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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want my PIL to come on holiday with us and my parents

23 replies

Speedos · 17/02/2013 15:59

My parents live on the other side of the world, we see them once or twice a year.

They are coming to visit in June and I suggested to DH that we (my parents, DH kids and me) all go for a week package holiday to Turkey or somewhere. My parents can't do enough for the kids and live for their trips to the UK and vice versa.

PIL are about 30mins drive and never make any effort, though we always go to visit them. FIL barely speaks to the kids when they are around, he actually shooed one of them away the other day when DS was trying to tell him something.

When I suggested holiday with my parents DH said 'oh we should invite PIL too, more babysitters'.

I can't think of anything worse, our parents are like chalk and cheese. DH will get in a big strop when I say I'd rather not go.

I may be getting annoyed over nothing as they really obviously find the kids hard work and probably wouldn't want to go but then again may jump if someone else (me) is doing all the organising.

I don't mind going with them on another occasion but just not everyone together, my parents would hate it too.

Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
CaptainSweatPants · 17/02/2013 16:02

Yanbu!

HollyBerryBush · 17/02/2013 16:02

Are they likely to lighten up if on holiday?

If your DH thinks this is a goer, and your PIL think it might be too, casually drop in that your parents are actually nudists or somethingOR tht it will be hot/full of furriners/excitable kids/theme parks - anything that they will hate.

currentbuns · 17/02/2013 16:03

Absolutely not BU in the slightest. Stand your ground. If your IL's want to holiday with you on another occasion you can cross that bridge when you come to it, but this is supposed to be an opportunity for you and your children to spend time with family you are rarely able to see.

LindyHemming · 17/02/2013 16:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hermioneweasley · 17/02/2013 16:04

No, it should be obvious to your DH that it woukdn't be fair on your parents to have their precious time with their GCs shared with other GPs who live close.

Original poster
Speedos · 17/02/2013 16:05

Yes hell on earth is right! Sometimes I wonder what planet DH is on!

Yes they love travelling and taking the kids places.

OP posts:
WishIdbeenatigermum · 17/02/2013 16:06

Dreadful idea. Yanbu.

LaurieFairyCake · 17/02/2013 16:09

You're not being unreasonable but I can't help wondering if it might shame your PIL into being better at it?

Trifle · 17/02/2013 16:15

Why should pil be 'shamed'. Either they enjoy the grandchildren or they don't, obviously it's not really their thing, nothing to be ashamed about.

aldiwhore · 17/02/2013 16:16

YANBU but I do feel a bit sorry for your DH... maybe suggest that you go for a long weekend away with the PILs at another date, cite the fact you see so little of your parents you want to focus on them.

wineandroses · 17/02/2013 16:20

Why should DH get into a strop? This is about your parents, not his. If he wants a holiday with his parents, then he should arrange it, not piggy-back onto your arrangements. If you all go together, it will change the dynamics and it won't be about spending time with your parents. Tell him you want two holidays (if you do), not one big one where you have no idea if they'll even get on.

LaurieFairyCake · 17/02/2013 16:20

'Shamed' because shooing a child away isn't the best response, not exactly child centred. I've no problem if they're not interested but if the other grandparents are there it might be modelled to them better and they might engage more.

cees · 17/02/2013 16:21

YANBU

maddening · 17/02/2013 16:24

Yanbu - just say you want some precious time with your parents and his parents would change the dynamic. Say you'll do something else for his parents another time. I would be surprised if he was upset with that.

maddening · 17/02/2013 16:25

Ps I think this is him being lazy with his parents.

diddl · 17/02/2013 16:29

So, you can´t think of anything worse than being on holiday with the ILs?

Maybe husband feels the same?

If my husband wanted his parents, I´d want mine as I get on with mine.

McNewPants2013 · 17/02/2013 16:31

Yanbu.

I suspect you want to spend quality time with your parents and going away on a package hoilday sounds a good way, as there will be no cooking cleaning ect. Inviting PIL to alter this.

TheDoctrineOfSciAndNatureClub · 17/02/2013 16:33

YANBU.

"I don't think that will work, let's plan to go away with your parents in Month X instead"

ENormaSnob · 17/02/2013 16:36

Will this be your main holiday away?

Maybe your husband doesn't want to be stuck abroad with his ils for a week and feels having his parents there would be more bearable?

Tasmania · 17/02/2013 16:40

YANBU.

Tell him you don't want PILs there because you and the kids want to have a special time with your parents. You can always tell him to arrange a holiday for PILs on his own...

OrangeLily · 17/02/2013 16:45

Hahaha no way would I do this! I wouldn't go on holiday with my parents though. We'd all drive each other nuts! My PIL I'd consider but never ever with my parents also in tow.

They've met a few times but don't get on, they only have me and DH in common!

Original poster
Speedos · 17/02/2013 16:49

Thanks for responses, I'm glad I'm NBU.

I have actually just thought of a good response to him being that if his parents come, the kids (especially the youngest) will ignore mine as they see PILmore often. This has actually happened at a BBQ once here, my youngest didn't leave MIL's side and cried if my mum tried to play with him. Awkward for everyone!

OP posts:
scarlettsmummy2 · 17/02/2013 16:59

God, I can think of nothing worse.

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