to not be grateful that my dh wants to take me out??

[CharlandOscar]

my dh has just told me he has booked a suprise meal on sat night at 8. im delighted that he has been so sweet and thoughtful. but i dont want to go. i want to sleeeeeep. im also not ready to leave my 3 month old in the evening. to make it worse he has my FIL lined up to baby sit. i dont really likelooking after ds and he smokes like a chimney.(this ive not told my dh)
my dh could tell i wasnt thrilled as is sulking downstairs. he thinks i need to learn to leave him. Im not ready. AIBU??

No, YANBU. 'Surprises' are all very well but this sounds more like an attempt to get his own way (ie some attention from you and probably a blowjob as a reward).

YANBU, if you're really not ready. I didn't leave DD for at least 6 months, apart from with DH. It's a shame though .. nice thought!

missed out a key word there!! 'dont like my FIL looking after my ds!!'

At 3 months, could you not take your DS with you? Is he the sort to sleep happily in a car seat next to you while you eat?

Kinda depends if its a 2 hour or a 6 hour thing.

FWIW I understand your retinence, but if you have the desire to keep a relationship alive, don't throw gestures back into your partners face.

No! Definitely not BU. nice of him to book a surprise but needs to be something you will enjoy, and you won't enjoy a night out if you're felling worried and tense. A takeaway or lunch instead with baby coming too maybe?
I have 3 children and didn't leave any of them in the evening - or any time really - until they were much older than 3months.
Good luck - hope your H sees it from your point of view!

Jesus, you can't leave a baby with a chain-smoker!

Tell him you love him and so appreciate the thought but you're just not ready yet. And that when you are there needs to be a suitable sitter!

YANBU. If you're not ready, you're not ready, never mind if someone else left their baby overnight before they were even born yada yada. I wouldn't like someone who smokes that much looking after my baby.

Is there any way to compromise? Lunch instead, takeaway and a film?

YANBU

At all. Plenty of time for meals out in the future.

YANBU. I only left DS2 for the first time on Saturday night and he's one! If you're not comfortable, then don't. Its a nice gesture but you should maybe ask if you can reschedule for a few months time?

No. Take him with you in the car seat that's what we did. Enjoy your meal

im going to talk to dh in the morning. i do want to keep our relationship alive and understand the importance of time together but we never really went out for meals before ds was born
its a posh place so cant take ds with us.
im going to have to mention my feelings towards his dad. oh boo. ill suggest a lunch somewhere instead...

Yeah rescedule Valentiens Day for Mid July ....

Good idea OP Good luck.

Blimey op I could have written the same post! My DH was a bit crest fallen when I wasn't excited about leaving our 3 month old for a meal out either. He has cancelled the evening which I feel a bit guilty about but really felt it would show that I wasn't enjoying the evening because a) I'm too knackered and b) I'm just not ready to leave dd yet. I'm sure our marriage will survive though...

Ive just talked to dh (just about meal not fil) and suggested lunch or spa! He is going to cancel meal. hes still in a huff and cant understand why im being so silly. ah well. artemisia i hope your dh understands your reasons :)

YANBU at all

Posted to soon.

It's nice of your DH to organise a surprise but not to force you. To leave your DS e cause he thinks you should. A surprise should e something you will enjoy.

YANBU DS is 10 months & I'm only just dying to ready to leave him.

Don't be emotionally blackmailed.

What's with the , HollyBerryBush? Valentine's day hasn't been mentioned, either.

we are going for lunch on sunday instead! dh thinks im being over protective, but i cant help how i feel!! thanks for all your reassurances