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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To send anonymous valentines...

17 replies

InTroubleWithDPIfHeFindsOut · 11/02/2013 17:46

...to 2 single (male) friends on valentines day to cheer them up.

I just have 2 lovely friends who utterly deserve a card but otherwise almost certainly won't get one, and my DP would absolutely not understand (very insecure, hence i have name changed)

Would it horribly backfire? Is it cruel to get their hopes up? They are both pushing 40 and very shy, sometimes a bit socially awkward, but very lovely once you know them. I think they have given up trying a bit and are both heading to be the proverbial 40 year old virgins, which would be a waste. (Both have equally lived on their own for far too long, are stuck deeply in their ruts and may well be a nightmare to live with!!) I would send from moonpig anonymously, probably to their work addresses (or is that worse?).

Love them both dearly and just want to make them smile.

Thoughts?

OP posts:
Mimstar · 11/02/2013 17:50

I understand what you're trying to do, and I think it's lovely that you want to cheer up your friends, but I think it would be a bad idea, as you may get their hopes up and they would likely feel humiliated upon realising it was you.

Maybe try and think of another way to cheer them up? Smile

BumBiscuits · 11/02/2013 17:50

As someone who was on the receiving end of a sympathy Valentine's card I would say absolutely don't do it. It is an extremely patronising thing to do. Valentine's day is a pile of commercial pish anyway IMO. Maybe your mates share my opinion.

EarnestDullard · 11/02/2013 17:52

Speaking as someone whose Mum once sent me a card (when I was a teenager) and I didn't find out it was her until years later, I'd say no. Unless you're open about the intention behind it (sending as a friend, to cheer them up), it smacks of pity. I know that's not your intention at all, and I can see why it's a lovely idea, but there's also a hint of "I know nobody else will be singing you a card" behind it. And the getting their hopes up thing. I know how that feels :( so I wouldn't.

NeverQuiteSure · 11/02/2013 17:53

No, I wouldn't do it. I think your reasons are great, but there is far to much potential for it to go wrong and for feelings to get hurt.

EarnestDullard · 11/02/2013 17:53

Singing you a card? Sending, obvs.

exexpat · 11/02/2013 17:54

I'm over 40 and single (but female) and I would hate it if a friend did this to me.

Either they'd think they really had a serious secret admirer, and might end up embarrassing themselves if they tried to make a move on someone they suspected, or they'd feel patronised if they found out it was just you feeling sorry for them.

Secret valentine tricks are for teenagers, in my opinion, and can still cause upset, judging by another thread I saw on here this week. In fact my sister and her DH did do this to me years ago when I was about 19 and I hated it then too.

LeslieKnope · 11/02/2013 17:55

Please don't.

It's juvenile and pointless and extremely patronising.

And could end badly. I say this as someone with very similar friends.

Foggles · 11/02/2013 17:58

Don't do it for all the reasons mentioned above.

Much better to send them a personal "this made me think of you" type card at another time to cheer them up.

SnakesheadFritillary · 11/02/2013 17:59

Someone did that to me once as a student, it pissed me right off. She felt sorry for me because she had a boyfriend and I didn't. I was perfectly happy. I thought her boyfriend was awful. I couldn't believe she thought I needed her sympathy. I would never have bothered to have all those thoughts if she hadn't done that -- I would just have been living my life, part of which involved having her as quite a good friend. Don't do it!

Original poster
InTroubleWithDPIfHeFindsOut · 11/02/2013 18:02

Thank you oh wise mumsnetters. I suspected as much, so i shall not.

The question remains - what can i do to show 2 blokes how lovely they are without a) them taking it the wrong way and b) my DP not getting all daft about it? Hmm

Men are so very complicated sometimes!

OP posts:
UnrequitedSkink · 11/02/2013 18:12

Write them a profile for mysinglefriend.com? You don't have to post it on the site (I believe the friend has to give their permission before you can), you could just show them it. Either they put it on the website or they don't, the point has been made that you think they're lovely (in a purely platonic way.)

snowmummy · 11/02/2013 18:12

Nice thought - bad idea.

BumBiscuits · 11/02/2013 18:12

Have an anti-valentines night/party on Friday instead....invite your dp along and anyone else you can think of!

porridgewithalmondmilk · 11/02/2013 19:29

Do they need you to show them how great they are? :) I'm perfectly happy. I'm not ugly, I have a well paid job, my own home, own car, own teeth.

I also know it's highly unlikely that I will ever have a boyfriend. Just circumstances, and I've accepted that now - it's hard when people try to change that!

Mollydoggerson · 11/02/2013 19:33

Maybe they already know they are great blokes.

Fakebook · 11/02/2013 19:34

Why would you want to show them how great they are on valentines day? Why not any other day? I don't know. Sounds weird to me...there are single people in the world who are nice and know they're nice you know!

Mollydoggerson · 11/02/2013 19:35

Massively over stepping boundaries.

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