AIBU and selfish to be considering this?

[Pontouf]

I am 32+5 with DC2, so fairly unreasonable at the best of times. I had an elective C-section with my first child as he was breech. I am planning a VBAC for this baby when the time comes for sveral reasons. Firstly because i want to experience a normal delivery. I had PND after my son was born and i think this was partly due to my disappointment at having to have a CS and the resulting feelings of having "failed". I also struggled to breastfeed after the CS but persevered and managed it in the end. Also research suggests it is the safest option for me and the baby. However at my last consultant clinic appointment I was warned that the baby is currently measuring on the 80th centile, so a predicted birth weight at term of approximately 9lb 2oz. This measurement is predicted by both a detailed scan at the Fetal Medicine Unit and by measuring the fundal height.

I asked if the fact that the baby is measuring big would affect my chances of a normal delivery. I was told that if the baby went over 95th centile they would strongly recommend an ELCS and to be honest at that point I think i'd be fine with that! The Drs at my hospital seem quite keen for me to attempt a VBAC which I am happy about.

Yesterday I had a bizarre conversation with a colleague at work. I was saying that I was slightly concerned about the baby's size and my ability to birth him/her - I am only 5'1". I was saying it in a slightly jokey "what am I getting myself into?" sort of way. My boss had joked earlier in the day that I'd be fine, that I had good childbearing hips and I'd said it wasn't my bloody hips I was worried about!

I was relaying this chat to my colleague who suddenly got very serious. She said "In all honestly Pontouf I think you'd be crazy not to opt for a CS. The thing is if the baby gets stuck it could end up disabled and you'd be stuck with a disabled child. And the Dads can never cope with that so they fuck off and leave the mum with the disabled kid. I don't really understand why you'd risk that".

I managed to just smile and nod at the time and said that the decision wasn't a firm one and that I'd got another consultant appointment in Monday and that I'd take advice then. Afterwards I felt quite tearful though and although I don't think she is that well informed (and incidentally has no idea what my DH would do if we were to have a child with disabilities!) it has made me wonder if I am being selfish opting for VBAC instead of insisting on a ELCS. If I'm totally honest most of my reasons for going for a VBAC are to do with my health and well being rather than the baby's, although I do think that a normal delivery is safest for the baby too. Just feeling a bit conflicted really as I hadn't really considered the possibility that I was putting my child at risk by my decision.

What would other people do in my situation? Sorry for epic post by the way....

The shoe size thing is not true.

OP, DS was 11lb 7oz with a 40.5cm head - he was badly positioned and needed forceps, and I had a PPH but actually far less damage to me than 8lb 2oz DD (3a tear, PPH, retained placenta removed under spinal anaesthetic)

Your colleague is talking scaremongering bollocks and you should tell her so. If you, and your consultant, are happy with your VBAC choice, then go for it

Shoes size is bollocks i have size four feet but birthed a baby of almost 11lb and his head circ was off the chart at 42cm
had him in birth pool.

Position of the baby makes a difference. My dd was only 8lb my smallest baby but she waa back to back and labour was much harder.

Your colleague is an arsewipe.

The doctors will advise you on the best course of action for you and your baby, if they think a CS is the right thing they will tell you so, its entirely your choice but they will guide you to make the one they think will be best.

I have had estimates of weights with all my babies, every single one of them has been totally wrong. My 9lb 2oz son was 'around 6lbs' apparently, my 6lb daughter was 'oh my goodness you have a big baby there'.

You need to perfect the nodding and smiling technique, while you are really letting it go in one ear and out the other. Lots of people seem to love telling you all the hideous things that can/will/did go wrong the minute you get pregnant. I used to hear at least once a week 'Oh my God you're pregnant, I nearly died when '.

Don't upset yourself over one twatty, ill informed opinion

Thanks everyone. I am very conscious of the baby's position because of DS being breech. At the last scan it was head down with the back down my left side, which I believe is a good position. I think from the positions of the kicks I get and the feel of my bump that the baby tends to be in this position or with his/her back to my stomach. Most of the kicks are above my belly button on the right hand side. I try to avoid reclining positions, i lie on my left side predominantly in bed and sit on my birthing ball to watch tv in the evenings. I have an active job and am walking around/standing most of the day so hopefully all these things will help get the baby to stay in a good position for birth.

Sounds like baby is in a good position and you are doing all.the rigjt things to encourage it to stay that way :)