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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To the rude lady at the bar at Paloma Faith last night

24 replies

Beaverfeaver · 17/02/2013 09:51

You are rude. Just so you know.

I was pushed in front of 4 times by much taller blokes who I was invisible to.

Then I get to the front of the bar, batman turns to me and lady standing next to me (who arrived after) and asked for next order.

So I start saying my order, and so dies lady next to me. Barman takes ladies order.

I turn to her and say 'sorry, but I'm a bit pissed off because I've been here ages and already been pushed in front of many times'

She says her order is only a small one so it doesn't matter.
I was fuming so didn't say anything back.

But now lady - You are rude!

Made me feel so small an insignificant to be multiply pushed in front of, which I take in my stride at first, and then for this woman (much older than me) to do this.

No sister good there. I'm sure Paloma would disapprove too

Feeling sad. Shouldn't let it get to be so much.

Now it's off my chest

OP posts:
ThonHoor · 17/02/2013 09:53

Cheeky cah.

Batman serving drinks is impressive though.

Original poster
Beaverfeaver · 17/02/2013 09:53

Sorry about spelling mistakes

Batman = barman
Dies = does
Sister good = sister hood

OP posts:
HecateWhoopass · 17/02/2013 09:56

She was rude. It's good that you said so. People shouldn't get away with bad behaviour.

The four blokes who pushed in front of you were also bloody rude! What did you say to them?

ditavonteesed · 17/02/2013 09:59

she was rude, I hate it when people do this, reminds me why I like my sofa on a sat night, never a queue at the bar.

Original poster
Beaverfeaver · 17/02/2013 10:00

Nothing :(

Intimidated and usually very shy

I'm only 5ft 3 so find it happens a lot.

Felt really brave to say something to the woman, and I probably wouldn't have bothered if it was the first time it had happened

OP posts:
GirlOutNumbered · 17/02/2013 10:03

I'm 5'3 and no one pushes in front of me!
Start practising your 'oi I was here first '

Original poster
Beaverfeaver · 17/02/2013 10:05

Will do GON.

My DH is so good at it but sometimes I cringe.
But equally hate being walked over.
I got to be able to stand up for myself when he isn't there to do it for me!

OP posts:
HecateWhoopass · 17/02/2013 10:08

So the woman copped it for the actions of the blokes too? Grin

tbh, it was more likely that the woman would punch you than the men!

I've been in this situation. Years ago. I'm nearly 40 now [old gimmer] and my pub 'n' club days are far behind me Grin but back in the day I struggled to be seen. I'm under 5ft 2.

I would yell OI! Am I invisible here?!

Original poster
Beaverfeaver · 17/02/2013 10:10

I have put it down to that I was obviously looking so fabulous (got to dress up for paloma!) and she was a bit dowdy so jealous!
Lol

OP posts:
HecateWhoopass · 17/02/2013 10:16

No 'sisterhood' there in that comment, BF Grin

Tryharder · 17/02/2013 10:22

I think you were a bit 'off' too. It wasn't her fault 4 blokes had pushed you out of the way or that the barman served her first. It you had made a comment to me about being pissed off as you describe when I was waiting at a bar minding my own business, I would have been annoyed too.

You should have directed your comments to the barman.

QOD · 17/02/2013 10:27

I was totally ignored by everyone at the bar at a wake the other week, I SO wanted to shout "HELLO? CAN YOU SEE ME?" To the bar man AND punters but couldn't due to the circumstances so I just fumed and sulked instead....

5ft feck all me

DreamingOfTheMaldives · 17/02/2013 10:33

The woman obviously knew you had been there longer than her so should have done the decent thing and told the barman you were next when he tried to serve her.

If someone next to me doesn't have the courtesy to do this then I will say "excuse me i am next." Always works as the barman/woman may not realise who has been waiting longer.

ChairmanWow · 17/02/2013 10:38

I'm 5' 1" and get pushed in front of fairly regularly. I always do 'I was here first'. Often the pusher in gets stroppy but whatevs, it's their bad manners, not mine.

I do think bar staff have a bit of blindness when it comes to women of a certain stature. I would have expected better from Batman though Grin

Tweasels · 17/02/2013 10:45

Where I live (up North) there is no queuing at a bar, you push your way to the front and stand up on your tip toes and lean as far forward as you can and hope for the best. Doesn't matter who was there first. It's quite a skill. It always amazes me when I go to other cities how civilised people are Grin

Hissy · 17/02/2013 10:48

I find that no-one has even the manners we expect our own DC to have.

Old biddy in waitrose yesterday physically pushing past DS (7) to get at something on a shelf without so much as a by your leave.

I may have engaged in a bit of 'audible parenting'

"Yes, DS, I KNOW that you'd never think of pushing past someone without saying excuse me. It's a shame that people you'd expect to have some manners, seem to have forgotten them."

OP, you should have challenged the barman first, then by way of an explanation, apologised to the other customer.

All in all though, yanbu. I HATE bad manners!

Lessthanaballpark · 17/02/2013 11:00

YANBU to have a go at said woman ...

But YABU to take out all your anger on one/fifth of the problem just cos she was a woman and you were scared of the men, as they will now go through their lives blissfully unaware of the problems they cause, barging in front of people willy nilly, taking whatever they want from life without so much as a please or thankyou! Oh my lord, one of them could end up being the next Genghis Khan all because you didnt step in at that crucial moment .....!

Sorry, might have gotten a bit carried away there! Blush

MonstrousPippin · 17/02/2013 11:07

It's worst at big gigs in my experience. YANBU.

GregBishopsBottomBitch · 17/02/2013 11:19

Im 5 ft 3, cant remember the last time someone pushed in front of me, i have a dont you scowl.

Original poster
Beaverfeaver · 17/02/2013 11:50

Tryharder: it was busy and barman hadn't been working that area of the bar so didn't see.
In my experience, when the barman does see it they do make sure that the right person gets served.
Comments like that make me think that you would do the same as the woman in hope that no one says anything

OP posts:
DreamingOfTheMaldives · 17/02/2013 11:55

Tweasals - I'm in Manchester and I know exactly what you mean. I would still say 'I'm next' if the person next to me tried to get served before me (and hadn't been waiting as long). Similarly i would tell the barman if the person next to me had been waiting longer.

SignoraStronza · 17/02/2013 12:02

I'm 5 foot nothing and find it actually helps me slip my way through to the frontGrin . Failing that, sharp elbows aimed at someone pushing in front of me are v. useful.

maddening · 17/02/2013 13:30

It was the barman who was crap that caused the situation - by the time you said something her order was taken.

Tryharder · 17/02/2013 19:04

IF you had said that to me, OP, I would have smiled nicely and let you go first. But I would have been a bit annoyed that you described yourself as "pissed off" as if it were my fault that 4 blokes had pushed in front of you.

But I wouldnt have jumped the queue anyway. This sort of happened to me some years back at a gig where I was verbally abused by someone who thought she had been at the bar before me. Perhaps she was, I don't know, because I don't monitor the queue when I buy a drink.

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