to be horrified that my husband has secretly been looking at porn?

[chainedtothedesk]

As title really. Have just discovered on the popular sites visited is a porn site. I thought it must have been a mistake but when I looked at our history log the same porn site comes up a few times over the last 3 weeks (can't go back any further than that).

There are two things that shock me - firstl thaty he is looking at porn online. I had no idea!! I know a lot of men probably do do this but I didn't know HE did. I am shocked and - yes horrified.

Secondly, he has done several times and not even mentioned it. I feel so sad that we have secrets. I thought I knew everything about him. Had I known I would probably have said I didn't like it (which is why he hasn't told me presumably) but I wouldn't have made him stop just because I didn't like it.

I am upset and shocked. I am also angry that he is clearly sneaking around and looking at porn when i'm not around. Am I being unreasonable?

I look at porn sometimes by myself. I would never lie if DH asked but I don't say "By the way dear I watched a bit of girl on girl action today" or whatever. I love DH, we have a good relationship, we have sex several times a week (without using porn). I don't see it as a big deal unless:-

a) You are fundamentally opposed to porn itself
b) He covers it up and lies (you can only tell if you ask - although to be fair lying out of embarrassment is a possibility)
c) He uses porn instead of having a sexual relationship with you (I would only ever watch porn if DH was away).

I don't actually think DH uses it but I wouldn't be bothered if he did and told me.

It did not used to bother me one jot that my DH looked - but then we had kids ... now they are old enough to be on the laptop so I remind him to clear out his web history from time to time.

We also had a bit of a talk... asked him how he would feel in 5 years time if he was looking at a site and it was his daughters.... after all they are all somebody's ........... made him blanch a bit - but I know he still looks sometimes... hey ho.... not the end of the world.

Why all the people shocked he isn't deleting internet history? Maybe he isn't ashamed of it?

chained it was a genuine question...because you're not saying WHY you're angry, it's hard to advise. Not getting at you!

He hasn't done it in secret in secret would be deleting his history, the fact that he has done it on a shared computer more than once and not deleted history means it is most definitely not done secretly.

I know DH looks at porn sometimes, does he tell me? No. Do I want him to? No. It's his business. I bloody hate the idea that couples can no longer hold anything private without it becoming a huge relationship threatening betrayal.

If he told you, you'd be upset. He hasn't told you, you're upset. What is the man to do? Do you want him to tell you each time he has a look? Would that really make you feel better?

He isn't deleting his history but he should be, not for my sake but so our kids don't accidently stumble across it.

And yes, I do think he should have mentioned it. I don't know when but at some point. If we start to say that there isn't a good time to discuss topics that might be difficult surely all we'd talk about would be safe topics like the weather or whats for tea!?

Personally I do not like porn or the porn industry so I would not be happy about it, and my partner knows it. Luckily for both of us we're on the same wavelength on this topic, so it isn't an issue for us.

If you're genuinely not bothered, besides the feeling lied to aspect, then tell him that.

Trouble with google chrome is he might look at it on a different computer even, but it will come up on 'most visited'. You don't have to be snooping, you just click 'new tab' and it comes up.

In this situation I really wouldn't be shocked or upset about 'ordinary' porn but I'd be fucking livid that a 5YO might have stumbled on it. Tell him to sort his settings, PRONTO!

A lot of women are upset by porn. I can see why.But IMHO it's unrealistic not to think that a man would look at it. I'd just assume that they would. I don't text DH to inform him every time I'm thinking about having a wank he'd like it if I did and I wouldn't think that he would need to tell me when he was.

aye tbh he is going to look at porn, if he doesnt surf at home on the web he will have mags in his car, or on his phone.

Nagoo. That's exactly how I found it - under new tab, not in the list under history. Which is why I think it would be really, really easy for 5yo to find it.

Thank you for all your replies. I have been upset by this and from reading your replies I do accept that I shouldn't really be shocked. He is a grown man after all. But I am pleased to see that some of you would also be horrified and I am not the only one.

No, I agree with you about the history thing. If your DC are using the laptop. Can't imagine having to explain to a young child what they witnessed, and why. Nightmare.

Show him private mode fgs!!

Someone had been looking at porn on my laptop according to the history. It had recently been used by me, DH and my teenage brother who had been babysitting. I wondered about it for 2 minutes and then set the thing to delete internet history automatically when internet explorer is shut down.

Works for me.

OP, you can go into chrome settings and change it so the internet history is not saved, and also you can change it on to strict search settings. It's not worth the risk that a DC could see it, so I'd do it myself rather than let DH do it.

YANBU to be angry that he let it show up on his google chrome home page. Had similar recently when totally clueless XH accidentally saved a porn site to his favourites on his (not mine) laptop. So the link was along the top next to the cbeebies link that I had saved for DS! I bollocked him for being stupid and careless which was fair enough. However if you are most upset that he didn't tell you about it - YABU. He's entitled to some privacy in his wanking preferences!