to think this should not be my responsibility

whitby36 · 2013-02-14T14:32:00+00:00

I am a sahm to two primary school aged dc and a 5 month old. last night dh was moaning because the recycling bin wsas overloaded. I pointed out that it shouldn't just be my responsibilty to do it just because I sahm. AIBU He does work long hours though.

CailinDana · 14/02/2013 14:36

I'm a SAHM to one toddler. DH wouldn't dare to complain about anything around the house because I would kick him in the nadgers I would sweetly point out the million other things I had done and by the time I was finished he would have died of boredom. My policy is, if there's something around the house he's not happy with, he can bloody well do it himself.

NoImSpartacus · 14/02/2013 14:37

He works long hours, you are at home all day. To me it is a no brainer that you should empty the recycling bin.

CailinDana · 14/02/2013 14:38

Oh and bins and hoovering upstairs are DH's job, I never do those.

obtuseone · 14/02/2013 14:38

YANBU, tell him if it bothers him that much to do it himself

erowid · 14/02/2013 14:39

Its both of your responsibility for the upkeep of your house together.

A petty argument over who has to do the little jobs is a waste of effort imo.

gordyslovesheep · 14/02/2013 14:41

yabu - it's no ones 'responsibility' you are both adults ...bin is full - empty the bin

no need to be petty

KenLeeeeeee · 14/02/2013 14:45

Why does it have to be anyone's responsibility? The recycling needs to be sorted; whoever happens to be free at that time takes care of it. It's not bleedin' rocket science!

Original poster

whitby36 · 14/02/2013 14:45

Thats the point though gordy. Dh clearly thinks its mine. He didn't empty it, btw

OP posts:

KenLeeeeeee · 14/02/2013 14:45

Great minds, gordy

TheNebulousBoojum · 14/02/2013 14:47

If it's a problem, split the jobs up and have a proper rota. It's how our household works, even down to the washing up.
Add the children to it as soon as they are old enough to be useful.

StormyBrid · 14/02/2013 14:50

You stay in with the baby, he goes out to work every day. Any particular reason he can't put the recycling out when he's passing the bin on his way out of the door in the morning?

Agreed that it's a joint responsibility though - you're his wife, not his maid. If you're too busy during the day he should be willing to pick up the slack when he's home. Of course, if you're duct-taping the baby to its bed so you can spend the day eating cake and having your nails done, then he may have a point, but I suspect that's not in fact what you're doing.

Suzieismyname · 14/02/2013 14:50

if you have the chance to do it whilst he's out of the home, then do it, if not then why can't he? Being a SAHM doesn't mean that you're a 24x7 skivvy.
I bet he gets chance to have a break of some sort at work, so you deserve one too. I'm not suggesting that you should be running round cleaning every moment he's out of the home.
See if you can both come up with jobs that are easier to do when he's at home and split them fairly

Suzieismyname · 14/02/2013 14:53

if you have the chance to do it whilst he's out of the home, then do it, if not then why can't he? Being a SAHM doesn't mean that you're a 24x7 skivvy.
I bet he gets chance to have a break of some sort at work, so you deserve one too. I'm not suggesting that you should be running round cleaning every moment he's out of the home.
See if you can both come up with jobs that are easier to do when he's at home and split them fairly

TheNebulousBoojum · 14/02/2013 14:54

That's why you need to sit down and sort it out, each of you will be under the impression that the other is having an easier time of it.
When I had a SAHP, the things that annoyed me were having no milk, washing up not done and the bins being full when I staggered home. Hoovering and toys all over the place didn't register.
So sit and talk and work out who does what.

TheNebulousBoojum · 14/02/2013 14:55

'I bet he gets chance to have a break of some sort at work, so you deserve one too.'

No, I didn't. I worked through lunch and breaks so that I could get home earlier.

meditrina · 14/02/2013 14:56

Does he complain a lot? Or might it be one off foot-in-mouth?

Original poster

whitby36 · 14/02/2013 17:00

I didn't bother to comment at the time as it is trivial. I do think it is about us understanding each others role. I appreciate he works hard during the day. However. Sometime he thinks all I do is go shopping and to coffee mornings.

OP posts:

TheNebulousBoojum · 14/02/2013 17:32

Which is why you both need to talk. Calmly.

nickelbabe · 14/02/2013 17:34

it doesn't matter whose "responsibility" things are - it should be the rule that whoever notices a thing needs doing should be the one who does it

nickelbabe · 14/02/2013 17:35

it takes just as long to complain about the recycling bin as it does to empty the bloody thing.

TheNebulousBoojum · 14/02/2013 17:58

'it should be the rule that whoever notices a thing needs doing should be the one who does it'

That doesn't work if you have different things that irritate you though, what if it's only ever one of you that notices?

MortifiedAdams · 14/02/2013 18:01

Jobs around the house are just jobs around the house. You do what you can when you can, and so does he. Naturally as you are in the house more, you will do more, but it doesnt absolve him of all duties.

My response would have been "so empty it then".

MortifiedAdams · 14/02/2013 18:02

OP, if you are FFing or expressing, I strongly advise having a 'day off'. DH does whole days with dd as I also work FT and he only realised how hard it was once he started doing it.

nickelbabe · 14/02/2013 18:50

then so be it nebulous
her dh noticed the recycling, he should be the one who empties it.

anonymosity · 14/02/2013 18:53

YANBU. He doesn't need to complain to you about it.