To be frustrated at DH and DIY

[brummiegirl1]

We have been in our house for 3 years and i have no wallpaper in my hall stairs and landing. Everytime i bring it up he says he will get on to it, i even said i'm going to do it myself which will be difficult with my toddler around and young baby but i think i'm going to have a go. He is not experienced at DIY but said he is interested in it, i said to him it's good practice to have a go in our house as it doesn't really matter if he gets it wrong.

We are also having interior doors fitted on Wednesday and the handyman charges by the hour so i have asked DH to take our old doors off first which he said "why can't the handyman do it?" Am IBU to want to cut costs and try and do the things that we are able to do ourselves and the handyman just fits the doors instead of wasting time and money taking old doors off first?

Is there something stopping you doing it? Give him the kids and get busy with the screwdriver.

He doesn't want to do it.

That's what it boils down too. He may have said that he'll do it, but I frequently say I'll do the ironing - I won't let DP pay someone else to do it, or try doing it himself, because it could all go wrong and I'll have to fix it - but I'm not keen, and I often wait until the last minute.

It'll come down to that he doesn't want to do it, which sounds likely, or that he doesn't have enough time. Either way, if you want it done, give it a go yourself or pay someone else to do it.

It might not be unreasonable to try and cut costs, but if you can afford to do it and want it done, pay someone else to do it. It'll save the stress, arguments and time.

It WILL be difficult with a toddler and a baby, but not impossible, hopefully if your DH sees the effort you're putting in (and MILK it for all it's worth) he may at least help out. It's obviously not bothering him as much as it is you so don't turn into a nag.

I have a lovely DH who has the ability to see past aesthetic horrors (a lovely attribute to have actually, he still thinks I'm gorgeous!! lol) but I can't live happily with something that needs to be done.

Now I do these jobs, he helps once I've started... I bought a load of paper suits when I did my kitchen... newspaper on the floor, my then toddler enjoyed 'helping' and my then baby had nothing more than a few splodges on him that washed off. If you're organised and prep well, there's no reason why you can't do it. Though I appreciate that the thought of it makes it seem impossible x

Because these doors are really heavy and i cant lift them i took one off before upstairs and couldn't move it as they are the old original doors, also regarding the wallpapering, i papered the childrens room and he said he wanted to do the hall stairs and landing.

Thanks for the other suggestions, i have bought all the paper so will have a go although i'm not very confident with the big drops. Everytime i say anything to DH he says "to be patient" which i think i have been after no paper for 3 years!

I'd just get on with the wallpapering. Your DH has had quite long enough to do the job and clearly isn't going to get on with it any time soon. Could you paint the walls though? A lot easier than wallpaper.

As for the doors, if they are heavy, leave it to the carpenter. It won't take any time to him to take them off.

I sympathise though. DP is a depressing combination of being awful at DIY and a fearful procrastinator. Some while back I accepted that if we weren't going to exist in collapsing chaos, it'd be necessary to do the jobs I can do myself and get someone in to do the ones I can't. A situation he's accepted despite it costing us more than necessary on occasions.

Pandemoniaa- my DH sounds like yours, i can't paint the walls as they are not good enough and couldn't afford to have it all replastered but the paper will hide all bumps!

Just do it yourself, why does he have to do it?

Completely OT, but WHY are you getting rid of the old original doors??!! FGS don't let the joiner 'take them off your hands' - they're often worth a fair bit!

I do sympathise, but YABU in assuming that he has to do it - why does he have to do it? Can't you do it? I don't know your working situation - is there time available where he can have the children and you can get on with it if you want it done so much?

I do ALL DIY in my house unless its stuff I really can't handle (toilets, boilers etc) This includes heavy stuff (like removing interior doors and the shower screen) I wallpaper, I paint, I build all flatpacks, I do minor car maintenance, I plumbed in the washing machine, I put up all shelving etc, and I organise and design if necesary all jobs I cannot do myself (locksmith, new garden etc etc) the list is endless.

I dont do this because I WANT to do this - if I had a DH who was able to do this things or could do them without killing anyone that would be fantastic. But I've known him long enough to know it aint gonna happen. His motto is 'why do today what you can do tomorrow' and tomorrow never comes.

For what it's worth, I know my limitations. I cannot wallpaper nicely. I can chuck up backing paper and paint the stuff though, so that's what I do... could you just paint it?

I found the phrase 'I'm getting a man in to price up the wallpapering/decorating/gardening (only when v. pregnant) job' used to work wonders .

Go on, set the challenge.

I find if I start a job my DH will feel so guilty seeing me do it that he will reluctantly take over! I go the house wallpapered by starting to remove the old wallpaper myself and then he couldn't bare the mess so he did it all!

You seem to have three choices:

He does it - you may have to wait another 3 years.

You do it - get him to look after the children.

Pay someone to do it for you.

Some people, men included, just hate diy and you may be married to one of those. I've been hanging wallpaper since my mid teens and it's my most favourite part of decorating. I do most of the painting in our house because I'm at home more and have the time. To be fair my husband can turn his hand to pretty much anything including plumbing and electrics and I love that. The only problem is that he won't pay anyone to do anything that he can do himself, so sometimes jobs have to wait.

I think someone else mentioned the doors and I agree that keeping them might be a good idea. Depends if they are "character" or plain ugly I suppose. If you do get rid of them I would be very annoyed if your husband couldn't manage that. Can't be more than 5 - 10 minutes a door surely. That seems a bit lazy. I've recently removed 3 of our doors for decorating. They are solid wood and weigh an absolute ton, but I was far too impatient to wait for husband to come home and do it.

I have only one question, why are you getting rid of old original doors, they sound too nice to get rid of?

get a tradesman who gives you a "price" for complete job, also,ensure everything is in writing ,thats everything! inc.removal of all thats left over/rubbish,agree re doors ,if they are oversized ?people do pay good money for some"old"stuff, i"d send my bloke round if you were not so many miles away(sorry ,! send him round to view doors!)

Don't underestimate how tricky papering or painting a stairwell drop is. I stripped then painted mine about 7 years ago and for that I needed two sets of ladders and a plank. It was redone last summer by a man-who-can. I couldn't face the hassle/wobbling a second time. It took me over a week the first time. The bloke took 2.5 days to do hall/landing/stairs. Twas well worth the money.

I did see a program once on how a man can be trained to do things using the same techniques as dog training.

They started the program with the woman asking the man to do something via secret cam and procrastinating, then finished with him doing it.

Start small, a kiss, cuddle and make some sort of noise - for a dog it would be a clicker. You can use a clicker.

Get him used to being praised and the sound at the same time.

Be very positive about small things you ask him to do - very small things like taking his cup to the kitchen, really praise him, cuddle, kiss and sound.

Build up to larger things.

Get out of the nagging cycle.

Or - just do it yourself.

My DP can't do DIY.

Luckily I'm a dab hand at it and mostly enjoy doing it.

Maybe he just doesn't know how to do these things and is too embarrassed to say?

You could take the doors off; shouldn't take long. 10 minutes a door, maybe?

:)

Tell him he's taking the DC out so you can do it.

The end.