Im going to try and keep this as short as i can, but i think of what i am going to say is relevant and will give you a better idea of the situation. I have wanted to get this off my chest for some time though so i cant garentee i wont ramble on!
So i have been friends with...lets say A, for over 10 years, since school. She always had poor attendance at school and if something knocked her confidence then she would avoid school at all costs. (she once had every thursday off because she got told off in a subject on a thursday)
Our school didnt have a 6th form, so we all had to go somewhere else. A tried 1 DAY at her new 6th form and refused to go back. she then did NOTHING for a year and just stayed at home. her parents didn't tell her to get a job, or try another school, just let her stay at home
the next school year she started at a local college. she lasted until january and dropped out. at first it was great for her confidence, she made lots of new friends etc. but then the same thing seemed to happen where she lost her confidence and again she ended up doing nothing at home. This time her parents strongly encouraged her to get a job. she refused, saying she didnt want to work during the summer hols because ti would be the last one we would have together before i left for uni.
during that summer hol, we went on holiday together. I noticed a dramatic change in her confidence. She refused to go out of the hotel - well she refused to go out the hotel room. i went to the spa one day (by myself, she didnt want to come) and came back to find her sitting in the dark in the hotel room because the electricity had gone off and she didnt ring down to reception :( she also only ate very small amounts (i have used extreme methods to lose weight in the past and know the sneaky ways to get out of eating food etc. so i recognized what she was doing)
when we got back she said she needed to go abroad to 'find herself' and told her parents that she needed a 6 week holiday. they paid??!! whilst over there she decided to stay. her parents had to pay for her again (plus they rented their own villa which only got stayed in a few days every month :s) she said it was her 'university time'....apparently whilst i was off 'having fun' at university, she was off having fun abroad face palm tbh i didnt stay in touch during this time, mostly because i couldnt afford the phone calls and she didnt have internet for a long time and a lot because i was annoyed. anyone else who wanted to go abroad to 'find themselves' had to work and save up first (and actually work whilst they were out there!) - i know i sound very jealous here and i suppose i was, but i think i am right too.
she stayed there for approx 18 months and then it all went wrong and she had to come back. a lot was for 'health reasons'. i was having a crap time in uni accomodation at the time so we decided to rent a place together. she was meant to get a job, but used her health reasons for a reason not to. again she stayed at home all day doing nothing. she got very depressed again. she had also started taking a lot of very strong laxatives (she had her own prescription and was also using her mums prescription and then buying some more on top). she was struggling to get to the toilet on time - so i asked her why she was taking laxatives if she was going too much and she said otherwise she was constipated (she was never constipated, she was always rushing to the toilet, she couldnt leave the house it was that bad)
she moved back home because she collapsed one day when she was on holiday with her parents and they wanted to keep an eye on her. at this point i decided enough was enough and i emailed her dad to tell him how much she was taking and i shared my concerns. her dad emailed me back and asked me if i knew the password to her email address (i did) and he asked me to have a look to see if she had been ordering laxatives online, as she was not leaving the house, yet she seemed to have an unlimited supply of them. i know this isnt a great thing to do, but people with eating disorders are 'sneaky', so it seemed the only way we could help her was to be sneaky back and learn the extent of the problem.
she was ordering laxatives from every online chemist we had heard of and a lot more, including vet chemists!! some of them seemed very dodgy! she was ordering every couple of weeks or so. she was also ordering a lot of diet pills, weight loss pills, fat metabolism, weight loss drinks etc. (she actually still is.)
she got diagnosed with a eating disorder, but nothing was ever done about it. her blood results were ok so they didnt want to hospitalise her. she was supposed to have counselling, but didnt want to go, so didnt. her parents think she is better - but i know she isnt. she still order this stuff, she still hardly eats anything, shes still smaller than a size 6, whereas shes naturally a 12-14.
shes struggled with depression too, but again now its 'ok'.
I personally think a lot of her problems is because she does nothing. she has nothing to aim for, nothing to live for. if i am off work for a week i start getting bored, i cant imagine not doing anything for 7 years.
back to the aibu - she is now really excited because she is starting a nutrition course. i think its great shes doing this course (online, not at a college or anything), but i think 1.it would do her good to get out and go to a college and meet new people (though im not sure if she would stick with it and 2. is this really the best choise of course given her eating disorder??? i know its something that you have to live with, but surely this is too much????