To be fed up when people have an opinion on how many children you have or want

[brummiegirl1]

I have 2 young boys aged 2 and 7 months and would like 4 children if i'm lucky enough as i was an only child and knew i wanted a big family. Before i went off on maternity leave with my youngest a woman at work said are you done now and i said i would like more children in the future and she said im mad.

Other people have also asked the same thing. Is it me? I wouldn't dream commenting on how many children someone wants or has as it's up to them, when im asked now i feel all defensive about it and don't want to tell them like im a naughty teenager not a 33 year old married woman!

You care enough to have posted.

And what's with the tyres and heating comment?

Lovelyredwine, one of the best answers I heard for when people have a go at you and tell you that you should have more is to smile brightly and respond "No thanks- we were lucky enough to get it right the first time!"

But you can't force it, or you end up with terrible shit happening like it does in China. And since you can't force it, you just never know... As I said before, the Duggars (Jim Bob's parents) had the oh-so-socially acceptable 2 children. Their daughter has an only (I think), their son has 19 living. I know a family with seven children, only one of whom has chosen to have children. He has one.

Bloody rude, i get asked when im gonna have another, well since my first pregnancy was awful im not so keen.

I can tell you a horrid story, a headmaster said to a mum that her son was bullied coz she kept having kids, lets just say her kids werent at that school for much longer after that.

CheerfulYank - you can control it through taxes. As mentioned before, most people who have 4+ kids would not have them if they were charged an annual tax for any child beyond the second one, with tax increasing the more you have, e.g.:

DC1: n/a
DC2: n/a
DC3: £500 p.a.
DC4: £750 p.a.
DC5: £1,000 p.a.
DC6: £1,500 p.a.
DC7: £2,250 p.a.

I doubt a lot of people would choose to have 7 kids, if they cost them £6,000 to have each year on top of the usual expenses. Money is often the only way to make people wake up to the problem. In other parts of life, money is often the one and only thing that prevents people from having something they want (something nice in a shop window, for example). It just so happens that you can have a child for "free".

Even a pup costs more to have when compared to a child.

People will say that it's their human right to procreate. Well, if you really believe that, then you will just encourage this.

Completely agree with Tasmania - it's environmentally irresponsible to have more than 2 children. I would have loved a larger family (2 boys) but my husband is very pro environmental choices & living ethically and so we stuck at 2.

Having children isn't a human right.

Oh honestly you have to get to the point where you can ignore it! I have one child. I have had more MCs than I can count! I have had 3 "failed births" - as they call stillborn babies now. I just had to learnt to nod and smile and say, ah one is fine for me.

Oh and I agree with the socially irresponsible concept. I just wanted two.

(but perhaps my inability to keep the babies I make has made me cynical!)

Sorry about your losses Thyme.

None of my children will be "free" beyond public school Tasmaina, though I know what you mean. Although, I suppose, we do hope to adopt a child with Down Syndrome at some point and I think we'd receive Social Security for his/her care.

In answer to the OP, it depends. If they want anywhere between 0 and 3, then YABU. If they want 4 or 4+ then I reserve the right to judge a bit, or a lot, depending on their circumstances. If they want 6+ I am going to judge, regardless of their circumstances.

Sorry I meant YANBU, obviously.

DH and I want 5, Fell.

Come back and tell me that when you've got three.

:o Fair enough! I'm a bit spoiled in that DS is a generally cooperative little person. The currently gestating one may turn out to be ten sorts of hell and put us off for good.

Maybe when they go over the "limit" maybe they can be transported to OZ like in the olden days.

Lots of open space over here. Plenty of room for anyone who has 4 or more DC.

You'd be surprised .... looks around at three bed house with no garden over looking neighbors for 1500 pounds a month rent

I'm sure he/she will be delightful CY. Some people are cut out for 4 or more children - I'm just not one of them. I'm too lazy/disorganised/and yet strangely control-freaky.

"It just so happens that you can have a child for "free"."

Really? Where would this be then?

Cost of ralsing a child soars to£218,024

I agree juule . I get annoyed when people come on here asking advice about whether they should have a child right now, or another child on top of the ones they have, when they are in real financial dire straits, not in stable/adequate housing or whatever, and people say 'oh babies don't cost much - you don't loads of fancy stuff - all you need is love. You'll get though it. Go for it, you'll always regret it if you don't. Where there's a will there's a way '

They are idiots.

I'm not saying you should always wait until you are over 30, have thousands in savings, and own your own home - that would be unrealistic. But starting off in a shitty situation with three kids and expecting it not to get any more shitty by adding a fourth is just stupid.

^^I understand this was just an aside to your post, but I'm not sure why waiting til 30 with savings & house is unreasonable.

I'm amazed that there are people here who think that because there are exceptions to a correlation, that the correlation ceases to exist. Like, one of the Duggars is one of two children, so therefore, how many kids you have is completely unrelated to population growth.

Did your math classes ever cover basic statistics?

Why do you judge families of 6 and more FellatioNelson?

I just think it's excessive and unnecessary on all sorts of levels. Financially, practically, physically, logistically, environmentally, you name it. I am sure there are plenty of families with 5, 6 or more children who are very happy, never moan about a lack of anything, be it money or time or space, cope just fine, want for nothing, have no logistical problems moving them all from A to B, all the children grow up feeling that attention was equally and fairly divided etc, etc, but I dunno - I just think too many of anything is a bit self-indulgent and unnecessary, with the potential for too many problems.

I doubt that many children who come from very large families go on to want the same for themselves - unless it's religiously/culturally ingrained in them to not even question the inevitability of it.

The thing is, it's a bit pointless having this discussion with someone who has 6 or more children, because I if listed a load of reasons why it was imho a bad idea, obviously they are going to disagree with me, and say 'but this' and 'but that', and 'well that doesn't happen in my house'. Of course. Because everyone can find a way of justifying what they do.

Not meant to inflame, but I'd be interested to know how many of you with 4+ children used disposable nappies?

....as that would be a very drastic contribution to waste problems.