to think DH is being a bit pathetic?

[CailinDana]

I am 39 weeks pregnant. DH has taken some annual leave and combined with his paternity leave he is now off for a month to help look after DS(2) and to be here for the new baby (obviously). On the one hand given that I'm huge and tired I'm glad to have his help. But, and I don't know if I'm being a bit unfair here, I feel like he makes such a meal out of the things I do every day that it just pisses me off and I wonder by the end of the week if I'll just want to strangle him!

Just to say, he is fab with DS and plays with him a lot which is great. But the idea of playing with DS and getting housework done seems to be a massive task to him. He has basically taken over I suppose 80% of what I do day to day and it seems to be stressing him out majorly. Yesterday we went shopping in the morning, then I put DS down for a nap when we came back and he sank into the computer chair as though the world was ending. Did nothing while DS was asleep, which is fine, I often do that. Then DS got up and he said he'd "better do the hoovering" (which I'd had to remind him about 3 times, I would just bloody do it only I'm having horrendous BHs and have pelvic and cervix pain and I just can't manage it) like it was the most onerous task imaginable. Did that, then played with DS for while before bed, at which point he flopped on the couch like he hadn't an ounce of energy left.

I've been doing all that stuff and a lot more while heavily pregnant, and I've been fine! AIBU to think "man the fuck up and just get on with it you whinging pansy!" He's a fit and healthy (relatively) young man, surely running a house with one (very cooperative) toddler shouldn't be so exhausting??

"Not that would bother DH of course, he's a mucky pup and would live in a pigsty quite happily."

I think you've hit on the reason. Rightly or wrongly he doesn't feel the need to keep the house as tidy as you feel it should be kept.

So cleaning to your schedule feels like an unnecessary chore to him and he is therefore reluctant to do it.

DP took half an hour to make tea and crumpets one morning when I was heavily pg. makes such a meal out of things

Probably true Snorbs, although I only really expect the most basic cleanliness. I mean currently there are toys literally everywhere all over the sitting room, the dishwasher is full and there's a heap of stuff waiting to go in, including the macaroni cheese dish from Friday's dinner, the kitchen table is covered in random crap, etc. He agrees with me in principle that the house needs to be at least somewhat clean, and is actually generally good at keeping the kitchen clean, but now that he's expected to do other things the kitchen seems to be losing out.

SayCool - we're hoping this baby will be here soon! I'd bet anything the little bugger will go right to the wire though and it'll mean DH is back at work a week after she arrives . He decided to start his leave now because I am struggling with the day to day - just looking after DS (apart from keeping the house running) is totally wearing me out what with the constant BHs. We have no family help nearby so if DH isn't home I'm entirely on my own.

Of course it's nothing to do with being a woman or man. That's my point. The people thinking its to do with being a woman or a man are those suggesting men are unable to multitask or struggle to understand what needs doing. Only they're not. They manage to do quite well at their paid jobs. Which is my point. Apologies if the use of a sarcastic way of putting it confused.

Indeed looking after children and housework can be hard work and mind numbing. Again that's the point. Women are getting on and doing the hard mind numbing low status stuff, whilst men are doing the out of the house higher status paid stuff. It isn't because they are unable to do the former, even if we're led to believe its the case. Again, didn't mean to confuse.

It seems like kind of a waste of his precious leave for him to be there annoying you and not being much help.

If your son is so easy, could you just live in a pigsty and get DH to do the bare necessities when he gets home?

I think that's what I would do if I could.

As someone who struggles to multitask housework and childcare, who likes to schedule in tasks, and is married to someone super-efficient, I know how it feels to be the incompetent one.

Maybe playing to his strengths by saving him up until the baby is here when he will be awesome would be better for all of you?

I agree with the pp...you may not even give birth for another 3 weeks, meaning the majority of your oh's leave will be used before baby is even born.
Send him back to work and do the bare minimum until baby is born. You'll need him there a lot more when you have a 2 year old and newborn and are recovering from giving birth to boot!