Does any of this sound familiar? If you recognise your relationship in this, please think very carefully about your future with this man.
Initial Infatuation Period
He is extremely attentive, phones, emails or texts constantly
He gets serious fast. Talks about the love of his life, or moving in together.
He is jealous ? which might flatter you at first. ?It is only because I love you so much?
In this period, he will bring flowers and gifts, treat you like a ?princess?, be loving and caring. You might feel uneasy about the speed of the relationship but don?t want to rock the boat because he is so different from the guys who want to play the field.
First Doubts
He blames others eg for his failed marriage or relationship. ?My ex is a real bitch, I am so glad that I have found you?.
He tries to change you. Your hair, make up, clothes. In a subtle way, eg. by bringing you presents very different to the clothes you would normally wear.
He tries to stop you seeing your friends. ?I just want to be with you, I want to spend time with you?.
He doesn?t take notice of your feelings, ?Don?t be silly??
In this period, you might have moments of misgiving, but then he backs off and is the loving attentive man you first fell for.
Sewing The Seeds of Self-Doubt
He puts you down, at first when you are alone but later in front of others, often disguised as a joke.
He makes comments about your appearance, making you feel less attractive.
His digs are subtle, and when you call him on them, he is offended and upset that you ?didn?t get his joke?.
He insults your friends, and tries to stop you seeing them.
He is moody and unpredictable, but blames his bad moods on you so you start adapting your behaviour to keep him happy.
He accuses you of being unfaithful, or of flirting with other men.
He ignores you, if you do something that displeases him, and ?rewards? you with his attention and affection when he is pleased with you.
By now, you are already doubting yourself, and beginning to refer to him for minor and major decision making.
Escalation of Abuse
He stops you doing what you want, or seeing who you want.
He isolates you financially, making you dependent on him.
He blames you for anything that goes wrong.
He becomes more abusive, both verbally and physically
He becomes upset if you talk of leaving him, and threatens to do himself harm
By this point, you are cowed. You are frightened and isolated. You barely say anything, for fear of saying the wrong thing.