DH & Fil are together it is scary how alike they are. I think there is also some jealousy - jealous of how DS & I get on, type of thing. They bicker like little kids and have done since DS was about 9. I've talked and talked to DH about it, but nothing changes, and tbh, I do believe that DH is mostly to blame - if you speak to someone a certain way, you cannot be surprised when they talk back to you the same way! DH is the adult but hasn't always acted that way. There have also been a few episodes of DH losing his temper with FiL - this is DS's role model!

Disclaimer: I'm sure DH has lots of good points too, but at the moment, I can't be bothered to list them, but we've been married 18 years so he must be ok some of the time

Thank you Cherries

MusicalEndorphins: In my less charitable moments, I don't believe my DH knows what it stands for

Fairy: Your post made me - DH falls asleep in his chair, he is quite a large man, so his head slowly sinks into the fat around his neck which means he snores quite loudly - I have been known to call him a BullFrog - (to his face btw) Maybe I'll have to come up with a Toad name now