To get a bit impatient with really fussy eaters (adults)

[atthewelles]

I'm not talking about people with medical conditions which preclude certain foods from their diet or people who have anxiety issues re certain types of food/ different foods touching each other on the plate etc

But adults who just turn their noses up at anything other than plain meat and potatoes and act as if vegetables, pasta, fish, anything containing spices or garlic or cooked in a sauces is on a par with serving up roasted worms are a bit irritating - difficult to cook for and impossible to please when trying to meet up in a restaurant.

AIBU to think grown ups should at least try a few different foodstuffs and be a little bit open minded about what they're prepared to eat?

SeniorWrangler yes I usually try it too, funny because I said I didn't like artichokes (I really don't and was trying lots of other foods, it was tapas style so I thought I could avoid them) but my Spanish friend said "Yes, but everyone likes my wife's artichokes" and I had to eat them and I couldn't bear to crush her, she was looking at me with Disney style eyes waiting for me to say her artichokes were good, cue huge 'I told you so' and more artichokes on my plate

YANBU, because by definition, the picky, fussy, annoying ones without valid issues are actually being unreasonable. YABU for being tautological though.

It seems that most of the problem here is people who are insensitive to others, and inarticulate about their needs. Sometimes it's impossible to tell whether someone's being inarticulate about their need for attention and validation from others, or being inarticulate about their gut-wrenching dislike of the food, or being inarticulate about having sensory issues because they're totally unaware that their particular sensory or behavioural issue is not widespread.

Most people seem to cut someone some slack for a polite, articulate explanation of need, and most people roll their eyes at someone being babyish and grumpy, or shrieky and bitchy. But that could be the same person five years apart (having been diagnosed with ASD in between, and given the tools to deal with stressful situations in a productive way) - or five minutes apart (snapping because a jeering close relative is there grating on nerves; being calm and articulate when feeling autonomous).

Give someone the insight about their behaviour, and the tools to feel they can deal with it calmly, happily and without any problem; and voila, you've transformed them from a shrieky, rude, picky eater, to someone who has a completely valid point.

I say this as someone who will happily eat anything most of the time, but who has occasionally been fussy about things because I had no idea how nice they could be. The problem was me needing to acquire insight and perspective, but I thought I was right at the time. My mother is an ambitious but very poor cook, who has almost no sense of taste or texture of food, so she really honestly doesn't care and can't tell, when the pasta is burnt dry, or the mincemeat is cooked to the point of being gravel with water sloshing round the outside and some curious little red squares that used to be tomato, or the green vegies are cooked until they are grey mush... I used to refuse sausages as a child because I knew they were inedible... discovered aged 18 that they were delicious. I also remember going to an italian restaurant as a child and finding it hard to find anything on the menu because I knew I hated everything there... I was really really surprised when the tagliatelle was delicious!

NB - for those who dislike coriander, that's apparently some genetic thing to do with being insensitive to what other people are smelling, while also being sensitive to some of the tastes underneath.

Aaarrgg. That sounds like I'm coming down on the side of the "oh go on, just try a little bit, how do you know you won't like it" brigade... I'm not. I'm with the shrug & get on with life camp. I'm just trying to explain that someone without valid issues (or without an articulate explanation of valid issues) may well not have any idea
(1) that they are being annoying and rude
(2) that they have the skills not to be annoying or rude
(3) that it is completely within their power to enjoy what life throws at them
(4) that they can refuse politely, productively, and self-sufficiently, without causing offence.

N.B. under (3) I am thinking of things like olives and garlic, rather than the actual bad stuff life can throw at you

I was brought up never to comment on food unless it was complimentary . As my DM was once heard to say "it's not disgusting , but it may not be to your taste" I was also brought up to eat whatever was put in front of me at someone else's home , vivid ghastly memories of eating 'spaghetti africaine" which seemed to consist of pasta , peanut butter and tomatoes ( just the thought of peanut butter makes me gag) but even though I was 20 by this time it was completely ingrained that it would be rude to refuse.

I think some of the problems with this stem from canteens at school.In my day there was no choice other than an "ordinary or a small"

One of the best stories on this is in one of theJames Herriott books where he has dinner and his prospective girlfriends home . They serve ham which is mostly fat which he can't stand and the only way out is to smother it in piccalilli which he's also not keen on .They end up thinking he loves the piccalilli so much they give him a bottle to take home

But sometimes people are fussy for reasons other than "needing attention"
I have the same problem as TheSeniorWrangler upthread, I really quite like the taste of spicy/hot food, but I simply cannot eat it without feeling like I'm about to die. Even the "mild" stuff you can buy makes my eyes water. So if someone offers me spicy food, I will say no.

A slightly less reasonable (in most people's eyes) cause of my personal fussiness is texture. There are certain foods that make me shudder just to consider eating because of the way they feel in your mouth - mushrooms, tomatoes and candyfloss being the main offenders. Also can't do strawberries (those seeds! -boak-) or oranges. Which is a shame, as I love both of those things in juices/yoghurts/just about anything else.

OP, I'm kind of with you (my dad is like the people you describe, no "foreign muck". But he's old, so possibly allowed to be fussy!) but in reality, being fussy is more a curse than a blessing. I wish I wasn't fussy. It's so hard not to pass my bad eating habits on to DS. But I'm trying.

Galaxy - sorry if I managed to suggest fussiness = needing attention...

I was trying to explain the disempowerment of fussiness without a valid/ appropriately polite description... you sound like you're totally going to provide a reasoned, polite "no" and be considerate of others' needs in expressing your needs. I see no problem with providing an accurate description of what you can/can't eat, and then sorting out an appropriate solution

and once again i've failed to state my main assumption, that the validity of an issue can extend to not liking something

It's perfectly ok for people to have likes and dislikes when it comes to food.
There are quite a few foods I dislike. I am an adult and will not eat them. I will not be forced, co-erced or guilted into eating them. I had enough of that when i was a child. It makes no difference to you if I don't eat them.

YABU!! Why should a person feel oblied to taste something they know they won't like.

My DH likes plain food, not food covered in sauces.....he likes a meat and potato dish...so what!!!

DS is fussy too!! So what!! I don't believe in making food an issue.....

The only things i can't stomach are raisins/sultanas/currants (i was very sick after eating them as a child which has put me off for life). I keep trying to eat them but i still don't like them.

Also sauces made with lots of cheese &/or butter do make me ill because they are so rich & fatty.

Apart from that i'll try any food once.

I don't mind catering to peoples likes and dislikes although I cannot stand the gagging, retching and general audible disgust that can be associated with it BUT for the love of God please tell me before you get to my house.

Five minutes before you arrive at a BBQ is not the time to tell me that the person you are bringing is a vegetarian. It was a Sunday and miles from large shops the only thing we could buy was vege burgers and quorn slices and he bloody well moaned about them.

Also do not expect everyone else to eat the same as you just because you don't like the alternative.

A cup of is the thing most people are fussy about.

I make the teas often for the entire ward i work on, plus for other staff, & it's never quick because people like their teas: weak, strong, less milk, more milk, more water, no sugar, sugar... etc etc.
One guy recently wanted 5 Sugars!!!

Then there are the various ways of making coffee.....!

Life i stopped being veggie at a BBQ because i was tempted by the delicious smell of BBQ ribs mmmm....

I love trying new foods and when abroad always like to try local dishes, but I am really fussy about meat. I can't stomach any type of pork, beef or steak but will eat poultry as long as there is no fat or bones. My earliest memories are being made to sit at the table and finish my meat and endlessly chewing and gagging. I loathe it.
Even out of politeness if you served me a pork chop I would not eat it. I would rather refuse than start gagging at the table. I would eat peas out of politness even though I hate them, but not that.

Lol, so many fussy eaters on this thread trying to outdo each other on their fussiness and explanations of being 'super tasters' or similar nonsense

Badly bought-up and still immature adults, more likely.

Disclaimer:real allergies or ethical reasons are valid reasons to avoid certain foods. Otherwise, it is unattractive fussiness, pure and simple.

No one is suggesting deliberately serving guests food they don't like or forcing guests to try something. We're just complaining about how difficult it is to cater for people who don't seem to like anything. You can't do a casserole type dish because they don't like vegetables or sauce, you can't do curry or bolognaise because they can't stand spice or pasta or rice, if you do a roast dinner you can't include stuffing or gravy and the potatoes have to be roasted, because they can't stand mash or boiled potatoes, if you do such and such a dish you have to make it in two batches so you can leave the carrots and garlic out of their portion and on and on and on and on.

I am quite a fussy eater but I wouldn't dream of saying someone elses food is disgusting. I will not however, eat something i dislike in order to be seen as polite by someone else.

I don't like peppers and onions cooked (texture) but I am quite happy with them raw. If someone cooked them for me I would simply leave them on the side of my plate without fuss and compliment the rest of the meal.

I would not expect someone to eat food they dislike at my home.

I read an article recently that reference a food critic who had written a book (can't remember the title). Anyway the gist was that this food critic had won an award and was looking at his career and felt bad that there were some foods/types of foods that he just didn't like. Obviously he was meant to be objective but found it difficult to praise a, say Korean, restaurant in the same way he did others as he just wasn't keen.
The conclusion was that there are no inherently 'bad' tasting foods and liking anything is simply a matter of exposure so his mission was to start liking foods that he previously couldn't stand. I recall he managed to like everything except one food (which he ended up being able to eat but still wasn't keen on).

Now I'm a foodie anyway but thought this was an interesting concept.

at 'badly bought up' Flatbread. I will be telling my Dad later that DB's dislike of eggs is all his fault.

I am not sure about a dislike of certain foods being 'immature' either.

A dislike of certain foods isn't immature. A refusal to even try anything new and an insistence of sticking resolutely to a few dishes that you're familiar with can be a bit immature.

Look, I'm not knocking people who won't eat all sorts of weird and wonderful food or who have certain dislikes. I can't eat dishes with a lot of chilli because I will be up all night pacing the floor with diabolical heartburn. I also don't like most offal apart from liver and can eat cooked celery but hate it raw. But I eat most of the foods that people will cook for you or that are available in most restaurants and if someone serves yo something I really don't like eg goats cheese, I will force it down by making sure I have loads of the salad, pastry or sauce on the fork at the same time.

Its people, discounting those with allergies and phobias, who have a small list of food that they will eat as opposted to a small list of food that they won't eat that irritate me.

I do understand where you are coming from atthe. And the heartburn thing is horrible.

I would hate to upset anyone who had cooked for me so would always politely try and force it down and smile if something was served I didn't like.

BUT I would hate anyone to do that if I had cooked so i just cook what they like. Don't see it as pandering-just being nice.

I said upthread that I think the social/meeting up/having a fun night is more important than what's eaten. But that's me.

Being a fussy eater isn't a choice, because if it was a choice, I wouldn't bloody be one. It's no fun at all.

As for trying new foods: there's a psychology study where apple juice is poured into a bedpan. Subjects are invited to drink it. They are told that it is apple juice and they are told that the bedpan has never been used and is sterile. Most participants in the study are completely unable to overcome their disgust reaction and drink the apple juice. Could you drink apple juice from a bedpan?

That disgust reaction is how I feel when invited to try some seafood or offal or whatever. It's not going to happen.

flatbread "Lol, so many fussy eaters on this thread trying to outdo each other on their fussiness and explanations of being 'super tasters' or similar nonsense"

Here's an analogy for you. You point out something in the far distance to someone and they can't see it. You say "there it is all the way over there" and they say "sorry I don't think my eye sight is as good as yours". Or you're in your friend's house and she says "Can you hear that?" And you say "hear what? I can't hear anything". She says "That noise I can hear, can't you?" And you say "sorry I don't think my hearing is as good as yours"

Both examples where people have differing sensory sensitivities. The first person can't see as far as you and in the second you can't hear as well as your friend. Because that person can't see the thing in the distance does that make you wrong? Because you can't hear the sound your friend can hear does that make you wrong?

Being a supertaster is the taste equivalent of excellent hearing or excellent eyesight. Now I can't think of many occasions when having excellent eye sight is a burden but I can imagine there are instances where having excellent hearing means you pick up on noises when you'd really rather not.

Having worked in sensory research in the past including screening supertasters I can assure you the excellent sense of taste is real, it occurs in approx 1/4 of the population and is linked with being highly atuned to bitterness. When we were evolving and bitter foods=poison then I imagine it was an evolutionary advantage. Dinner parties in 21st century are not necessarily places where this acute sense of taste is as appreciated.

Supertasters can be interpreted as fussy by people who can't appreciate that other people have differing sensory perceptions to them. Rude people are people who comment on what other people are eating or who impose their views of foods on other people. There are examples on here of both and IMHO the people who are apologetic about being seen as fussy or who do try things to please their hosts are more likely to fall into the supertasters camp rather than truly fussy eaters who make their food preferences everyone else's problem. People who make their issues everyone else's are rude; people who cannot bear the taste of something because it causes them genuine sensory overload (chilli for example) would probably rather not cause a fuss but may end up inadvertently doing so.