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AIBU?

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Original poster

MIL always asking me if I have sorted the kids out for school

79 replies

bengal38 · 10/02/2013 22:38

My son is 12 and my daughter is 9. Every night my MIL phones to ask if I have sorted them out for school. I ask her why and she says just asking.

OP posts:
MerylStrop · 10/02/2013 22:51

She's just trying to connect with you
It is not a criticism
I expect she is a lonely person trying to find some common ground
No need to be upset
(though I can understand why you would find it irritating)

stealthsquiggle · 10/02/2013 22:51

That is what answering machines are for.

Must get a new one Grin

olgaga · 10/02/2013 22:52

Can't you just set your phone to ring a couple of times then go straight over to answerphone?

When you do finally speak to her, after about 10 days, just say "Sorry I didn't get back to you, I've been so busy getting the kids ready for school".

MrsMushroom · 10/02/2013 22:53

My Mum does it and I know it's because my standards are not as high as hers. I don't polish shoes daily...sometimes I just wipe them and shock, horror I hardly EVERY iron things. Just hang them up out of the dryer.

I work from home...I'm busy....I'm not multiple armed!

almostanotherday · 10/02/2013 22:53

Snice Grin

BoysAreLikeDogs · 10/02/2013 22:54

hang on

the kids are 12 and 9, so MIL has been ringing nightly since the oldest started reception? You poor thing, this is YEARS of double checking on you.

McNewPants2013 · 10/02/2013 22:55

I would say no I'm having a vodka and the kids can sort themselves out in the morning.

MyHeadWasInTheSandNowNot · 10/02/2013 23:00

Is she ringing to ask or is she asking when she rings? If she's ringing to ask just tell her to stop it, if she's asking when she rings maybe i's her way of finding out if you are 'free' to talk, but anyone ringing me every night would get short shrift unless it was totally necessary (ie elderly person who I wanted to check was OK on a daily basis). Don't get me wrong, if a friend is going through a bad patch or whatever they're free to ring anytime - day or night (and do!) as often and for as long as they like - but calls just for the sake of habit would drive me barmy!

Apileofballyhoo · 10/02/2013 23:01

What happens after you reply? Does she say 'right then, that's great, I'll phone you again tomorrow night to check'? Or do you go on to have a chat/she asks to speak to your DH?

snice · 10/02/2013 23:05

isnt it just the (rather dull) opening conversational gambit from someone who doesn't have much common ground with you other than the (grand)children?

IneedAsockamnesty · 10/02/2013 23:05

The only suitable answer to that question I under these circumstances is

"Nope I've decided not to send them tomorrow as my dealer is round tomorrow and there now old enough to start running his stash"

DoJo · 10/02/2013 23:10

Is it just her way of checking that you aren't in the middle of something? My mum always used to ask (pre baby) if we had eaten and now asks if the baby is in bed as an opening gambit, but it's just so she can ascertain how long might be appropriate for a phone call rather than because she doesn't think I'd eat/put him to bed without her reminding me.

IncrediblePhatTheInnkeepersCat · 10/02/2013 23:26

My mum still tries to tell me what to pack when I take my guides camping. I have to remind her that I wrote the fricking kit list!

What sort of tone of voice does she use when she asks?

valiumredhead · 11/02/2013 07:55

She's making conversation, just tell you have and save getting upset for something that matters.

ChaoticisasChaoticdoes · 11/02/2013 08:53

Tell her you were too busy shagging her son but you're going to do it right now. Then put the phone down Grin

freddiemercuryismine · 11/02/2013 08:55

Tell her that's your DP's job, you don't get them ready for school and hand the phone to him.

Yama · 11/02/2013 09:00

The phone rings every night? Think I'd have to disconnect the phone.

Pagwatch · 11/02/2013 09:04

Every time my mum phones me she says

'I have phoned at the wrong time haven't I. You are busy arn't you?'

So the first five minutes of every conversation is convincing her that actually it is fine and I can chat. It drives me batty. But it's a sort of nervous habit (although why I have no idea) so I don't take it personally.

Is it a checking up on you thing - is she judgy/hostile ? Or does she think she is acknowledging your attention to the children, as sort of sympathy/solidarity thing?
I think that would affect my reaction. Although I would have started answering with 'no. They were bloody annoying so I have killed them' by now.

Saski · 11/02/2013 09:08

That's madness.

My mother in law used to pack her own diaper bag when my kids were babies, which drove me mad. She would attempt to press a diaper into my hand whenever I had to change one, and I would say: you know, I have one right here in my own diaper bag. I felt totally undermined and it made me feel incredibly aggressive towards her.

Saski · 11/02/2013 09:10

Oops posted too soon. I would be incredibly pissed off at the implication that the only thing standing between your kids and a day of inadequate school prep is her!

socharlottet · 11/02/2013 09:11

have they got a history of going to school without the right stuff?

FruOla · 11/02/2013 09:14

If it's just an opening gambit, then it seems a bit harmless - albeit irritating.

But you could say to her "DH and I have decided to save ourselves the bother of getting them sorted out for school every night - we're sending them to boarding school". Grin

seeker · 11/02/2013 09:17

My FIL always used to start any phone conversation with "How's the car?"

No idea why- we just used to mouth it at each other and suppress giggles.

tak1ngchances · 11/02/2013 09:18

I think she is projecting her own anxieties onto you. My dad does this too and he has mild OCD

yaimee · 11/02/2013 09:21

Hmmm think maybe she just wants someone to talk to? Doesn't know what to say? Wants to feel involved.
On the other hand, my DM asks me every day if I've brushed my sons teeth Angry

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