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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be sad for someone I don't know and have never met?

23 replies

BabyMakesTheBellyGoRound · 15/02/2013 21:37

I was on the bus today and overheard a conversation the two women in front of me were having.
A: Have you seen Linda lately?
B: I haven't seen her in weeks,I've seen himself though.
A: He must have given her another hiding, she's waiting on the bruises to go.
B: Probably. The only way she'll leave him is in a coffin.

They discussed Linda and her violent partner a bit more. My heart was literally breaking for this poor woman. Its obviously not a secret that she is beaten

OP posts:

Selba · 15/02/2013 22:09

Yes I get that too. I'm even feeling it now for Linda, third hand.

Whydobabiescry · 15/02/2013 22:11

Lets hope that Linda one day gets the strength to walk away from her abusive relationship xx

XBenedict · 15/02/2013 22:14

serin · 15/02/2013 22:14

I know a Linda in RL and she is in exactly that situation.

Everyone who knows her worries about her.

So sad.

CuriosityKilledTheCrap · 15/02/2013 22:15

Someone at my work met up with her estranged niece (young) who's in an abusuve relationship. It was the first time they'd been allowed to meet... Work mate didn't see the baby but its ok - niece brought pictures. in the meantime work mate is praying for her.

It broke my heart. The young vulnerable niece with no real family... Just a classic 'victim'. She is a Linda too.

CuriosityKilledTheCrap · 15/02/2013 22:16

First time in 2 years

quoteunquote · 15/02/2013 22:19

horrid, just horrible, I hope she leave soon.

Twattybollocks · 15/02/2013 22:20

I knew a Linda, she left the bastard and is now in another relationship with a wonderful man and I'm so happy for her. Yanbu to feel sad, no one should live in fear

MavisGrind · 15/02/2013 22:27

Years and years ago when I was young and somewhat clueless, a woman through work told me about taking out the lightbulbs downstairs at the weekend so that when her H came home drunk and tried to put the lights on they wouldn't work. Apparently this would mean he'd stumble to bed and not be able to see to beat her.

The tale was told with such resignation/matter of factness that I didn't question further. Just awful.

ClutchingPearls · 15/02/2013 22:35

Someone I worked with briefly (until her P stopped her working) used to sleep with her head further down the bed under the covers. so, when he came home and got into bed she would have a few seconds warning that he was going to attack her. It meant he used to lie down and punch at the pillow rather than her head.

So sad, I still feel guilty that I wasnt able to help her somehow and don't know what happened to her.

SquinkiesRule · 15/02/2013 22:40

Oh dear what a horrible conversation to overhear. I hope she is OK.
Makes me want to arm the villagers with torches and pick axes and send them to free the poor woman. Men like that need to feel the pain the inflict on others and should really get a good hiding from a bunch of angry women who have escaped such environments.

DeepRedBetty · 15/02/2013 22:40

yanbu. There but for the grace of god go I.

Wolfiefan · 15/02/2013 22:47

Squinkies. I don't have a pick axe. Will a shovel do? I'm with ya'!
Poor woman.
PS. If you are on here Linda. We all feel for you. Feel free to chat.

TheStitchWitch · 15/02/2013 22:50

I have a friend in this situation and it breaks my heart.

At present she has torn finger nails from trying to hold her bedroom door shut to stop him from getting to her, when he got to her he held her up against the wall and punched her in the face.

She came to mine to call the police, they took him away, she didn't press charges and they released him the next day.

He is back at the house now, I want to help her but don't know how.

I'm there for her if she needs me. I just hope she gets out before it's to late:9

SquinkiesRule · 15/02/2013 22:53

TheStitchWitch I am so glad that you are there for your friend, one day she will see the light and then she really will need you to be there and help her stay strong.
Get your shovel Wolfiefan I've got a golf club somewhere.

rumbelina · 15/02/2013 22:59

Someone I know tied a piece of string across the top of the stairs in the hope that her often drunk, violent partner would trip and fall. She was desperate. It didn't work but she did break free with the support of her lovely friends.

It is awful what some people go through.

Yanbu.

TheStitchWitch · 15/02/2013 23:00

Hope she does see the light soon Squinkie

The police have told her that if they are called again, they will press charges whether she want's them to or not as they've been out to her quite a few times and there are DC involved:(

I didn't know the police could do that but I'm glad they can.

Original poster

BabyMakesTheBellyGoRound · 15/02/2013 23:12

I think this poor woman will stay with me for a long time. What some people go through,its just not right.

OP posts:

INeedThatForkOff · 15/02/2013 23:15

YANBU. My brother lost a close uni friend in a hit-and-run a few months ago. I had never met him but sent my condolences to his mum via FB and we chatted via a few messages.

I think of her and her agony often, though I haven't been in touch since and don't want to 'intrude' on my DB's grief by commenting on the FB tribute page. I know from what she said at the time that she thinks people will forget him and move on, but silence doesn't necessarily mean that. It breaks my heart.

izzyizin · 15/02/2013 23:33

The police can't 'press charges' but the CPS can, Stichwitch, and IMO that body has a lot to answer for in terms of dereliction of duty to victims of dv as, again IMO, abusers get far too many chances to re-offend before their sorry arses are brought to account in the criminal Courts.

INeedThat I hope you'll take time to drop your db's friend's mum a line on the anniversary of his death and at Christmas/New Year - and, if you know the date, on his birthday - and that you'll do this every year as it will mean so much to her to know that he's not forgotten.

I have no religious persuasion but on Christmas, New Year, and All Hallows Eves I light candles for those I've known who've gone before and it is a tradition in my family to dedicate our first drink of the day/evening to 'absent friends and loved ones'.

INeedThatForkOff · 15/02/2013 23:41

I will. It'll be his 21st birthday next week

SanityClause · 15/02/2013 23:46

DH has a cousin who is recently divorced from a woman, and I feel desperately sorry for her, but have no way of contacting her.

She was apparently sexually abused as a child by her step father. She is estranged from her family, who are in another country, anyway, because of this. (She wasn't believed, and her mother chose to believe her abuser.)

He, and his family do not believe her, and think she is just "messed up" and "attention seeking".

She now has various addiction problems, and because of this, does not have custody of her children, despite being the sole carer, while he worked abroad throughout the week, and only came home at weekends.

He often used to insist on staying with family members who really disliked her, on weekends.

Even if she was lying about the abuse (and I believe her!) she clearly needed help and support that she just didn't get.

It's horrible to feel so helpless, when you would like to be able to help someone.

SirBoobAlot · 15/02/2013 23:46

YANBU :(

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