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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to move again?

10 replies

Ozziegirly · 13/02/2013 04:12

My DH has just been offered a promotion, but it means an interstate move from Sydney to Brisbane.

We have a 2.5yo and a 2 month old baby.

I have no family here and have a strong support network of friends - we have all been there for each other through pregnancies, miscarriages, some really tough times.

I want to support my DH but the thought of uprooting and moving and having to start from scratch is awful. The post would only be for 2ish years so it's not even like I could make "real" friends in that time as I would know I was going.

So aibu to say that I don't want to go? DH will stay having a good job, but this promotion is basically an acceleration for his career.

I feel like I might be being really selfish in not wanting to go. I thought a hearty dose of aibu might sort me out.

OP posts:

KeatsiePie · 13/02/2013 04:35

I don't think your feelings are selfish.

Sometimes you don't take an opportunity b/c of what it will cost you in other areas. This may be the case for you all as a family. I think it's very fair to bring that up and discuss it with him wrt. what it will cost you (again, as a family, b/c it shouldn't be your happiness vs. his, it should be the collective happiness of you both and the kids that must be evaluated) if he takes the job and you move, what other opportunities he will have for advancement, what your shared goals are for where to live and if relocation might be more of an option down the line, etc.

Justforlaughs · 13/02/2013 05:15

YWBVU if you didn't discuss your reservations with him and then blamed him if you weren't happy. You need to be honest about how you feel and then come to a mutual agreement. You say that it is a short term move, does that mean you would be back in Sydney after 2 years? You will probably find that all your friends will still be there waiting for you, (if that is the case) and will jump at the chance of coming to stay once in a while. While I can understand that you don't really ant to go, I would also say that your children are at the easiest age to move, it becomes very hard once they have made close friendships.

Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 13/02/2013 05:21

Ozzie, you've left some stuff out of your post:

a) You moved from Adelaide to Sydney three years ago, leaving your own career behind when you did so.
b) You moved from Sydney to Adelaide two years before that? Have I remembered that right?
c) And this is after moving from the UK a couple of years earlier as well? Which meant you had to retrain to practice over here?

HoleyGhost · 13/02/2013 05:28

It is a huge decision for your family and not one that should be rushed.

How soon will he have to give an answer? Are you on the same page with how you see your lives together?

Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 13/02/2013 05:29

Also, what's the long term plan for you getting back to your career? Will you be able to do that as easily in Brisbane as in Sydney, where I assume you have professional contacts?

Longdistance · 13/02/2013 05:49

Yanbu at all.

I've been in a similar situation as yourself. I have moved 5 times in 7 years, and one of those moves was to Perth WA. It's rather unsettling to keep moving around and not settle anywhere for long enough.

I hate beng the trailing spouse. It's awful. I gave up my career of nearly 15 years, and wish I hadn't. It's always me making the big changes.

Have a good think about it, and talk, as if you feel settled now, it's not fair to keep making changes.

ChristmasJubilee · 13/02/2013 06:47

YANBU to not want to go, especially if it is only for two years. Could dh work away during the week and come home at weekends?

Original poster

Ozziegirly · 13/02/2013 06:59

Thank you! Was expecting a pasting here for being unsupportive.

I'm not working at the moment (small baby) and don't have immediate plans - kind of wish I was as then I feel I would have more "leverage" than just the whole "feeling settled" thing.

Luckily dh is fully prepared to go along with staying if I'm against the move, which is hard as he is being totally reasonable and nice!

Tortoise, yes you're right, we have moved a lot, mainly due to dh's work.

I don't think he wants to move but it's a huge career leap for him and a chance to prove himself (basically running operations for a whole state).

OP posts:

LovesBeingWokenEveryNight · 13/02/2013 07:02

Would it be doable for him to do 4 days staying and one working at home with remaining where you are do example?

Original poster

Ozziegirly · 13/02/2013 07:33

Christmas - he possibly could but he doesn't want to miss that much of his sons' lives to be honest.

OP posts:

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