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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think me and this other mum both reacted wrongly

27 replies

MadamePenguin · 13/02/2013 21:25

and turned a non-event into a situation?

I'm just getting this off my chest really, because I'm disproportionately wound up about something that happened today.

After my sons' swimming lessons this evening I was in the changing room helping ds2 get dry. Ds1 was standing around wrapped in a towel when another boy threw his goggles at him, in a messing around jokey kind of way. DS1 caught them and laughed. As he was standing there, goggles-boy's mum came in, saw ds1 and shouted: "Those are mine, give them back." Ds1 was terrified and threw the goggles at the bench. I know he should have handed them to her rather than throwing them, but she really was scary. The goggles slipped under the bench and goggles-boys mum shouted: "That wasn't very clever was it. Picking on little ones."

Her son wasn't exactly little- about seven. Ds1 is just nine and small for his age, so she couldn't have mistaken him for an older child.

I said to her, "He wasn't picking on him." She ignored me. She must have heard me because the whole changing room had gone quiet.

Ds1 went over to two of his school-friends who are in his swimming lesson. One of them said, "What did you do?" Ds1 didn't answer, he's very shy and was probably nervous of talking within earshot of goggles-boy's mum. So I said to his friend, "Oh, what happened was that the boy threw his goggles at ds1, and the lady got mixed up and thought ds1 was being silly when he hadn't done anything wrong." I didn't want his friends to think he had been a bully, and I knew that goggle-boy's mum would overhear and I wanted her to know what happened. I saw her glaring at me when I finished speaking, but I ignored her and carried on helping ds2. Goggles-boy and his mum left soon after.

AIBU to think goggles-boy's mum over-reacted, and should probably have just said something like "Are those our goggles? Can we have them back? Thanks." Then aked her son why someone else had his goggles, instead of shouting at a child without knowing what was going on?

AIBU to think I was being a bit passive-aggressive in talking about the situation in front of Goggles-boy's mum instead of to her (inspite of the fact that she ignored me when I tried) and now I've probably made her more angry and now her anger will fester for the next two weeks (no swimming next week, it's half-term) and then it will boil over and she will beat me to death with pair of goggles at the next swimming lesson?

Sorry, I've gone on for ages about something that really is trivial.

OP posts:

Cornycabernet · 13/02/2013 21:27

I think you handled it really well.
Goggles mum was rude!

cansu · 13/02/2013 21:28

There was no reason for her to be so aggressive. She sounds v strange.

Donnadoon · 13/02/2013 21:29

I don't think you we're unreasonable I think you did well to hold your tounge Tbh.

Bessie123 · 13/02/2013 21:33

What else could you have done? She obviously didn't want to discuss it and you probably don't want to punch her in the face with all those witnesses about

HildaOgden · 13/02/2013 21:33

I think you handled it quite classily,really.

She was just a narky mare who thinks her precious offspring wouldn't do any wrong,we've all met the type.Don't let her bother you.

yummumto3girls · 13/02/2013 21:33

Sounds like you dealt with it well, she was being very rude and judgemental, she chose to ignore you so short of being confrontational you achieved what you needed to by letting her know what happened. Don't let it fester in your mind, it will all be forgotten after half term.

VivaLeBeaver · 13/02/2013 21:35

She sounds a it crazy.

If it had been me I'd like to think I'd be more assertive and have said politely but firmly to her that her son had thrown his googles to yours and perhaps she'd like to say sorry for been so shouty.

EmmaBemma · 13/02/2013 21:37

You actually handled it fine - you avoided a confrontation whilst also sticking up for your little boy.

cheeseandbiscuitsplease · 13/02/2013 21:38

Please wear goggles next time you take your son to swimming lessons. And maybe a swim cap :)
Seriously - you were great. What else could you have done in the circumstances? Think you did exactly what I would've done. Unless it was time of the month and I'd have taken said goggles and twanged them in her chops :)

MammaTJ · 13/02/2013 21:38

I think you handled it perfectly.

I would have told her the facts and not to pick on MY LITTLE ONE!

SashaSashays · 13/02/2013 21:39

I think you were both being unreasonable.

Her unreasonableness is clearly in relation to her aggression. Yours however, I think has two parts. Firstly you were unreasonable to be passive aggressive, either deal with the situation properly or ignore it. Secondly because you stood by while this other woman shouted at, intimidated and was quite rude to your son.

I understand that she ignored you, but I would have probably confronted her and stated the situation. Obviously at some point your son will have to learn to stand up for himself but until then, especially when your with him, I think you should have dealt with the issue more thoroughly.

I'm a bit rough quite confrontational though, so I guess it isn't an option everyone would choose.

WorraLiberty · 13/02/2013 21:40

I think you handled it well and she shouldn't have assumed your DS did anything wrong without asking.

Having said that, I've got a 10yr old DS and if he threw the goggles on the bench instead of giving them back, I wouldn't be pleased.

But ultimately she was definitely the unreasonable one.

aldiwhore · 13/02/2013 21:42

YWNBU in the face of such an odd woman... but please always smile at her when you see her, say hello, she may have been having an unreasonably bad day, and if she's just a bitch, she won't like it

You did good.

morethanpotatoprints · 13/02/2013 21:44

I think you did extremely well. I'd have found it hard not to deck her .

Have you talked to your ds and told him how out of order goggles mum was.
You do have some control though, I'm well in awe.
Its horrible when an injustice is done to one of your own dc.

Original poster

MadamePenguin · 13/02/2013 22:11

Thanks for replying, everyone. Feeling a little less wound up now.

Worra, you're right, I wasn't happy about ds1 throwing the goggles at the bench, but I could understand why he wouldn't want to go near goggles mum.

Sasha, yes I should have confronted her directly. I was just too scared. I was actually shaking when I was telling ds1's friend what had happened, knowing she could hear.

I don't know why she behaved the way she did. I suppose it must have looked like ds1 was being "ner ner ner ner I've got your goggles" and maybe she had reason to be hypersensitive to the possibility of her son being bullied.

OP posts:

socharlottet · 13/02/2013 22:16

I have to know were you in the male or female changing room?

aquashiv · 13/02/2013 22:19

Think you sensed that she had other things going on you were right to just say what you did and leave it there. You were the bigger person will you see her again?

MarmaladeTwatkins · 13/02/2013 22:21

You were fine.

She was a bitch.

PickledInAPearTree · 13/02/2013 22:25

Google-woman shot off her gob without establishing the facts.

Original poster

MadamePenguin · 13/02/2013 22:27

socharlottet- it was the male changing room. It's a school swimming pool that was only being used for children's swimming lessons, and there were quite a few other mums in there helping younger children.

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 13/02/2013 22:27

Is it an interesting read then Pickled?

PickledInAPearTree · 13/02/2013 22:31

Oh bummer! I had to read that about three times worra. Although I dread to think what google would throw up on that!

feelokaboutit · 13/02/2013 22:54

MadamePenguin - YADNBU!

This reminds me of my goggles situation at the swimming pool 3 weeks ago (not nearly as dramatic as yours though).

I was in the children's pool with dd aged 8 and dd aged 6. DD aged 8 had her goggles on her forehead. A lady came up to us (she was clothed and walking round the edge) and asked if those were dd's goggles as her son had just lost an identical pair in the water. I said yes they were. What I should have said is that if they hadn't been hers she would not have been wearing them . Anyway, she looked at dd in a kind of way and walked away.

I then had that silly feeling that you have when someone has "accused" you of something - that they may in fact be right and that in this case they were the boy's goggles on my dd's head . Anyway, I didn't give in to the feeling and we held on to our goggles!!!

socharlottet · 13/02/2013 23:06

Just interested as we have this big 'no females in boys changing room' thing at the high school where my Dc swim.

I think you handled the goggles thing, the only way you could really.the other mum was in the wrong - misread the situation and sounds a bit of a battle axe tbh

WorraLiberty · 13/02/2013 23:15

I'm not normally that subtle Pickled...my first thought was to point and laugh

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