To think I should have known 4yo party would go this way.

[somedaysomewhere]

DS2 is 4 tomorrow.

He doesn't really like parties. He's always reluctant and a lap sitter but is getting better.

Originally, I planned a few friends at home. Then I realised it would be 8 friends, plus my DC, plus parents so hired a small hall nearby (£20).

Inevitably the numbers crept up.

Have made a birthday cake which took forever but dS hates it because it wasn't to his EXACT request.

He doesn't want a party in a hall,

has he changed his mind or did you ask him if he wanted a party? when is it on?

Pressed post too soon!

He wants to stay at home. He doesn't want to go.

I should have known this would happen but somehow thought his reticence about parties would evaporate when it came to his own.

I am an idiot.

Help.

It will be fine. Give him a little job relating to the party-let him put crisps in bowls or put out the paper plates. Let him fill the party bags for his friends including one for himself for later. It is a special day for him. Keep breakfast simple-avoid sugar overload till later and encourage quiet activities until its time for the party. This could be a time to relax TV rules or if the weather is nice get him outside for some fresh air and play then rest before party time.

Oh bother! What about you go and leave him with dad and he can decide to go along at any time, you get the party started & I bet he'll come along out of curiousity pretty soon. As long as he knows he can leave at any time he may settle down and go with it.

I escaped throwing a party for my 5yo this weekend, bliss!!

ps: I feel your cake pain, I have promised to make DS another cake because the one DH made wasn't chocolaty enough .

if its a hall encourage things he cant do at home ... bring a football to kick about. bring him shopping for his fav treats involve him in the foods he likes. forget about cake. too many invited now and other kids would be let down if cancelled. he may go kicking and screaming and let him sulk for a bit but he wont be able to stop himself enjoying it and playing with his mates after a while. next year ... keep it low key :-)

Yes, I'm going to take them to the park for a bit to distract him.

Might get him to stay with DH while I set up, then he can just turn up when it's all done.

It's at 2:30. I'm hoping once all his friends turn up he'll be fine.

He's not shy normally.

There are four magic words I would say to him: There will be presents.

Totally agree with the presents bribe - has been my main negotiating trick on a number of occasions.

You're not the only one with a DC that was reluctant to have (or go to) a party, even for themselves.

My DS2 was the same, and he found his own parties hard. Now he's a bit older, he has explained to me that he didn't like the thought that everyone was focused on HIM. He is a DC that likes to 'fade into the background' an awful lot, so having 15+ people focussing on him was very difficult for him.

I'm pleased to say that he has finally well and truly got over this - and is planning his 10th birthday party already this year. His birthday isn't until NOVEMBER!

I would definitely use the magic words "there will be presents". I would also give him a 'job' to take his mind off it - collecting coats at the door, then playing games, then setting out the food.

It WILL get better!

Can't understand it - why didn't you stick to a couple of friends coming round? You made it into a party, even though you know he doesn't like them. Not all children do,and they are not compulsory. Do you feel he is missing out by not having one? Do you feel as if you are missing out by not having one?

I've only ever had one children's party, when my DS3 was 5. My DS1 didn't want parties, and my DD1 usually has one or 2 friends round...much easier to arrange and handle.

I also have a DD who hated parties when she was younger (basically until she was at senior school) and who still doesn't like having her own at age 14 as she doesn't like being the centre of attention. She would have hated a party in the village hall. What were you thinking? Poor DS.

My dcs were party animals but I had a friend whose child really wasn't that keen. She especially disliked the idea of having her own birthday party because she hated the idea of being the centre of attention. This child was OK with family around for tea but a party in a village hall would have been her worst nightmare. So I do wonder why you thought your ds would like similarly.

I hope it goes OK but I rather fear you will be hosting a party for everyone except the birthday boy.

He'll be fine just keeping mentioning presents and sweets.

Maybe don't do any activities that involve too much of a fuss being made of only him, stick to things that involve everybody.

If it helps my DC who all love parties have often had a bit of a wobble before their own every now and again.

I don't know why certain posters are being so nasty to you about this, you've obviously tried to do something nice for him and you don't know yet that its a disaster until its all over.

Are there activities for the kids to do? So that your ds isn't the sole focus?

If it's a centre of attention thing that he dislikes, then perhaps keep it all extremely low key. Have a table where people can put presents if they bring them, rather than having them handed to your DS2; let him play what he wants and where he wants, without having to greet guests or play specific games that highlight his birthday status - and ask him if he wants to blow out candles on the cake.

Apart from that, and doing what others have said, I suppose you can only gee him along a bit by telling him that it will be just like any ordinary play day but in the hall so everyone has room to play.

And next year just keep the list really small!

This is nerves, pure and simple. My own dd was the same in the week running up to her party; she is the same about Christmas too - hoping Santa passes by etc! Of course once it arrives, she loves it.

Just in case, can you have a trusted adult (eg granny) on standby to baby him if he gets shy?

Tip off the entertainer if he will be too shy to do the usual birthday boy bits.

And HAppy 4th Birthday to your DS2! :)

Aaah this takes me back. We had to rehearse blowing the candles out and everyone clapping for my DS1s 4th Birthday party (5 children at home), because being the centre of attention upset him at that age. That was after the 3rd Birthday party balloon debacle.

Poor little fellas. I hated/don't much like parties now, at my great age.

How did it go?

Hope he enjoyed the party.

It was great, thanks for all your advice.

He got over the cake issue

Was very clingy when everyone was arriving and didn't want to do the craft but soon settled in and was quite happy bashing everyone with balloons.

He didn't want to play pass the parcel until the last layer when he was miffed that he hadn't won

Had forgotten the cake issue by the time it came to blowing out candles.

We just let him get on with it and he had a lovely time.

Phew!

Glad it went well... he WILL hold it against you forever though, even though he enjoyed himself.

I still mention my 4th birthday party to my mum, she thought that as I am such a dramatic and sociable person I would ADORE a party in a village hall where near enough the whole bloody village was invited (small village, I am not royalty) it happened just after a punch and judy show (I also hate these) and I hated every single second, especially the part where I had to share MY cake with strangers (friends no problem). I love my mum. I will never forget it, but it supplied a few giggles over the years.