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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ignore social services and think of my child's safety??

41 replies

Hhnsam · 11/02/2013 14:49

I have social services involved in my life due to a past partner, they interfere in every aspect of my life and recently I've moved my 3 year old to a bed.. It's seems late by my son is a slow learner, since being in a bed he has being leaving his bedroom early morning and the other day I heard a noise at 6am (I live in a flat) to find my son had left his bedroom and injured his finger in my hamster cage by sticking his finger in and being bitten, other cases ive caught him before anything dangerous has happened... Im worried one day he may enter my living room or kitchen ect and I've told social services I'm going to put a door gate on his bedroom to prevent and danger in the future as I can barely sleep worrying what he might do, they have told me door gates after the age of two are dangerous and I can't? Do I ignore them and fit one anyway or any suggestions?

OP posts:

SchroSawMargeryDaw · 11/02/2013 14:51

A door gate would be dangerous as he could climb it and fall off and hurt himself.

You should try making your house safe for your DS, move anything dangerous out of reach, get cupboard locks etc.

SunflowersSmile · 11/02/2013 14:52

Could you put stair gate on kitchen or living room door?
I have a 3 year old and have gate on part of hall way to prevent in the night falling down the stairs.

givemeaclue · 11/02/2013 14:54

child proof the house , put hamster up high etc,
Put bolts on living room and kitchen doors where he can't reach them. So he basically can only access your room and his

TheRobberBride · 11/02/2013 14:55

The main reason they advise against baby gates (which is what I assume you mean?) after about 2.5 is because by then the child is usually big enough to climb over them making the ineffective. My 3 year old DD has certainly been able to climb over them for some time. Could you not put a lock on your living room door instead so he can't get in if he goes walkabout at night? Or else do some serious toddler-proofing? SS are not out to get you, they are simply pointing out that door gates wouldn't solve your problem.

MrsMushroom · 11/02/2013 14:56

Agree...locks on doors and cabinets and cages out of reach.

Shelby2010 · 11/02/2013 14:56

I would ask them why they consider them dangerous - I can't see any danger other than the child trying to climb over them?

And thinking about it my DD is 2.3 yrs and no way will I be taking down the stairgates for a long while!

TheRobberBride · 11/02/2013 14:56

So yes YABU because door gates WILL NOT solve your problem here. All they will do is lull you into a false sense of security.

SunflowersSmile · 11/02/2013 14:59

My stairgate gives me warning my child is up in the night as he shrieks for someone to open it!
I would make sure cupboard under sink etc has lock on but I am not keen on bolts on doors.

Original poster

Hhnsam · 11/02/2013 14:59

Hi well my flat is cramped and I see a lot of dangerous if my ds was left to run loose ie my telly and heavy ornaments ect the bolts on other doors is something I haven't thought of but I'd be worried by SS reaction to me putting locks on my doors, I have complete confidence ds would not try climbing gate and if he is he would be unable to do so and if he did at least I would hear it before anything completely dangerous happened, my argument to SS was well what I'd I had stairs? What's more dangerous, ds falling down them or hurting himself on hate and they couldn't answer

OP posts:

Parsnipcake · 11/02/2013 15:01

Put winschimes in his door as you will hear him come out of his room. I also out latches high on the downstairs doors so they can't be opened without me. If he gets up early and isn't safe, you do need to get up too.

Birdsgottafly · 11/02/2013 15:02

"I would ask them why they consider them dangerous - I can't see any danger other than the child trying to climb over them"

That is the danger, SS have the upto date figures on how many children, over 3, go through A&E after trying to climb over safety gates.

You would not be putting your child's saftey first,if you fitted one.

If you are suggesting that your DS may have some LD's then you have to child proof your house and set your routine as though you still have a toddler.

You have to make a list of possible dangers (taking into account your child/height/ability) and then how you can eliminate them.

If budget is a ploblem, then SS or a Children's Centre will be able to help with appropriate safety equipment/advise.

I speak as a SW and a mum of two children with LD's.

MortifiedAdams · 11/02/2013 15:03

If you do put a gate on his doorway remember to put a potty in his room for nifht time wees!

Birdsgottafly · 11/02/2013 15:04

If your child is a "fiddler" then you cannot have heavy ornaments.

I agree with wind chimes, or there are door alarms that parents and carers use for adults.

Birdsgottafly · 11/02/2013 15:05

If you are struggling then do you attend a CC or Surestart?

The family workers usually have really good suggestions for keeping your child safe indoors and out.

givemeaclue · 11/02/2013 15:06

You don't put the lock on his bedroom door, you put in on the living room and kitchen doors so he can't get in there. Why would ss object to that? Then he can't get to the heavy tv and ornaments.

Original poster

Hhnsam · 11/02/2013 15:11

The door bolts on kitchen living room door seem the most sensible idea and I can't believe that thought didn't cross my mind, also windchime sounds like a good idea also, but what do people do if they have stairs?

OP posts:

Tryharder · 11/02/2013 15:11

We have stair gates upstairs, primarily, I suppose to stop DD (aged 2) wandering around at night. Thinking about it, it's probably more the case that DH can't be arsed to dismantle them.

I think you can take steps to ensure that your DC cannot access matches, heat sources, sharp knives and medicines.

But a toddler putting it's finger in a hamster cage and getting bitten? I think that it is a life lesson, personally, not to put your fingers into cages! You sound very, very nervous about this.

TheRobberBride · 11/02/2013 15:13

I would hear it before anything completely dangerous happened, my argument to SS was well what I'd I had stairs? What's more dangerous, ds falling down them or hurting himself on hate and they couldn't answer

Why would you hear anything? A child climbing over a stair gate isn't noisy at all. My DD can do it easily and very quietly. And in the stairs senario you describe, once he figures out how to climb over the baby gate, there is nothing to stop him falling down the stairs.

I can't see why SS would object to locks on your living room/kitchen doors. You aren't locking him in anywhere and are, in fact, ensuring his safety.

montage · 11/02/2013 15:13

I don't think SS would object to you having a bolt high up on the living room/kitchen doors so it stops your child getting in to them at night.

If the TV and heavy ornaments are a danger though, then I would put the heavy ornaments away until he's older and get the TV bracketed or strapped to the wall. It would be better to make the flat as safe as possible anyway for when he is playing during the day.

WhoeverHeardOfAWormskinRug · 11/02/2013 15:15

Just out of curiosity regarding no stair gates after age 2.5 - what if you have multiple children of different ages?

I have an enormous one, almost double height to stop DS2 going into the kitchen and he's 6 (and autistic, hence the kitchen being a big danger) but I also have standard size ones elsewhere as I have 20 month old DD to consider...

ErikNorseman · 11/02/2013 15:16

Get rid of heavy ornaments
Screw telly to the wall
Put hamster on a high cupboard
Get rid of useless clutter
Put wind chimes or a door alarm on your ds's door and get up as soon as he opens his door

TheRobberBride · 11/02/2013 15:17

Also, if you're worried about the TV, you can tether it to the wall. That's what we do with ours. Ornaments can easily be moved to a higher shelf or put away until he's older.

HDee · 11/02/2013 15:23

I'd just put the stair gate across his room. If he falls trying to climb over it, then he's unlikely to seriously hurt himself, and it might put him off trying to climb it again. And at least you'd hear him.

MummytoMog · 11/02/2013 16:08

Really? No stairgates after two? My three year old would NEVER try to climb a stair gate and I frequently remove her from the top of the eight foot tall cat scratching post.

Lots of sensible suggestions here for childproofing the house (I particularly like the tethering the tv idea and will do this ASAP), but is there any way to stop him being able to open his bedroom door? My house has those high up door handles, which my DD can't reach and so she cannot come out of her room until she is let out. Can you turn the door handle the other way up so he can't open it? We did that with my littlest brother.

Startail · 11/02/2013 16:17

We had bolts at the top edge if upstairs doors because DD would sneak into the bathroom or the spare room and fiddle.

She knew better than to climb the stair gate as it was a huge drop.

If she couldn't get up to mischief she'd wake us.

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