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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Smoking in yr own house ....

20 replies

kennyp · 11/02/2013 14:29

Realise i am being unreasinable l... But to cut long story short .... Friend smokes 20 a day or so at home. Windows not open, stinks of smoke, walls in kitchen brown with tar (like a pub in the "old" days ... Ie the 90s etc). Kids friends with her kids and i like her,
But aibu to dodge invites from her to her house and ask her to come here? Smell of smoke is rancid (and i am an ex smoker but had no idea i hated the smell so much).

Came back from hers recently and stank of smoke, had to wash all my clothes. Kids stank. Utterly vile.

Ay ideas???!?!?! If she was a shite cook or had awful BO for example Then thats not a biggy, but stinking of smoke is horrible imo, thanks.

OP posts:

Buzzardbird · 11/02/2013 14:32

I would be honest. I also would not go there to tell her.

babiesinslingsgetcoveredinfood · 11/02/2013 14:36

YANBU I wouldn't go.

hellsbellsmelons · 11/02/2013 14:37

Oh no. Blimey I don't have kids in my house. I smoke a couple a day and would never ever smoke in my house!
It is just horrible.
Maybe print off some info regarding the effects of this on her kids.
I think I'd tell her why I didn't want to go round.

TraineeBabyCatcher · 11/02/2013 14:39

I have a friend whom I love dearly but is just the day, she's smokes in the house and I do my best to avoid going to her house, if I do I try to go without ds because whilst I don't mind/can put up with half a day spent in her house occasionally I don't want to inflict it on ds.

So YANBU!

LeaveTheBastid · 11/02/2013 14:41

Just be honest. Tell her since quitting smoking you've realised how horrible you think the smell of stale smoke is and it isn't nice for you to spend time there and then come home stinking of it. Also not good at all for your children to be there if its so bad that tar is on the walls

KellyElly · 11/02/2013 14:42

Yuk, I smoke but have never smoked in my house. It stinks and YANBU.

foxache · 11/02/2013 14:42

Yanbu to stay away. She's probably stopped noticing the smell.

Try to let her know, if you can think of a tactful way to tell her.

tinygreendragon · 11/02/2013 14:43

You're not being unreasonable for not wanting to be at her house if it's in that condition.

I'm a smoker but I am very aware of the lingering smells and how offensive it can be to non smokers and also to myself if I continue to smoke in the house. Daily airing of the house, regular washing of the curtains, carpets and linens and a sugar soap of the walls every now and again. A small price to pay IMO if I want to smoke indoors and make guests feel welcome in my home.

exoticfruits · 11/02/2013 14:43

I wouldn't visit her. It would mean stripping off all clothes when I got home and putting them straight in the washing machine and having a shower and washing my hair.

foxache · 11/02/2013 14:45

Btw, ds is away so I've been indoor smoking all weekend. Am usually sensitive to the smell drifting in from outside, now I've stopped smelling it at all I have 24 hours to fumigate.

glossyflower · 11/02/2013 14:47

I would tell her in a tactful way. She doesn't realise how bad it is because she's immune to it now. Maybe by you telling her will make her realise.
That said a work colleague of mine smokes, we wear uniforms so she doesn't smell too bad but on office or training days she comes in her own clothes and she really stinks. What's worse is that she kind of knows this because she tries to disguise it with spray and chewing gum.
Plenty of people have told her, much to her offence but it still hasn't stopped her stinking.

Original poster

kennyp · 11/02/2013 14:48

Thanks all .... So if/when she next asks would it be okay to say "smell of smoke, blah blah, do you mind coming here?" The fact that i had to put everything in the wash was a biggy.

Thank god no more smoking in pubs. Had no idea how rancid the lingering and disgusting the smell is.

OP posts:

glossyflower · 11/02/2013 14:50

Also to add tinygreendragon has a sensible approach in ensuring she airs the house, cleans regularly to make guests feel welcome.
Similarly I have two large dogs who I am conscious they might smell bad to other people so I am constantly scrubbing the floors, walls, and washing their bedding regularly. I would hate people to think my house stinks too much of smelly dogs!

aldiwhore · 11/02/2013 14:54

YANBU.

BUT, if she's a good friend, you don't have to be brutal. You could say that as an ex-smoker you find it very difficult to be in her home but you respect it's her home and her choice, though you can't visit there. Liken it to being an ex-alcoholic who's friend owns a pub. You can mention the smell lingers and you struggle with it. (Which you do, not because you'll start smoking again but because it's gopping).

She will probably be upset, and tbh if she has children it is very unfair on them... I'm a smoker, I don't smoke in the house ever. Blurgh.

LittlePinkMouse · 11/02/2013 14:54

I have this probalem but worse as its my elderly nana.

I feel awful not going often and she always wants me to bring the kids but her house is dripping with nicotine and you literally walk into a puff of smoke when you open the door.

2 kids have asthma too so I really dont like taking them but I feel like a bitch.

foxache · 11/02/2013 14:54

Funny how we all used to be used to the smell though isn't it? I'm also so relieved about the smoking ban, it just became a regular thing to have to wash your entire outfit after a night out, now not so necessary.

Narked · 11/02/2013 14:55

Her poor DC.

Jins · 11/02/2013 15:02

I'd really not recommend printing off information on how dangerous it is unless you don't want to be friends any more

It would solve the problem though

CatsRule · 11/02/2013 15:56

I think smokers genuinely don't realise just how bad it is for non smokers.

My pil think I'm the biggest bitch ever because we (yes dh and I but I'm the bitch!) don't take our 11 month old ds to their house. It is awful...lovely house...but you can barely see through the smoke it is that bad but I genuinely don't think they see the problem.

It doesn't help that I'm asthmatic and it affects me badly and I'm also concerned for my ds's health and will do anything to prevent him suffering the condition I do. That aside though, passive smoking is not good for anyone, nevermind a child.

They don't smoke in my house but do in theirs (fair enough it is their house) and in their car...when they come into my house most of the house (very open plan) is stinking of smoke. They don't even realise their skin, hair and clothes smell so rancid.

I don't just mean my pil, I mean all smokers, even some people I work with I find it difficult to stand next to them without needing to reach for my inhailer...they smell so strongly of smoke.

Dahlen · 11/02/2013 16:00

I have a friend who smokes. She comes to my house more than I go to hers for this reason. However, I like her enough to make the effort regularly as it's just a small downside to her friendship that I consider well worth putting up with. However, I do inwardly moan when I come back home and have to put everything in the wash.

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