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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To raise my eyebrow cynically when people make assumptions?

22 replies

PurplePidjin · 18/02/2013 07:20

I use a sling. I live in a flat, i have nowhere to store a buggy downstairs, nor do i expect random strangers to help me carry it all the time.

I use cloth nappies. They look nice, smell nice, are less wasteful, cheaper and soft on ds's bottom.

These are decisions dp and i made that are right for our little family.

But

Why do people assume we cosleep? We don't. I just ended up grumpy with a cricked neck.

Worse, why do they assume I'll be doing gentle discipline? Ds is 3 months old - how the fuck am i supposed to know what behaviour approach he'll need in a year or two?

My name is Pidj. I use cloth nappies and wrap slings. I am not a Natural Mama! I'm making it up as i go along just like everybody else

OP posts:

havingamadmoment · 18/02/2013 07:24

I agree I breastfeed , co sleep and cloth but hate slings ! I don't want to put my toddler in a buggy and use a sling I want a giant double. I have never fancied breastfeeding in one.
These things don't go together - although I have no idea what gentle discpline is so cant comment on that !

nellyjelly · 18/02/2013 07:28

Why worry? Am sure not everyone makes assumptions.

Tailtwister · 18/02/2013 07:35

I wouldn't waste my time giving it so much thought OP. People make assumptions all the time, it's human nature. Stop taking it so personally. There's worse assumptions people could make than assuming you co-sleep.

Wrigglebum · 18/02/2013 07:35

YANBU, I hate all this labelling of parents like we have to fit into a certain mould. I use slings frequently (when it's easier), co-sleep (as it's the only way we all get sleep) and still breastfeed at nine months (far too tight to pay for formula). I did use cloth nappies with my first and do prefer them but struggle to keep up with the washing. I kind of do gentle parenting as I hate shouting, and shouting at DS makes him behave so much worse.

However, I had no interest in home births (had an elcs this time after bad first experience), and lots of the stuff discussed on natural parenting sites freaks me out (placenta encapsulation and breast milk pendants WTAF). I don't give a flying fuck about organic and will happily feed my kids the occasional bit of processed crap between their home made meals.

I think we do need to make it up as we go along- ds2 is showing signs he might need a slightly stricter approach and our children haven't read a book and decided a strategy so why should we?

MrsKeithRichards · 18/02/2013 07:41

I breastfed, sling and use cloth, not a natural mamma or whatever the current tern is. I'm a mum, doing what I can to get by. Honestly though I'm sure people don't really care.

DoJo · 18/02/2013 11:56

There are certain parenting techniques which seem to go together though, so I don't think it's unreasonable to make what are actually fairly harmless assumptions, although I'm not sure how it comes up - I don't think anyone has ever voiced an assumption about my parenting based on what they know/have seen, so perhaps it's the people you are spending time with that are the problem.

WorraLiberty · 18/02/2013 12:01

Who are these strange people and why do you care what they do/don't assume?

If I had time in my life to worry about these things my eyebrow would be permanently raised above my head...like James Bond meets Penfold.

Tulahoob · 18/02/2013 12:06

YABU for using the term 'my little family'

TerracottaPie · 18/02/2013 12:12

Unrelated to the thread topic...

I wish I could raise one eyebrow. I manage to get everything across with my facial expressions but oh, to raise one eyebrow. So much could be said with so little.

TroublesomeEx · 18/02/2013 12:12

When DS was born I BF for 18 months. I started off doing so because I hadn't considered doing it any other way.

Everyone else I knew had BF for 6 -12 weeks and then changed to FF - I thought everyone FF by 6 months. I'd never encountered anyone BF beyond that. But I didn't and carried on BF.

I had a few comments on how I'd "made my point" and snotty comments from people who thought I obviously thought I was better than anyone else. And was clearly making a judgement about everyone else.

When in fact, I was just too lazy to change.

When it came to DD I also BF for 18 months but by then I was doing it through definite choice.

But I wouldn't give it any thought if I were you.

Bejeena · 18/02/2013 12:16

Oh I was thinking of using a sling and cloth nappies. What for the life of me I can't understand is what is wrong with that? I am so puzzled. So caring enough to not want chemicals on your baby's skin and not want to toss about 200 extra bags of rubbish into landfill is bad? Makes you a natural mother (what is a natural mother?)

Co sleeping is really not going to be an option for us.

What is so bad about this?

Also the using cloth nappy dictates how you will parent? How?

Thumbwitch · 18/02/2013 12:19

Because people have "ideas" about people who sling/bf for longer than a few months/ use cloth nappies/ co-sleep/ do attachment parenting and think that it's all one big package, so if you do one or two then you must do the rest.

I use cloth nappies, I co-sleep, I bf DS1 until 23m and am bf'ing DS2, who is currently 4mo, with no intention of stopping until we're both ready.

But I don't do AP. I believe in strict parenting. And I've never used a sling, mostly because I have a shit back.

I wouldn't worry about it, Pidj - just do your own thing and let others think what they like!

Bejeena · 18/02/2013 12:28

Hmmm I had to google attachment parenting.

I don't see how it has a connection to cloth nappies or using a sling though!

As for breastfeeding, I think for me it will be 12 months absolute maximum as I am a long distance runner and won't want to be out of the game for so long.

WhatsTheBuzz · 18/02/2013 13:54

...I love my sling.

Cailinsalach · 18/02/2013 14:49

If I saw someone using a sling I would assume they had a bad arm.

Is this very wrong of me?

MrsLyman · 18/02/2013 15:11

The only time these types of assumptions ever bother me is when it comes to BFing advice, I found a lot of it tied in with the view that you will want to co-sleep and take an AP approach. I just wanted to feed my baby and put him in his cot. 'the womanly art of breastfeeding' book seemed to imply this approach was equal to neglect, just the message you want when you're struggling with your first born.

MrsLyman · 18/02/2013 15:12

Beejena why can't you run and BF?

MrsLyman · 18/02/2013 15:14

Sorry I should add I'm just being nosey rather than judgey, as I'm planning a half marathon in Sept but haven't considered whether or not I'll be breastfeeding at that point.

JackieTheFart · 18/02/2013 15:16

There are so many of these types of threads on MN - why do you let it bother you?

I must be really laid back, have not met any of these judgey folk, or just subscribe to the fact that what works for me might seem wild to someone else!

Just don't give it any headspace. It's really not important.

Original poster

PurplePidjin · 18/02/2013 15:42

"My little family" is because it is a little family - me, dp and one 3mo child. I have no experience to fall back on, unlike people with larger families who know which styles and techniques work for them. It wasn't meant in a twee "my ickle pwince" way!

I have time to ponder many things during long night feeds. This struck me as an interesting topic for discussion instead of parking/disabled spaces on buses/animal excrement and, actually, I'm enjoying the debate and differing opinions.

There are 3 sling users in my town of 25,000 people. I know, I've met them already. I get questioned in shop queues etc as well as baby groups and have been asked if i will be doing x, y or z technique, often in a slightly incredulous tone of voice outright horror on the part of the health visitor I'm happy with my decisions, just curious about other peoples' perceptions.

I really really wish i could do a proper unfortunately my real life face is fixed into a permanent polite smile...

OP posts:

Original poster

PurplePidjin · 18/02/2013 15:44

MrsLyman i expect it's to do with boob support

OP posts:

CatsRule · 18/02/2013 16:15

While I agree with all the others who have said why worry about what others think, I do also agree it is very annoying.

When you're pregnant the whole world thinks you're public property, when the baby arrives the whole world believes they are entitled to an opinion on everything you do and choose for your dc.

All of this used to upset me but being a mother has made me tougher in that I am more resolute in my decisions and choices for my ds.

I had a lot of opinions, not very good ones, from close family about me breasfeeding. It was very upsetting at the time and it did knock my confidence but after so much crap from them yes mil and sil I am talking about you I finally stood up and said a polite fcuk the lot of you (not in those actual words) this is my life and I will do what I think is right for my ds, the only opinion that matters to me where ds is concerned is his Dads, my dh. They got a shock that quiet Cats found her mouth!

Yanbu btw

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