to think that the further you are from the world of work, the crazier being a working mum sounds?

[StripeyBear]

I did it for 3 years - motherhood and a (part-time, but) demanding job... when you were always running from pillar to post, and buying take-away pizza, and feeling guilty because your child was crying when you left, and always being tired and hassled and answering your blackberry on your days "off" and being f**ked off because your job wasn't half as interesting as the work you used to get when you were childless and in the office full-time-plus....

Almost 2 years of being a SAHM later, my working-mother-friends come round for coffee on their day off and moan about all of the above.. It sounds familiar, but now even their moaning exhausts me. I'm more in a swapping recipes for lemon-drizzle-cake and making my own pizza dough sort of head space. These days I just potter around - my whole life has slowed down.....

Don't get me wrong - I realise I'm fortunate that we can manage without the wage (and not everyone can), but I find I am barely worse off (once the childcare is taken into account, and it is so much easier to spend money wisely, now that I don't have to buy crappy pizza because I am too exhausted to cook or book my holiday at the last minute because I wasn't organised earlier). And life feels so much better now that I'm not always exhausted... and I actually have time to do interesting stuff like read (grown-up) books... and there is no stress around childcare and the like....

So when my friends come round and moan about their blackberries ringing and being side-lined for promotions and feeling stressed about organising a child's birthday party when they have no time to really do it and so on.... instead of feeling oodles of sympathy... all I can think is... WHY? WHY? Why are you doing it then?

AIBU? I sort of suspect I might be

[Spero]

Well jolly well done you. Just spare a thought for the many, many women who are not in such a favoured position.

[sunshine401]

So you work because you want to. Not because you have to?

[anotheryearolder]

Hannah I work 3 days a week - I dont call myself a SAHM

[SPBInDisguise]

That can't possibly be to me unless your fingers are smoking :o

[Chubfuddler]

Any more questions?

So many, but they'd get deleted.

[HannahsSister40]

Lol, I'm drowning in hypocrisy, double standards and irony!

[HelenMumsnet]

Evening all. We'd just like to say we're nodding approvingly at the general PARD on this thread (and we're loving TUBE).

But, acronyms aside, there is some "ahem-ing" we need to do at the personal attacks on here. Please do remember personal attacks are against site rules; feel free to attack the post (rather than the poster) instead, though.

Also wanted to give a 5* star rating to Pagwatch's post below. It kinda sums up where we stand over in MNHQ, too...

@Pagwatch

Ashoething

Fwiw i think the bash and counter bash about sahm/wohm seems to produce posts of jaw dropping thickness, sometimes from even normal sensible posters.

Most people arn't boring or twee or selfish or brilliant or funny or dull - especially dull - because of how they spend their day.

My friends are a pretty even split between sahms and WOHMs. They are great and pretty similar in the things that matter - funny, responsible, interesting, kind, smart.

I don't understand the animosity and I don't understand the trotting out of clichés which, if men used them about women, we would think they were utter arseholes.

[Spero]

I am not sure who you are accusing of drowning you in hypocrisy and double standards, unless you are getting confused between that and the truth.

[Dereksmalls]

Can't be bothered wading through 15 pages but I'll a FT WOHM and the life the OPs describes is nothing like mine. DH and I share all the work, I cook far more now than I ever have before, see the kids loads. My life works for me and I feel very lucky. If anyone wants to sound off to me, I'm ready to listen because that's the least I can do to help.

[sunshine401]

Yes I do think you actually do not know what you mean yourself. This has been a long non thread. :( I thought you were being serious at first but clearly not.

[Pagwatch]

[SPBInDisguise]

You are wise Paggy. I sometimes find it difficult to believe you're a sahm

[SPBInDisguise]

What on earth is pard and tube anyway
Dwta
(Down with the acronyms)

[earlierintheweek]

I am sorry Olivia. I feel like I've been told off. I've never been deleted before

[anotheryearolder]

Not sure why you think you are drowning in hypocrisy,double standards and irony ??

Is it because I only work 3 days a week - umm as a midwife that equates to 37.5 hours = fulltime

[Dereksmalls]

Actually, the other reason I haven't read it is because it's bound to have descended into a pointless bun fight, the like of which I never observe before SAHMs and WOHMs in RL. I just felt the need to say that WOH doesn't have to follow the pattern the OP describes and therefore doesn't have to be so "crazy"

[HelenMumsnet]

@SPBInDisguise

You are wise Paggy. I sometimes find it difficult to believe you're a sahm

Norty.

[HannahsSister40]

not engaging. It's like being 14 again surrounded by a load of angry girls repeating the same crap ad Infinitum without actually listening. The number of times I've been deliberately misinterpreted on this thread is depressingly predictable l.

[Spero]

Bye Hannah. Sorry you feel that way but at an utter loss to understand why.

[SPBInDisguise]

Hannah just for the record all I meant by my latest comment was you'd posted ten secs after me but it looked as though you'd replied to me, which is pretty impossible. I wasn't being nasty. Too stuffed to be nasty

[anotheryearolder]

I truly dont understand what you mean by your hypocrisy,irony and double standards post hannah*

Flounce if you must or maybe explain what you mean ???

[Samnella]

Yabu but you have probably gathered that by now

I know what you mean about the difficulties in balancing everything and wondering if its worthwhile. But its too complex to have a one size fits all approach. I don't need to work in the financial sense but I do because;1. I hated being a SAHM and the imbalance it created in my relationship.2. I like my job. 3. I want to be financially independent. 4. I don't find the play dough head space is for me. I just end up sitting in a corner rocking and shouting at my children believe me it ain't pretty. 5. I want a pension. 6. I want DD to associate women with going to work and therefore wanting to aspire to more than being at home. But these are all personal opinions. They are not by any means right for all. I could just as easily have said I want to be at home and given valid but opposing opinions.

I have been a WOHM and SAHM and there are compromises on both sides. Funnily enough I have been talking to DH tonight and we acknowledge that both of us working has some detrimental effect on our children. DD (yr 2) is definitely not doing so well at school right now and I would be foolish to think the 3 days where she is in school from 7.45 to 6 don't have some role. DS is way behind in reception as I cannot spend as much time as I would like with him. Equally, I am happier than I ever was as a SAHM and I am not going to compromise that just so my children do slightly better at school. A better answer would be to find a work around solution where we can spend more time with the DCs on school work or we can reduce the length of their days in some way . My own feelings are they will reach their own level at some point anyway.

[Pagwatch]

I know SPB. Sometimes I just have to fucking bake to make it all seem real.