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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU or is this is bit rude?

24 replies

Pontouf · 09/02/2013 12:27

Ok so I'm afraid this is sort of a babysitting thread and I realise my mate is doing me a favour but I'm still mildly irritated.

I am planning to go out this afternoon/evening with some old uni mates. We try to get together around 3 or 4 times a year but we all live in different cities and now that most of us have children getting everyone together can be tricky.

I am supposed to be meeting my friends at 4. My best friend (and DS's Godfather) is coming to babysit for me. DH is going to join us all later in town once he finishes work. I suggested to my friend that he came round for lunch and then we could spend some time together the three of us before I had to go out. This was partly just to spend some time with my mate and partly so that DS can get used to DF before I had to leave (they get on really well but only see each other once a month or so and sometimes this is a bit long for DS as he is only 2.)

So when I first suggested this a week or ao ago, DF replied to my text with "Sounds great, only possible flaw in that plan is if I sleep in too late to get to yours for lunch, but either way I'll be there as soon as I can". Now DF does live in the next city, about a 40 minute drive away but AIBU to think that 12pm is not especially early? And that if you think you might not be able to get there r that one then suggest a later time that suits better. OR er....just bloody get up! He is 31, isn't this old enough to stop behaving as though when you get up is out of your control?

Today I go a text at 11.35 saying "hey babe, I'm up, got some stuff to do but should be able to get to you for about 1.30 if that's ok?" he is supposed to be coming for lunch. With a 2 year old. DS will not be able to wait till 1.30 ish for his lunch - he usually eats around 12ish (hence the time for original suggestion!)

I do realise that this is a very minor problem but AIBU to think it is a bit rude to say you'll be at someone's house an hour and a half after you were supposed to be there because you slept in till half 11?! Especially as this was something you anticipated would happen?

OP posts:

earlierintheweek · 09/02/2013 12:29

He's doing you a favour. Feed DS when DS is hungry and keep some for him. He's single (I assume) he doesn't have kids he doesn't get why it matters.

Imnotaslimjim · 09/02/2013 12:29

But he warned you that he might not make for lunch. As much as he should have got up earlier, he did tell you it was a possibility. Surely you can feed ds and have yours with DF later?

earlierintheweek · 09/02/2013 12:29

He did warn you he might be later too, so on balance I think YABU.

Bilbobagginstummy · 09/02/2013 12:30

Not sure where your father comes into this - but it sounds like your friend never intended to come by midday.

How well do you know this friend? In my experience people like this are always like this.

YANBU for finding it annoying, but YABU to expect anything different.

Icelollycraving · 09/02/2013 12:31

Yabu. He is doing you a favour. It's not like he's saying he won't be there until 3/4. I wish I could still sleep in anyday. I assume he works & this is his day off?
Feed your 2 year old at the normal time.

thezebrawearspurple · 09/02/2013 12:31

You can't expect childless people to be up that early on a Saturday morning, most aren't, no matter what age they are. Feed your kid at his usual time and then you'll still have a couple of hours for the three of you. He's doing you a massive favour, so appreciate it.

BrianButterfield · 09/02/2013 12:32

It's a bit rude but 12 is really early for a childless person to have lunch on a Saturday! We often used to get up at 11 at weekends (those were the days!) whereas we've had our lunch already today. Single men have no idea when two-years-olds eat really - why would they?

WorraLiberty · 09/02/2013 12:33

YABU, it's the weekend for him too and he can sleep as long as he likes.

Perhaps he's not over keen on spending more time than he really has to at yours, because he does have other things he wants to do.

knackeredmother · 09/02/2013 12:35

Seriously? I would struggle to get there by 12 in those circumstances. Sometimes we struggle to make parties with the dc at 2pm!
If he is childless why on earth shouldn't he have a lie in?
YABU

BluelightsAndSirens · 09/02/2013 12:35

He doesn't get it because he is single and only responsible for himself. Be grateful he is helping out at all!

KobayashiMaru · 09/02/2013 12:36

He's babysitting for you, arriving hours early to suit you, and you are complaining he's not there to eat at your ridiculously early hour? Cop yourself on! Talk about taking the piss out of someone doing you a large favour.

BabyRoger · 09/02/2013 12:37

Yabu. He's doing you a favour. Just give ds his lunch when he's hungry.

I think you should just be grateful you've got a friend who's willing to drive 40 mins to come and look after your ds. seems unreasonable to me to be pissed off at him.for not getting.up.early and sticking to your exact time scale. He did say he might not make lunch.

ZillionChocolate · 09/02/2013 12:38

Yabu. Be nice when he arrives!

Original poster

Pontouf · 09/02/2013 12:38

Ok, fair enough. IABU. He is doing me a massive favour and I am grateful to him. I suppose it's just been so long since I was single and didn't have to get up/think of anyone else that I've forgotten what it's like. He does work very hard and is totally entitled to a lie in.

Bilbo DF can be DFriend as well as DFather I believe. I know him very well. He's been my best mate since we were 13. I suppose I just think it's a bit of a studenty/childish way to behave and we are now in our thirties. He is gay and doesn't plan to have children so has always been very keen to play an active role in the lives of mine. Maybe I'm just a bit jealous that my days of just lying in bed till midday and having no responsibilities are long gone!

OP posts:

apachepony · 09/02/2013 12:40

12 for me on a Saturday before ds ie a month ago was breakfast not lunchtime

WireCatWhore · 09/02/2013 12:41

Yabu.

Schmoozer · 09/02/2013 12:42

Just to add, although i see you get it, yabu.
He sounds like a great mate, dont be too entitled !

Bilbobagginstummy · 09/02/2013 12:44

DF is possibly best avoided: friend, father, fiancé(e)... endless possibility for confusion!

Original poster

Pontouf · 09/02/2013 12:45

Ok, I promise I'll be nice when he arrives.

(Possible disclaimer??) I am 32 weeks pregnant and generally irritated by everything at the moment!

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 09/02/2013 12:48

Nope that doesn't let you off the hook I'm afraid

Hope you have a great time.

HyvaPaiva · 09/02/2013 12:51

He doesn't need to be there til 4pm. He told you at the first mention of your plan that he might not make it. There's no need for your DC to need hours and hours to get used to your friend again. 1.30 is plenty in any case. Careful, you have a lovely friend and you sound like you're entitled. I'm not saying you are, OP, this reaction isn't good though. Just saw that you're pregnant - drip-feeder! - so I realise you're irritated but still, that's not a free pass to sound so entitled and demanding. Sorry OP, YABVU!

Maternitygold · 09/02/2013 12:51

That's very good of you to correct yourself and be nice to him. He is surely a great friend and you must understand his point of view as well.

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

Original poster

Pontouf · 09/02/2013 13:16

Really Worra? Not even a bit? Ok then. Am hanging my head in shame. Thanks for putting me right. I knew I could rely in MN to slap me into shape

Thanks Maternity

OP posts:

maddening · 09/02/2013 13:31

Give dd lunch and do a nice afternoon tea for your friend as a nice thankyou for the favour

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