To think it's perfectly normal not to have £500 to chuck around for a club activity?

[Bunfags]

I'm getting a bit pissy with DS's club leader. He keeps mentioning trips abroad (one of which DS will be going on). However, he keeps putting pressure on me to let him attend another. It's £500 and he seems to think it shouldn't be an issue. I freelance, so he keeps saying that I can just do some more work. I'm also kind of pissed off that someone would suggest this to me, as it's literally my business.

I don't really see why I should explain or justify my work schedule or finances to anyone. He's also badgering me to start putting money aside so DS can go to Japan. The thing is, DS (teenage) doesn't like the activity all that much, but I make him go otherwise he would just spend the time on his Xbox.

Tbh, I would put a spare £500 towards a family holdiday, a visit to my family abroad or some much needed renovations on my crusty old cottage. In other words, something that benefits all of us. I also don't like the badgering and I don't just have £500 to chuck around like this. Maybe I am more poor than I realised? I was under the impression that this is a fair bit of money. The club leader is rather well off, but even so. Am I missing something here?

AIBU, or is this bloke being rude and overbearing?

YANBU

What type of club?

If it's a sport or something that your DS is very talented at, the club leader could be encouraging you to try and let him go because it'll benefit him hugely.

But that doesn't make it any less annoying, and his comments are pretty rubbish.

Of course, it's your opinion what you do with your money, and £500 is a lot. If you and DS are sure that he doesn't want to/can't afford to go, then tell the club leader that you've discussed it and decided against it, and end all further discussions on it. You don't need to be pressurised.

Yes, he is being rude by badgering you.

Asking once (maybe twice) if your DS can attend is fair enough; going on about it isn't. Assuming you want DS to continue with this pack, all you can do is give an identical answer along the lines of 'I cannot afford this trip' and refuse to get drawn into discussion ('Thank you for that. I cannot afford this trip' ad infinitum until he gives up - and breathe).

DS is good at the activity, but he's not madly enthusiastic. If DS expressed a burning passion for it, I'd be seriously thinking about how to budget for more trips. As it is, I'm already paying for one as I feel it would be a good experience for him. There was also a bit of arm twisting involved on this instructor's part.

I think it is a case of this man being enthusiastic. I do like him in other respects and he's a good old boy. I'm just not sure how to deal with him. I'm not very assertive and don't want to be all passive agressive with him.

£500 is a lot of money. I do Brownies and I'm encouraged to take the girls away, but for overseas trips we are supposed to fund ourselves rather than asking the girls to cover us. I just can't afford it myself, so feel that it would be wrong to ask the parents.... yet another Brown Owl in our district is whipping her girls off to Disneyland Paris every 2 years and doesn't think anything of asking them to pay £350 plus each for two nights, then gets grouchy of only a handful want to go!

If your DS's club is scouts or similar there may be help available if he wants to go but you can't afford it. It isn't up to the local club leader to decide whtther or not you can afford it either, cheeky so and so !

Is it the next international Scout Jamboree? That's in Japan.

If DS really wants to go then he should fundraise himself for part of it. Have badges made to sell (www.bestbadges.co.uk and ask for Richard) or do lots of sponsored events, car washes, etc. People are surprisingly willing to part with a £1 or 2 for a young person to have an amazing experience if that yp is seen to be willing to work for it.

But you are right that no leader should presume that you can afford to just fork out the cash. My Brownies fundraised hard for a year to take them all on an adventure pack holiday.

I would tell him straight, rather than harassing me to do more work, how about you do more work, ie external fund raising etc, not harassing parents to get funding to help pay for trips. If it's not a lot of money for him, then maybe he could even start paying for everyone to go.

I think it's cheeky too momb. I wouldn't mind, but it's only for 3 nights in France. It's a martial arts club and as I said before, DS isn't all that enthusiastic. I'm already paying £500 for a trip to Berlin, and that's out of a sense of obligation and duty, as I feel it's the 'right' thing for a parent to do. Also that I 'should' be providing these 'opportunities' for DS.

To be honest, DS doesn't want go on the one I've booked and is already bitching about it. I've booked it because everyone I know (friends and family) sends their DC to clubs and trips and they are all when people don't do these things.

If DS goes to Japan, he will be training 10 hours a day with hardcore martial artists. It would make him or break him in all honesty. I can he why his instructor thinks it's beneficial, but DS would either love it, or hate me forever. DP would also be furious if I spent more money on these trips. He's already cross about me paying for the first one.

To be honest, I think your DS is of an age now where he can say what he does/doesn't want to be doing. It seems very silly to me that you are causing friction in your relationship with your partner and stretching yourself very thin financially for something that he doesn't actually enjoy or want to do in the name of keeping up with the Joneses.

I also think the club leader sounds very very rude suggesting you 'work more.'

You are probably right Teeb. My main worry is that DS just wants to spend time on his computer and Xbox. This activity is the one thing I've found that is semi-interesting for him since we moved. People's DC's all do extra curricular activities round here. I worry that he's missing out on life skills somehow if he doesn't do anything.

Also, I think he was very rude too.

Yanbu, we couldn't fork that out even if we wanted to.