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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think our home life is nothing to do with my husbands boss

17 replies

brummiegirl1 · 11/02/2013 21:11

My husband come home from work tonight and told me that his boss said " I should get up with the baby and husband should sleep at night" To be fair to him he responded "she does get up with the baby and i do sleep".

I feel really fed up with this that they have been talking about us and the only thing i can think of that has made them say this is husband was late for work last week(15 minutes late) but he told them he was going to be late as we had a bad night with our youngest. Thats because our baby was ill and wouldn't sleep all night, i was nearly feeding him all night on me for comfort and when i put him down he wa screaming. I didn't ask my husband to get up but he was woke up by the crying. I told him to go back to bed and i only called him at 3.00 when i couldn't keep my eyes open any longer. He had the baby for just under an hour and i finally got to sleep at 5.30 and was up at 7.30 with toddler.

The thing is there was no way of DH not being disturbed as he was already in the other room and i had baby in his crib in our room. It also annoyed me that they obviously think i don't need my sleep too.

I can just imagine that they think i must stay in bed and DH gets up. Last year i stayed with my mom for 6 weeks while she recovered from a hip replacement and i had both boys with me so DH didn't have to worry about dropping our toddler off so could go straight to work so DH had all them weeks of unbroken sleep and i did the lot on my own. I know i should't care what they say but it's the thought of being talked about especially as i used to work there too until i took redundancy.

OP posts:
MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 11/02/2013 21:16

What were they talking about before his boss said that? It doesn't sound like the sort of remark that comes out of nowhere.

Cailinsalach · 11/02/2013 21:17

Feck em. You know how you and your dh run your homelife and its nobodies business but yours. Idle minds will talk and comment on stuff they couldnt have a clue about.
Dont let it worry you.

babiesinslingsgetcoveredinfood · 11/02/2013 21:18

YANBU it's none of their business. Besides, looking after a toddler requires you to be alert too, in order to keep them safe if nothing else. I presume you don't have a chef or cleaner either?

tell them to fuck the fuck off to the far side of fuck, and then fuck off some more Politely suggest that they mind their own business & if they have genuine concern over dp's long term performance, they should follow the correct channels.

ChestyLeRoux · 11/02/2013 21:19

Well it is to do with his boss if hes late.He shouldnt be late regardless,however its a one off then it was an over reaction.

GregBishopsBottomBitch · 11/02/2013 21:21

I thought good partners, no matter what, also got up and tried to help the person with the child.

LadyWidmerpool · 11/02/2013 21:21

Ignore ignore ignore and enjoy your family. Tell your DH you aren't interested in any more updates from his boss.

thebody · 11/02/2013 21:24

Perhaps he was just joking? If not he's a tit and its none of his business is it really.

Ignore it. Just wondered is he divorced? Single and childless?

brummiegirl1 · 11/02/2013 21:24

I think DH was in the office and they must have been referring to why he was late last week, he does not make a habit out of being late and it was a really tough night as ds2 was ill, he is normally really good sleeper and only wakes up once which i can handle as after a feed he goes to sleep himself. They have said other comments in the past like this running me down and then the boss had the nerve to say to DH are you going to have any more or are you done now! I know this was probably just conversation but because of the comments in the past it doesn't come out that way.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 11/02/2013 21:29

I think it's difficult to say whether the conversation was inappropriate without being fully aware of the context in which it took place.

kalidanger · 11/02/2013 21:31

I'd assume the boss is a chauvinist and was laughing heartily at the new-fangled ideas you about parenting you are forcing on your DH and causing him to be fifteen-bloody-minutes late for work.

On that basis I feel sorry for the boss' DW :o

porridgewithalmondmilk · 11/02/2013 21:32

thebody, I am single and childless, I am also a boss and wouldn't make a comment like that.

CoolaSchmoola · 11/02/2013 21:34

Part of me is wondering why your DH felt he needed to tell you something that was probably more blase than an actual suggestion - and that would clearly offend you. He could have not told you and avoided all this.

It was probably an off the cuff comment from a chavinist, rather than an actual instruction, and is therefore to be taken with a tower of salt or plain old ignored.

brummiegirl1 · 11/02/2013 22:17

I have just asked my DH how the conversation started and he said that he apologised for being late last week as this was the first time he saw them as he was working off site last week, the main boss said it was good to let him know and not to worry about it then the other boss said it should be me getting up at night not him, he needs his sleep as he has to get up for work!

Thats when my DH said i was up and his son was ill.

Feel mad mainly as it's the assumption that i don't have to get up as my toddler gets up early every morning so i don't get to lie in bed, in fact i'm up the same time DH is.

OP posts:
WilsonFrickett · 11/02/2013 22:22

The boss is an arse then, and probably a cave dwelling misogynist too. It's none of his business (providing your DP doesnt make a habit of being late). Ignore ignore ignore and don't worry about his assumptions.

LatteLady · 11/02/2013 23:09

I would send your husband to work with the following note in a sealed envelope:

^Dear Mr Boss

I am sorry DH is late for work, this is because we were having rampant sex. I know you are aware that we have small children and this is how it happened... it is also the only time that I can fit it in with my childcare responsibilities.

Thank you for your understanding... and please forgive him if he starts to snore in a post-coital funk

Yours sincerely...^

I think that may stop the chit chat...

ThreeWheelsGood · 12/02/2013 00:39

WHY did your DH pass on what his boss said? Is he being passive aggressive? There was no need for you to know and now it's upset you.

Astelia · 12/02/2013 04:17

I agree with those saying DH should not have passed on the comment. You don't know the context and it has upset you, especially as you know the people concerned.

It doesn't sound like the bosses were too bothered about the lateness, which is a plus. Just tell DH to keep any comments to himself in future.

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