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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to feel a bit weird about my sis going out with my BIL?

24 replies

macnab · 13/02/2013 20:35

My BIL split from a long-term girlfriend a few months back. It was very sudden and we were all shocked, we had been very fond of his GF and honestly thought they'd get married (they were living together) He ended it and she is still very upset over it all (have spoken to her a few times)

I'm very close to my sister. Today she came to see me and told me she's been seeing my BIL since xmas and they're mad about each other. Apparently he went to his folks' house last night to tell them, so now I know, its all out in the open.

I know nothing was going on between them until after he'd split from his ex, and I know they're both adults and free to do what they want but I cant help feeling weird about it. MIL was just telling me recently how upset she is and misses BILs ex so much. Now I feel so awkward. Like its all a bit close for comfort.

I probably am BU, are any of you in a similar situation family-wise and is it awkward or did it just seem natural after a while?

OP posts:

youmaycallmeSSP · 13/02/2013 20:37

YANBU to feel weird about it but I hope you will support them.

LeaveTheBastid · 13/02/2013 20:38

May be close for comfort, but just don't get too involved and leave them to it. Explain you won't be taking sides should it get messy. Nothing to stress over though, be happy for them!

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 13/02/2013 20:40

Look on the bright side, there are so many threads on here about shitty SILs, this will never happen to you if they get married, one less in law is never a bad thing imo I can see how it would be awkward if they split up, but for now just be happy they have found each other.

MissRee · 13/02/2013 20:41

My Mum's sister married my Dad's brother! Makes for a very close family but some people don't "get it"

DIYapprentice · 13/02/2013 20:41

In small communities it's quite common. But I'd feel a bit weird about it too.

PoppyWearer · 13/02/2013 20:42

My Gran's sister married her BIL. This was waaaay back, and yes, a small community. But apparently they were all very happy!

HollyBerryBush · 13/02/2013 20:48

Do you realise if your sister married your husbands brother, although all your children would be cousins, genetically they would be siblings by virtue of 4 common grand parents producing 2 strains of DNA.

useless trivia fact of the night

SirBoobAlot · 13/02/2013 20:50

YANBU to feel weird by it, but YWBU to be anything but nice about it.

Lamazeroo · 13/02/2013 20:59

I had a friend whose mother's sister was married to her father's brother. She had a male cousin born on her actual birthday. They were brought up on opposite sides of the world, so despite them practically siblings genetically speaking they didn't really know each other. HOWEVER she moved to his country in her 20s, stayed with her aunt and uncle, fell in love with her cousin, married him and now they have children. Apparently the grandparents were quite concerned and they had genetic counselling but all is well. She's my Facebook friend and they just have the most beautiful family.

egdeh · 13/02/2013 21:07

My dsis was widowed and remarried a friend of my DH she met at our wedding. All fine, except my DH had told my parents many a story about his reprobate mate prior to this and they were a bit worried! All good now though, and as dsis introduced me to DH, can't complain about the 'close to home' element.

Original poster

macnab · 13/02/2013 21:11

Oh god I'd be nothing but supportive of her, I love her to bits, but she doesnt have a very good track record with men so both DH and I are giving it another month! and a break-up would be awkward. I'm more concerned about how it will make things weird between me and MIL. We're a close family, lots of get togethers etc I generally dont handle change very well

Ha ha freaking out at the thoughts of them having a baby!! That "genetic sibling" info has given me food for thought alright...

OP posts:

ENormaSnob · 13/02/2013 21:11

If they are both decent people then I think yabu.

However, I would be livid if my sister got it on with my bil but that's because he's a cunt.

Original poster

macnab · 13/02/2013 21:15

No he's a nice enough fella. Its mostly awkward because he's not long split from his ex and she was like part of the family, MIL still very upset about it.

OP posts:

frustratedworkingmum · 13/02/2013 21:21

I know a lady who's sister married her DH's twin brother - and they live opposite each other

aldiwhore · 13/02/2013 21:24

YANBU to feel a bit weird, but it could actually turn into a really nice set-up for everyone. Eventually. Time will tell.

I would be tempted to congratulate both of them, and also tell your sister that you feel a bit odd about it but wish them well, however, if it doesn't work out, you will not take sides, and do not wish to be involved or made to feel like piggy in the middle.

So yeh, be happy, hope for the best, prep for the worst.

MimiSunshine · 13/02/2013 21:42

Macnab, I get how you feel. It's not the same as your sis and BIL but very soon after I met my BF my close friend started seeing strongly pursued his very close friend.
I wasn't happy about it as it all felt a bit too close to home, in my case I as worried that if it all went wrong or them it could affect my fledging relationship. As it is, so far so good on both sides, but I decided to just stay out of it, so if it did all go wrong then I wouldn't find myself in the middle.

I can't say I still don't wish she wasn't dating him but c'est la vie. Are you sure there weren't at least feelings there before (I'm assuming they must have met at least once before) and therefore this 'fessing up' means that things are actually a bit more serious than "we've been seeing each since Christmas"

MimiSunshine · 13/02/2013 21:45

Posted too soon. Meant to add, especially with the sudden break up of his relationship?
I'm not suggesting they cheated, but just there were feelings and he ended it when he realised it was building

montymum · 13/02/2013 21:50

My sister and DH's brother got together at our wedding. 2.5 years later they have a gorgeous baby and are getting married next Summer. It did feel strange to start with but you soon get used to it and we are just glad they are both happy.

Original poster

macnab · 13/02/2013 21:55

I really dont think my sis would have been with him when he was seeing someone else, yes they had met several times over the years but she never talked about him and actually got on very well with his ex. Its possible he had feelings for my sis but I'm not sure. It was him who initiated the relationship in fact he sent my sis a flirty text (after he'd split from ex) and she replied "wtf???!" and told me about it, so I really dont think anything was going on at that stage.

They do seem to be serious though. Oh I hope it all works out for them!

Our kids (age 2 & 4) are going to be very confused when they realise - they keep asking for Aunty

OP posts:

MimiSunshine · 13/02/2013 22:02

Well fingers crossed it all works out. Sounds like he's had some feelings for her even if it was more of a crush and ended his relationship when he knew that his ex definitely wasn't 'the one'

neunundneunzigluftballons · 13/02/2013 23:10

My dads family is massssoooive and 2 of his brothers are married to sisters and 2 of his sisters are married to brothers. It was cool for the kids they had all the same cousins and they were very close in both sets.

gimmecakeandcandy · 13/02/2013 23:54

Not really sure why it's a problem?!

MusicalEndorphins · 14/02/2013 00:56

It sounds like it happened so quickly, and that is what feels awkward. You all liked the ex so much, it probably makes you feel sort of disloyal to her feelings, because the new gf is your ds. If it were a year from now, it probably wouldn't feel so weird.

Other than the timing, I don't think it is bad....but it does seem a little insensitive to the ex gf. Not your fault though, and not much you can do about it.

ithasgonetotheopera · 14/02/2013 08:37

Think the sister going out with BIL concept is fine/sweet (possibly awkward if they split though).

What's weird is probably the speed of it, your family are still missing his girlfriend but he's moved on (or rebound?), AND its your sister probably makes it weirder.

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