AIBU to never want kids??

[Judged]

So I don't want to have children and I am incessantly judged and patronised for it. It doesn't help that my reasons are unusual.

The following are my reasons for never wanting kids-


-I have severe tokophobia (pathological fear of childbirth). I cannot even contemplate the idea of a vaginal birth.
-I love my career and have high ambitions. Becoming a SAHM or a housewife would be a slow death for me. Also, I don?t like the idea of being economically dependent and answerable for how much I spend and why. It?s important for me to have my own money.
-I?ve seen children take couples further and further apart. I?ve always kind of perceived them as a threat to a strong relationship because of the challenges they bring.
-I have always had body confidence issues. Due to my PCOS, I have always battled with maintaining my weight and I already have things like stretch marks and acne scars. The thought of having a major acne breakout during pregnancy (I?ve heard that pregnancy can make acne worse) makes me literally want to cry. As does the idea of putting on weight which won?t come off.
-The idea of developing issues like melasma and severe morning sickness really terrifies me.
-I just HATE hospitals and invasive medical procedures. I?m an extremely private person and the idea of being poked, prodded and being so vulnerable is just awful to me.
-Due to my PCOS, there?s a chance that I might need hormone therapy and/or IVF and that too makes me sick to the stomach for the same reasons mentioned above.

Vaginal birth, weight gain, the changes in the body, and the possibility of having to give up job just make me hate the idea of ever having children.

In my culture, EVERY man wants kids. I know at the back of my head that I will have to have them whether I want them or not and this does tend to disturb me immensely.

So what do I do??? AIBU to not want to have kids??

[HecateWhoopass]

That was mean.

And anyway - so what if she was, anyway? At least she is aware enough to not inflict herself on a child! That's good.

Get over to the stately homes threads to find out what happens when self absorbed people actually have children.

(sorry, OP, not agreeing that you are. just making a point)

[amillionyears]

I didnt know that one person had to stay at home full time for the first year if they wanted to adopt.

[PearlyWhites]

Maybe a bit mean but that wasnt my intention. I was just being honest. I have never read so many "I's" in an op.

[Judged]

If I already was a parent, then thinking about myself only could be considered selfish. I don't understand it when people say I am selfish to not want kids....
Being selfish is about doing something that's good for you even if it harms other people. Who am I harming by not having children?

[DontEvenThinkAboutIt]

pearly. The OP's dilemma is her dilemma . Of course, her OP has to contain lots of I's. How could it not ?

[Lottapianos]

YANBU at all OP. I'm pretty sure I don't want children either. I hear you on the judgment issue - I have had some people make really rotten comments. But I've also had lovely comments, and total indifference too, which is fine by me. If someone is being incredibly critical of such a personal decision, I think it says more about them than about you. There are lots of non parents on here by the way so stick around!

[Absoluteeightiesgirl]

Am surprised you have to ask.

[amillionyears]

Judged.
The people around you should not be judging you.
You are not doing anything wrong by not wanting to have children.

[DontEvenThinkAboutIt]

OP, Do people actually tell you that you are selfish for not wanting kids ............

or is it just that you think they think you are selfish?

[amillionyears]

I do have to say one thing.

Where I used to work, there was a person who was adamant she did not want children. Fair enough. She bought up the subject quite often. OK.
But no matter how many times her work colleagues agreed with her that she it did not matter if she did not have children, she kept bringing the subject up.

In the end we realised that she had a problem with it herself.

[thebody]

Why would you feel you 'have' to have kids.

Lots of women choose not to. Do what suits you.

Who should care but you. It's your body and your life.

My dss didn't have kids! Didn't want them. So what!

[JugglingFromHereToThere]

You seem quite clear that for a number of reasons you don't want children.

And that you'll be looking for a partner who doesn't want them either.

That's good, you know what you want. Start from there !

Personally I found having two babies and raising them was a fab (if tiring) life project, but I do know as well that there are a thousand other things you can do with your life - either instead or as well

[NumericalMum]

YANBU for not wanting children.
I do think your reasons are a bit odd tbh.
Childbirth, whilst not any fun, was pretty easy compared to recovery from major surgery.
I am not a SAHM. I hated maternity leave. I am not financially dependent on anybody. I have a pension and own half a house, car etc. the small time out I had on maternity leave (11 months) was a tiny insignificant part of my whole career.
My DH and I did find our DC caused a wedge in our relationship but to be honest that was there long before DC, she just meant we couldn't hide from it anymore. After significant counselling and a lot of hard work our lives as a team of 3 are so much better than the individuals we were pre-DC!

[Judged]

NumericalMUM- I don't really want to get into a debate about a vaginal birth v/s recovery from a major surgery. I'm quite well researched on the subject and I have a severe phobia of birth. I simply cannot do it vaginally. It's a c section or nothing. I suppose you have to have the phobia to understand what I mean.

[Judged]

No, I don't think I am selfish, but plenty of people have called me that for not wanting children.

[JugglingFromHereToThere]

I really think anyone who calls a woman selfish for not wanting children is a bit dim hasn't thought things through at all

[JamieandtheMagicTorch]

I don't think you sound at all selfish. You do sound quite fearful, which might end up being a bit limiting for you in the long run. I'd say this if the issue weren't having children.

[JamieandtheMagicTorch]

I meant, I'd also say this if the issue weren't having children

[JamieandtheMagicTorch]

amillionyears


Yes