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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have had enough of everything today

17 replies

ariane5 · 13/02/2013 22:55

Just that really..

I am COMPLETELY fed up Sad

Dcs all unwell and Iam miserable I can't take it any more.I am always on red alert watching them and dealing with their numerous problems and appts. I keep wanting to cry today I am so tired.

I don't know where to start (check out my posting history Sad).Its all just too much and my life is a muddle.

I am struggling every single day with all 4 dcs complex needs I don't care if I out myself but I need to put down what we are up against:

All 4 dcs-ehlers danlos syndrome
Dd1 POTS+pectus ex as well
Ds1 severe migraines,speech probs and food allergy too
Dd2 t 1 diabetes
Ds2pectus ex+cmp/egg allergy
All of them currently on anti b for throat inf

Dh+I also have eds he struggles with daily knee dislocations and I have awful hip+back pain.
Every day we have either a dislocation/faint/hypos to deal with, no sleep and I can't do it anymore.DH was going to give up work but decided to wait a few weeks and see how we manage but I have nothing left in me to cope I am totally exhausted.I feel rubbish I look rubbish I don't know what to do.

We have financial problems now too (dh was off for few wks when dd2 unwell in dec/jan with no pay) I can't juggle all this I really can't.

I know there are people worse off but tonight I just feel so overwhelmed Sad

Please somebody tell me to snap out of it I can't have a breakdown but I feel I'm heading that way

OP posts:
Sirzy · 13/02/2013 22:59

I think most people would struggle to cope with the illnesses in one child let alone 4 of them. I am exhausted this week looking after one poorly child.

I wish I could say something postitive to help you. Do you have much support from family/friends?

CaptainSweatPants · 13/02/2013 23:02

For now if no one needs you go to bed, get some rest

For tomorrow phone home start for some help

Tell your gp, hv anyone else who'll listen that you need help

Book an appt with cab to sort finances

BambieO · 13/02/2013 23:02

I won't tell you to snap out of it as it sounds like you truly are having a horrific time.

Instead I'm going to ask you to list the very best thing you love about each of your 4 DC's and your DH (just because I'm nosy for starters and also to remind you and hopefully make you forget the bad times for five minutes)

Deal?

CaptainSweatPants · 13/02/2013 23:03

Also try & sort out your back & hip pain with gp
Change gp if they're useless
Life will be so much easier if you're not in pain

Original poster
ariane5 · 13/02/2013 23:04

Only family nearby are dhs family (tbh not really much help) my mum and my sister but dsis has epilepsy so often needs support from me and my mum works although at dcs school and helps some days if other dcs unwell/at hosp but its just the every day being on my own with them.

I don't drive so in hols am housebound as they have reduced mobility and although 2 little ones can go in double buggy older 2 can't walk far as fall/dislocate/dd gets dizzy/faints its a complete nightmare.

Want to try driving lessons again but can't afford it.It is a huge vicious circle I'm trapped and I realised today when ds2 was crying and wanted bf, dd2 needed bg check and insulin inj and dd2 was really unwell that I can't do it alone.

OP posts:
Original poster
ariane5 · 13/02/2013 23:11

BambieO ok I will try:

Dd1 is absolutely wonderful so so kind and gentle,very fragile but has such a kind heart and would do anything for others.

Ds1 he makes me laugh every day he has odd habits that are hilarious he also recently has been telling us how God speaks to him and tells him its ok to draw on the walls and put zhu zhu hamsters in girls hair.he really cheers me up.

Dd2 Is the bravest little girl she has been so unwell recently but so brave.

Ds2 he is 10 months so hard work but loves his food sometimes sitting down to feed him is the only time I sit down all day and he giggles and is just lovely.

DH is trying his hardest, have had probs lately but he works hard and tries his very best.He had to stay in hosp with dd2 recently and was wonderful with her through some horrible days. He is very patient with me I have been grumpy lately.

I feel guilty for complaining so much especially when I put down how wonderful dcs are but I'm just thoroughly exhausted and dreading every day.

OP posts:
morethanpotatoprints · 13/02/2013 23:14

Please see your doctor or hv, as you all need a break and some help.
I don't think superwomen could cope with all this, you are amazing to do all you are doing.
I'm sorry I can't offer any practical help but wanted to offer my support and empathy for what its worth.

Cherriesarelovely · 13/02/2013 23:17

It's no wonder you feel overwhelmed, you have such alot to cope with. You are, without a doubt quite amazing, I have one Dd and when she is ill and maybe my mil I find that testing, nothing compared to the challenges you are dealing with. Can you talk to your DH, or other family? Could you get some respite care?

Original poster
ariane5 · 13/02/2013 23:25

I feel so isolated I have no real friends as my life revolves around hosp appts and which dc is most unwell each day.

I just want to go out one day with NO bags full of medicines and food for ds.To not have to need massive buggies/wheelchair, to not be worrying every second which dc will dislocate or be unwell.

I want dd2 to be able to go to pre school again (she had started last year) as currently I'm meant to stay with her but I can't hold ds2 and do her checks etc so I don't go and I feel guilty as she loved it.

OP posts:
BambieO · 13/02/2013 23:28

You sound like you have a wonderful family ariane and more importantly YOU sound wonderful.

It seems you have coped far better than you care to think at the moment.

You shouldn't feel guilty for complaining, better out than in and at least venting means you get it off your chest.

Is your HV readily available to you?

For what it's worth, I don't think I could manage all you do in a month of Sundays and I feel a great deal of respect for you. I would hope in the same situation I could find your strength to look after everyone so well.

BambieO · 13/02/2013 23:30

Although you do need to look after yourself, how to find the time to do that has stumped me though :( I hope another poster has some more constructive advice

aldiwhore · 13/02/2013 23:32

Never feel guilty for just wishing it was easier.

You need a break, on top of everything else the weather is shite, the news is full of woe, it's all depressing for everyone... and you're working harder than many just to get through each day.

You need some respite, a real break. I think that setting aside some time to find some help/advice/respite would be a good start, and making that time happen is essential... For what it's worth, I'm a misery at the moment (through utterly trivial things in comparison) so I'd not guide you to your GP (because I've got nowhere and wasted a lot of energy) ... rather, any charity that could help you, specific to the conditions of your children (and I am sorry I don't understand exactly what, but that's by the by, you don't need to elaborate) but more general ones, there must be someone somewhere that can help you? ??

I will not tell you to snap out of anything, YANBU. Your post about who your children really ARE made me smile... you are astounding. Sorry if that is patronising, I am in awe.

I wish I could help. I really do, but wouldn't know where to start... please keep posting. YWNBU to keep asking. Could DH take some annual leave if you're not ready for him to give up workcompletely just yet?

Original poster
ariane5 · 13/02/2013 23:33

I desperately wanted dh to give up work and share the care with me (he drives too so would have been SO much easier) but he wanted to carry on working, 1 because he could not cope at home all day (his words) and 2 does not want dcs growing up in a non working household.
To be fair he has reduced his hours from 7-6 to 9-5 and will take time off for hosp appts I can't get to by myself but its the day to day I can't cope with.I can't even pop to the shops/post a letter its an ordeal just leaving the house.

My mum works full time but does what she can, I go to her house now during day as its nearer dcs school in case they are unwell I could get there quick but my dsis who lives there is often unwell and I find myself looking after her too if she has a fit.I don't mind it is hard but when she is well she helps me if she can.

OP posts:
Original poster
ariane5 · 13/02/2013 23:42

Dh took all the leave he could over xmas/new year when dd2 was in hosp.he works for his brother (new business) so got no wages for those weeks and it ruined us we have no money now and that isn't helping.
Aldiwhore-You made me realise by putting about who my dcs really are I feel bad sometimes I look at them and I don't see for example dd2 playing a game instead I see 'is she looking unwell/is she going to have a hypo/what might she trip on and dislocate something'

OP posts:
Original poster
ariane5 · 13/02/2013 23:48

No help available as far as I know from charities specific to their illnesses.

Eds is a genetic disorder affecting connective tissue-pain,fatigue dislocations all symptoms
Pectus excavatum-misshapen ribcage dd1 has it severely as does dh.ds2 has it but not as bad.
POTs (postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome) causes dizziness/fainting
The allergis/migraines are troublesome but currently its dd2 diabetes really making things hard as she's newly diagnosed and v up+down.

Dcs have physio/consultant appts/speech therapy/hydro and I do physio for dd1 and ds1 at home daily but its so so hard and all too much

OP posts:
Original poster
ariane5 · 14/02/2013 15:51

I have tried today to begin sorting things out, booked a gp appt for next week and left a message for hv.

I am still exhausted but realised today I am also getting very out of breath and feel how I did when I was anaemic a while ago so that is probably contributing to my miserableness.

Managed to go for a walk with 2 younger dcs in buggy earlier, didn't want to go out but they both needed a nap.

Everything is such a struggle I just want to unmuddle my life and feel better.

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 14/02/2013 16:38

You complain away!
I cannot imagine for one tiny second what you go through on a daily basis.
You seem like a wonderful mum and a fantastic person, but we all need a break from time to time.
Really glad you are sorting through it now.
I wish you all the best.

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