To be so irate over a friend's attitude

[pingu2209]

My friend goes on and on and on at me about how she has no money and can't afford to give her sons' birthday parties, take them places or buy them expensive toys such as Nintendo DS etc. She plays the violin and is fishing for sympathy on a regular basis.

She constantly compares what I do with my children to what she does with hers. Her boys go swimming once a week and ask to go to the after school clubs and sports clubs but she says she can't afford them.

However, she smokes 20 a day, SilkCut.

I have very little sympathy for someone who is all "Wo is me, my children are suffering because I have no money...." but then SMOKES.

She spends at least £50 a week on bloody cigarettes.

Nothing to do with me what she does with her money - but she is always going on and on about not having any. It is pissing me off.

[olgaga]

As an ex-smoker (two years on 12 Feb) I must admit I was really shocked when I noticed the price of cigarettes recently - the brand I used to smoke is now £7.25 for 20 in my local Co-op.

I think your friend's remarks about your respective financial positions are an open invitation for you to comment - why the hell shouldn't you respond?

I would ask her if she has ever thought of getting help with her addiction, since her obvious struggle to afford things for her children is making her so unhappy. What's the point in her being resentful when the solution is in her own hands?

Ask her if her children ever mention her smoking. Most primary school children are told about smoking - my DD came home one day and told me "Did you know mummy, that if you smoke you'll die?"

Ask her if she has ever thought about what it would be like to die prematurely, leaving her children without a mum.

Remind her that smokers will be walloped once again in the budget, as they are every year.

If she gets really annoyed with you, and dumps you, will you be that bothered? She sounds like a proper pain!

[olgaga]

Tarka you are right. I smoked for over 30 years, and started very young. I have to say giving up was the hardest thing I ever did, and I only managed it after I had done irreparable damage to my lungs, and my breathing could no longer keep up with my normal walking pace. Oh and my teeth started to drop out.

So yes it is a terrible addiction, and I needed a lot of help to do it. But I honestly don't think I could have carried on so long if it had been a choice between forcing my own child to make sacrifices so I could continue to feed my addiction.

[FlouncingMintyy]

Yanbu. How much longer can you put up with it? Really, you have to say something like "sorry I cannot listen to you moaning about lack of money when you are setting fire to £7.00 a day and inhaling the smoke into your lungs".

[Hammy02]

YANBU. What a selfish mum.