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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be worried about DD going to a music festival

47 replies

skyblue11 · 08/02/2013 16:13

DD is 17, she wants to go to a festival 80 miles away. She's so irresponsible and I know she'd be , though she reassures me that she won't lose her virginity and have sex with 3 ramdomers like someone she knows did last year. I just don't think she's sensible enough yet and she is now sulking I've asked to compromise and go for the day rather that stay in a tent, I know she'll be 1 next year and will go then anyway meantime AIBU?

OP posts:

GlaikitFizzog · 08/02/2013 16:28

She needs to learn to fend for herself, get herself out of scrapes etc. if my mum knew half the things I got up to at 17 she would have locked me up and never let me out. You need to trust her. And be confident that you have raised a sensible young lady.

orangepudding · 08/02/2013 16:28

YANBU, festivals bring out the worst in people.

I dread the day my kids start going but at 17 I won't stop them just worry until they are home!

Original poster

skyblue11 · 08/02/2013 16:28

That's the thing, she's not sensible!

OP posts:

LadyBeagleEyes · 08/02/2013 16:29

Oh,let her go.
Ds went to T in the Park at 16, but he did have his older cousin there to look out for him.
She'll get cold, muddy and wet and have a ball.

Original poster

skyblue11 · 08/02/2013 16:30

She would be going with 2 friends, I would be happier if she had a bf to go with tbh

OP posts:

usualsuspect · 08/02/2013 16:32

I went to reading at 17, I wasn't very sensible but I survived

YouBrokeMySmoulder · 08/02/2013 16:32

Thing is that festivals are full of teenagers getting into all sorts of scrapes and are stewarded accordingly. She should be ok.

Just make sure that she has all the kit she needs and knows that you will come and pick her up if needed.

I didnt mean arsey in a bad way btw - I would feel arsey about it too, I just meant try not to show it! She might listen to some advice then.

GlaikitFizzog · 08/02/2013 16:33

Not sensible in what sense? Drinking til comatose? Drugs? Promiscuous? The most sense you need at a festival is to remember where you pitched your tent and to judge which burger van to avoid. If she's going in a group they'll all look out for each other.

GlaikitFizzog · 08/02/2013 16:34

Why is a BF preferable to 2 friends?

Original poster

skyblue11 · 08/02/2013 16:34

Yeah we had the convo about it, DH flatly said no, I am always the one who has to sweet talk him round then he gets arsey with me about not backing him up and supporting him. Can't win! I think nearer the time it will be fine....

OP posts:

Original poster

skyblue11 · 08/02/2013 16:35

I just think a BF would look out for her more, but she doesn't have one anyway.

OP posts:

YouBrokeMySmoulder · 08/02/2013 16:37

I think just saying no is not the way to go at all. After all what is he going to do? Lock her in her room?

Much better to send them off clued up and with advice ringing in their ears.

iamjustlurking · 08/02/2013 16:39

I have been going to Reading Festival for years and am in my 40's now. My children have also been coming since they were young. This year my DD 17 will be going with friends, luckily enough I live close enough to come home. She will camp.

Festivals have a totally different atmosphere than gigs they are fantastic. She will be fine. If she is going to sleep with 3 randomers she won't need to wait until a festival to do so.

Annunziata · 08/02/2013 16:39

You're far better off teaching her to be responsible than looking for a boyfriend for her.

maddening · 08/02/2013 16:39

I went to my first festival at 17 :)

haloflo · 08/02/2013 16:40

Leeds festival is amazing when you are 17 - its not the same when you go in your twenties.

As well as the obvious drink/drug/legal high warnings remind her to keep her belongings safe - so locker, on her person, bottom of sleeping bag as theft is a big problem there. My sister went aged 15 (late August birthday) and she was a bit "dizzy" She managed to lose £90 on the first day. Needless to she learnt from it and grew up a little before university. She still had a great time.

They even have phone charging points in the lockers now so she can phone you each day at some point.

Some of my best memories of being young(er) are at this festival.

TheCountessOlenska · 08/02/2013 16:45

Oh I was an absolute idiot at 17 and I went to Reading with nothing terrible happening - I think I drank cider and ate a space brownie that was it!

GlaikitFizzog · 08/02/2013 16:46

Ok, I disagree there with you. The friends she has now will probably be friends for life. BFs at her age come and go, and sure as hell don't hold your hair back when you are puking your guts up!

Well that's my experience anyway.

TeaMakesItAllPossible · 08/02/2013 16:52

She should be fine. I was fine at raves at 16, inter-railing at 17 and moving away from home at 18. I wasn't streetwise and did some really stupid things but lived to tell the tale of my youthful wild adventures in my 40s.

If you're going to pay - very nice of you - I agree that giving her tasks to do to earn it is a good idea.

Can some of those tasks be things that challenge lack of experience, and give you the opportunity to know you can trust her? I don't know. Perhaps things like going into your nearest big city for the day by train, going overnight to a YH, getting her to ask for directions from people, take her camping and teach her about gas fires, tents and carbon monoxide. I guess it depends what you're worrying about most.

My Mum brought me a security belt for my money to go under my clothes. And packed me off with a rape alarm, a torch, some wet-wipes and talc (for my hair). She also made me produce a list of the things I would need for each trip and "checked" it - she used that list to make sure I knew what to pitfalls to watch out for.

rhinobaby · 08/02/2013 16:55

I went to reading when I was 17, it was fine. Agree better to give her advice to help keep her and belongings safe, if all friends stick together they will have a great time. There will be a first aid / stewards tent for medical advice or problems including drinking too much, so there are plenty of sensible heads around if needed. Festivals are a rite of passage for many teens, and no more unsafe than a night out on the town ( where sex, drugs, xs alcohol can just as easily happen)

jamdonut · 08/02/2013 16:56

I went to Leeds for the first time 2 years ago (When 46!), and last year!

I only went on day tickets...it poured and the place was a sludgy mud bath the first time. But I'd happily let my daughter go at 17. (Next year)

More than anything else its REALLY expensive to get food etc.

I unexpectedly needed paracetamol and it cost me £3 for a packet of generic Happy Shopper tablets!!

And if she can stand the portakabin-type toilets she'll be OK (They are really horrible!!)

I wish I'd been allowed to do it when I was 17...

StuntGirl · 08/02/2013 18:35

Leeds is fine, really. It has a zero tolerance on drugs (although of course people do sneak them in), there are millions of stewards and security guards, each campsite has it's own Campsite Assistance Teams who keep tabs on what's happening, there are TONS of organised events like campsite discos, silent discos, film tents etc to keep people occupied once the bands are over, it works a treat in stopping people going mental and causing chaos. It's a bit like nursery for drunk grown ups, keep 'em occupied, keep an eye on 'em and they can't cause trouble

Is she going in a group of friends? Just read the Leeds website and follow their safety advice and she'll be fine. She'll have an amazing time.

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