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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

To not want SIL to move in?

20 replies

CocoNutter · 07/02/2013 21:58

I've got a new job which will involve relocation to the other end of the country. DH is coming too, of course, but probably a few months after me as he hasn't got another job yet. SIL is currently not working (applying but being extremely picky) and has to leave her current place staying with friends in the next couple of weeks. She could easily afford to rent if she were less picky about jobs (she's not really applying for many, and she is qualified for a lot). As she's not working she could go back home to PIL's until she got a job (they'd be more than happy for this).

She wants to stay with us for some indeterminate length of time until she gets a job, as we live in commuting distance from the city she wants to be in. I have six weeks left before I have to move, during which time we have to work out what I'll need to take with me, sell the house, and buy a new one (obviously that's not going to go through in six weeks but we'll be doing viewings etc). DH and I have had major relationship issues over the past year and are only just getting back on track. I also suffer from depression. We're already storing all SIL's stuff which is a pain in itself as it's been here for months and doesn't really help when selling the house!

DH would quite like her staying once I've gone, which is fair enough as he'll appreciate the company, but AIBU to want my last six weeks here with DH on our own and without the stress of catering for another person on top of everything else?

OP posts:

DeepRedBetty · 07/02/2013 22:02

No Yanbu. Why can't dh invite her to stay only if she gets a job in the city that's commutable from yours?

quoteunquote · 07/02/2013 22:02

No, if it doesn't work for you then it doesn't work for you.

Just say No.

and if you are trying to sell, ask her to move her stuff.

Original poster

CocoNutter · 07/02/2013 22:07

Problem is, her family will think I'm being petty and difficult if I say no. They won't see what the fuss is about

OP posts:

2rebecca · 07/02/2013 22:22

It's nothing to do with them. They can lend her money for a b&b if they are so concerned. of course they don't see why YOU shouldn't have her staying with them as it doesn't impact on them.
Not their problem, nothing to do with them, if they moan let them.

2rebecca · 07/02/2013 22:22

"her staying with you" not them.

Hissy · 07/02/2013 22:28

As you are trying to pack the house up, send her stuff to your PIL and just say no to SIL moving in. If H wants to invite her to stay for a few days (max) then all well and good, but he needs to understand that it's no more than that.

Original poster

CocoNutter · 08/02/2013 20:33

Apparently now it's for two weeks though I reckon it'd turn into more. She'd be staying in the room that I'm trying to keep immaculate as it's our biggest selling point. Agh.

OP posts:

ENormaSnob · 08/02/2013 20:39

Yanbu at all.

Inertia · 08/02/2013 20:47

Just say no, it's not convenient while we are selling the house and in the middle of a move ourselves. And send all her stuff back too.

Is the hassle of her family thinking you are petty worth the potential loss of thousands of pounds off the value of your house due to buyers not being able to see beyond SIL's stuff everywhere?

She has parents who will happily accommodate her. She isn't going to be homeless. She hasn't got a job which would need her to find nearby accommodation urgently. She just fancies sponging off you for a bit while you are off the scene.

Hissy · 08/02/2013 21:04

Nope, just stick to the No. Your house move trumps everything.

AgentZigzag · 08/02/2013 21:31

If you think of all the hours, minutes and seconds you'll have to live with her grating on you, when you're in the middle of that time, would you gladly swap her staying with you being thought of as a bit 'petty and difficult'?

It's a price I would pay gladly if it were me.

Sorry if I've missed it, but how old is your SIL, just out of interest?

mrsbunnylove · 08/02/2013 21:44

no.

Original poster

CocoNutter · 08/02/2013 21:58

She's 26. We get on well, I just don't think I can deal with the stress at the moment! DH feels bad as he says we've already told her she could - this is true to some degree but it was hypothetical at the time, before I got the job, and before we put the house on the market. Apparently she needs to be near the city to do some project she's working on (unpaid and nothing to do with her profession).

OP posts:

Original poster

CocoNutter · 10/02/2013 14:00

DH is digging his heels in. He says I need to tell her if she can't stay because he doesn't want to. He also reckons I said yes, which I know categorically that I didn't!! He doesn't want to leave her in the lurch. I think she should stand on her own two feet and we know she can afford to rent somewhere for a month as it'll work out cheaper than getting the train in from ours!

OP posts:

Hissy · 11/02/2013 19:55

Come on!

This is your house, your home and you'd prefer her not to stay there.

So TELL her. No SIL, its not convenient. If she pushes, just repeat. If she insists some more, just say No, its been decided, that's it, its a no

TheDoctrineOfSciAndNatureClub · 11/02/2013 19:58

If DH's price is that you are the one to tell her, I'd pay that price and tell her!

thebody · 11/02/2013 20:05

I think it's a bit strange that your dh is putting his sisters feelings above yours.

Also why doesn't he also see the problem of her stuff and her stopping the house move?

Sounds like he isn't really in the same track as you. Does he really want to relocate to 'the otherwise of the country'

Think you need to talk.

BambieO · 11/02/2013 20:29

Definite no. You will end up resenting your DH, not wise given you are just getting back on track.

She isn't your responsibility, your family unit comes first.

AThingInYourLife · 11/02/2013 20:35

Just tell her it doesn't suit now.

There's too much on.

Original poster

CocoNutter · 12/02/2013 20:53

We have compromised. She can stay if under strict instructions - given by DH so as to avoid my looking like a crazy pedantic control freak - to make sure everything is arranged how we say to the letter for viewings, and that she's out for them with her stuff in the car and room thus as empty as it is now! She's also only staying a few days. So happier now especially because you all think I wasn't being unreasonable

OP posts:

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