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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not understand why so many people are bitter?

83 replies

SoldAtAuction · 13/02/2013 17:51

Warning: This is a thread about many threads, and includes references to FB and blogs

I truly don't understand if it is a cultural thing or not. I'm not from the UK, and I really don't see the same reactions over here.
I have noticed many threads on MN slating facebook posts. It seems that if you post about mundane things, people are sneery about it being dull, but if you post about fun things then you are being a show off trying to look more popular than you are.
If you mention anyone else in your post, you will make people feel excluded, but if you don't, then your posts are all 'me, me, me' ?
There seems to be an issue with people planning things on fb, and that it should all be done out of sight, by email.
Personally, I don't know many people who use emails like that, maybe it is more common in the UK?
If people feel so emotionally charged about it, why have facebook at all?

Also there seems to be a real hate on for bloggers. No one is making you read them, and as far as I know, you actually have to go looking for them in the first place. I really don't get it?
It comes across as though anyone who enjoys themselves is deluded, doing it on purpose to make you feel bad, or staging it in some way.

Perhaps I am getting a skewed view, because the people who are fine with it don't pop up on these threads.

OP posts:
muffinino82 · 13/02/2013 22:43

Btw, muffin, that's uber-twatty

I thought you were referring to me, then. Hopes you weren't in fact referring to me

Thing is, usualsuspect, I do like this friend, that post just made me Hmm with the uber-twattyness of it Grin

Original poster
SoldAtAuction · 13/02/2013 22:49

Minty, I agree, the internet is great for random blurting, and I am glad we all a space to express our selves.
I would much rather everyone got to be bitter than be silenced!
Not that I wish bitterness for anyone, tbf.

OP posts:
spongeypants · 13/02/2013 23:01

It is that people don't like the bragging, colleague of mine put status update as
Bedtime beckons; 4am alarm call. European day trips, the pits of international work travel

Her status updates are littered with this kind of stuff. It is pure bragging, which being British, nobody likes.

It did in face make me laugh, as another friend said she was often having to get up at 4m to take her five yr old sto the toilet.

socharlottet · 13/02/2013 23:08

We Brits just love to moan.

SomethingOnce · 13/02/2013 23:09

muffin, of course I didn't mean you!

Seriously, I would've imploded faced with that über-twattishness. And de-friended on FB. And prob IRL Grin

Moistenedbint · 13/02/2013 23:09

Facebook is largely used to convince others that you lead a glittering, somewhat superior existence. Grandstanding at its finest....especially considering the "like" feature... (Likes are great for validation too, gives a nice wee ego boost.. particularly when folks are feeling inadequate)

The ubiquitous shots of the "cooked from scratch" Sunday roast, the posturing, pouting glamour shots, photos of recently purchased designer gear, images of modified vehicles/expensive etc, status updates lamenting on about weight loss, exotic holiday destinations with "me at the Taj Mahal" .............. It (often) translates to - " I'm better than you", "envy me".

Try as I might, I cannot warm to FB...its just a wank-fillled cesspit full of needy people.

usualsuspect · 13/02/2013 23:16

Is it fuck.

Now you do sound bitter.

Whitewineformeplease · 13/02/2013 23:17

Since I discovered the hide button my Facebook life is a lot happier! Generally I don't mind the status updates, but I hate the chain mail ones, you know the type, "I love my daughter, she has enhanced my life, like this if you love your daughter too..." FUCK. OFF.

Southeastdweller · 13/02/2013 23:23

With Facebook, it depends on your relationship with the people you feel have excluded you. If it's close friends, like with the recent thread, then I feel she was justified to feel so hurt and feel bitter, at least in the short term.

Agree with moistened. It's all quite transparent what people use it for now, generally. Isn't it cited in a third of all divorces now?

Skinidin · 13/02/2013 23:26

I like seeing my friends' babies, kittens, crafty stuff.
And hearing what they're up to.

Why wouldn't I?

MerryCouthyMows · 13/02/2013 23:41

I LIKE fb. Yes, some posts are blatantly attention seeking, but the attention seeking is just one facet of a couple of my oldest friend's personalities. It doesn't show the crazy bunny-lady, Autism awareness, do-anything to help anyone side of a lovely, lovely person, who is occasionally crippled by anxiety. So, she sometimes posts the :-( - she isn't ACTUALLY doing it FOR the attention, even if that is a side-effect.

She is genuinely posting how she is feeling.

If I am up to supporting her, I'll answer, if I'm not able to right then, I arrange to go see her and give her a hug.

You can always ignore the 'look at me posts' if it isn't ALL that person posts, and they are a genuinely lovely person.

And to the person upthread who said that the "Early to bed, 4am start, pitfalls of European travel for work" post was bragging - now, to me, I can't see much to be envious of. An office in the UK, an office in Europe, you're still in an OFFICE, working.

More of a moan about work hours and an early start than a brag about going to Europe to me?!

And I'm most definitely NOT someone who would have a post like that on fb, either, but just because I can't afford to go abroad, doesn't mean that I'm jealous of someone getting up at 4am to go to work there.

In fact, I'd be hard pushed to be jealous of ANYONE getting up at 4am, for ANY reason. But then, getting up at 4am sounds like fucking torture to me!

ReindeerBollocks · 13/02/2013 23:46

We have friends who live in far flung destinations of the world and all they seem to do is bloody party! They also do seem to have a different approach regarding blogging and FB. They are very much into celebrating life in the now. Rarely do you hear them moaning about anything. It's not in a self congratulatory way either - they just appear very contented. Helps that they are all young and rich and I'm only a tiny bit jealous

Doesn't mean they don't get down days or moan about things, they just don't tend to put it on the net.

They also really like to celebrate our achievements or nice things that are going on in our lives, but we live in a cold country and don't have half as many parties Grin. I like the approach they have, even if I wouldn't consider blogging in a million years.

Moistenedbint · 13/02/2013 23:48

There's a big difference between innocuous updates relating to "babies, kittens, crafty stuff" and shameless bragging through.

Love the pseudo-cultivated updates too - "sipping a soothing cup of Mao Feng tea before our trip to to the Saatchi to see an exhibition on post-modernist confessional art"

Agreed southeast..

Moistenedbint · 13/02/2013 23:56

Yeah I'm dead bitter usual ...

("Empty barrels make the noise"... Presumably you're not familiar with that idiom..)

usualsuspect · 13/02/2013 23:58

You should post that as your FB status, moistenedbint.

usualsuspect · 14/02/2013 00:00

Then everyone can see how clever you are.

Moistenedbint · 14/02/2013 00:03

Typo... "Make the most noise"

Furthermore, you have to question why someone who is having such a "fab time" at some exotic, far-flung location is regulary updating their fb profile.. Wee bit incongruous.

usualsuspect · 14/02/2013 00:05

People who don't have FB, seem to know an awful lot about it.

How so?

Moistenedbint · 14/02/2013 00:06

Me, Clever? You're too kind blushes

I'm touched chick..

usualsuspect · 14/02/2013 00:08

Ok, hun x

Moistenedbint · 14/02/2013 00:14

Grin Hun? Facefuck vernicular at its finest. Suspected you might be a user Usual..

Original poster
SoldAtAuction · 14/02/2013 00:37

See, being annoyed I can understand, but what I don't get is the seething bitterness, that unshakable belief that everyone is 'faking it' and if they take a picture, they can't really be having a good time.

Didn't people's parent take pics of them on their holidays when they were kids, or of family gatherings? Were they faking it too?

OP posts:
znaika · 14/02/2013 01:34

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Beograde · 14/02/2013 07:44

I tend to agree with you OP, but I find with FB, there's a very fine line between bragging and telling your friends what you're up to (if you're doing something nice) - and it's very subtle. I was trying to think of an example right now, but you know it when you see it.

Beograde · 14/02/2013 07:45

Add to that, FB is going to be awful today!