My Grandad died today. He was like a father to me. He gave me away at my wedding and he was someone I could always turn to for sensible and unbiased advice, no matter what.
The person who rang me to tell me was my Father. The man who fought in the courts for custody of my sister and I and won and then later decided to give us back because his new wife didn't want us around. My stepmother physically and emotionally abused me, prevented my sister and I from seeing our Grandparents, then, when my sister and I went to live with our Mother, my Father and his new family became estranged from my Grandparents, his parents. It broke my Gran's heart, as she always felt he had done nothing wrong and my stepmother was to blame for everything. I didn't see my father much from about 8 years old, I went into foster care when I was 13 an he still didn't get in touch, even though he was in touch with My Grandparents then. I saw him at my sister's wedding 16 years ago and he wanted to talk to me and told me he'd like to be in touch but I had to accept responsibility for us not speaking for so long. I told him to get lost basically.
My Gran has always given him information about me. She has always tried to get me to speak to him. My Grandfather never really forgave him for his behaviour but tolerated hoof roar my Grandmothers sake. He is the kind of man who would never really be rude to anyone anyway. It was my Gran's idea that my Father rang me today. My sister had offered to do it.
Now my Gran is expecting me to ring her and I want to avoid any conversation about my Father. I know she will try and bring it up and seen this as an opportunity for us to speak again. I obviously do not want to upset her at this time or discuss it with her. I also don't know how I am going to avoid him at the funeral and feel like it is going to be extremely awkward.
I don't really know what to do. I just don't want to deal with my Father right now and feel I can't avoid it.