EVIL MILs - WHY DID YOU MARRY SOMEONE WHEN YOU DON'T LIKE THEIR MUM??

[Hullygully]

Why??

What did you think would happen?

[exoticfruits]

It beats me that you choose one person in the whole world and then don't like his mother, when she is responsible for how he turned out-either through nature or nurture. It also seems odd when it is entirely possible that any DC could be more like MIL than you!

[MyDarlingClementine]

" We get on very well now, sometimes I even polish her urn. "

[exoticfruits]

If her genes did miss DH then it is quite likely they will turn up in the next generation!

[flippinada]

I think it depends on the relationship partner has with the awful parent.

If partner acknowledges/agrees that the parent is awful, but puts their significant other first, and has strategies in place for dealing with it then that's fine.

If partner thinks their awful parent is wonderful and sees nothing wrong with their behaviour or is still in their 'thrall' then that's different.

[Hullygully]

that is v er y sad Dr Garnett

[flippinada]

"It beats me that you choose one person in the whole world and then don't like his mother"

What if the parent is abusive? I should think, in that case, it's entirely natural not to like them.

Abusive parents can produce absolutely lovely children.

[cravingformilk]

When you come across threads like this, do you ever wonder what it will be like when we are the MIL/FILs? Especially when so many people have bad relationships with the inlaws.

FWIW my inlaws are not perfect but neither am I . They are kind, caring and adore my DC. They interfere at times but I just smile, nod and then quite often ignore it, in the knowledge that they believe they are trying to help.

[MyDarlingClementine]

It seems that its actually most MILS who don't see thier DILS as part of the package.

[flippinada]

Funny you should say that craving

I may or may not be a MIL one day (official or otherwise) and it's never crossed my mind to worry about whether I'll get on with my son's partner - yet it seems to cause people on here genuine concern.

[fluffyraggies]

When (if) my daughters get married i will not expect to be 'part of the package' that their husbands take on! What a cringe making thought. I'd be dreadfully embarassed if any of my daughters made their future husbands think carefully about marrying them because 'mum's part of the package'

Oh my god, just, no!

So why on earth should it be so for sons?

[Januarymadness]

Hully how is that different? its still a MIL story. It is still on mumsnet and it will still cause reactions like yours. oh another MIL story.

I could go into my stuff bit it would be way to identifying. Truth is I have never argued with MIL. We maintain the farce of a relationship as it would be too difficult to maintain a relationship with other members of the family if we made our feelings known. That does not mean her behaviour isnt abusive and it does not mean that my dh doesnt deserve some love in his life. He damn well doesnt now, nor has he ever, got it from her.

I will not keep my mouth shut when people assume it is the DILs fault when relationships with the MIL fail. Circumstances are different in every case.

[cravingformilk]

To be perfectly honest flipp I don't really give it much thought either (my son is only very young). It's just when you see all the MIL posts and everyone getting along seems to the the exception rather than the rule it does occasionally make me wonder .

[HandbagCrab]

Some evil mils hide in plain sight hully They don't all cackle and give you the stink eye over their warty conk the first time you go over for roast hansel and gretel Sunday dinner :)

[Theicingontop]

'cus I wasn't marrying his mum...

[forehead]

I didn't know how awful my MIL was, until after i had marriied her son.
My dh has admitted that he didn't want me to spend too much time with his mother before we married, as he was convinced that i would refuse to marry him. He was bloody well right.

[JamieandtheMagicTorch]

BoneyBack

What I meant was that if your MIL is horrible to you and your DH does not acknowledge that, the you have problem in your relationship with your DH

[WheresMrMonkey]

What a ridiculous title??? Kind of obvious and very cheesy. But the answer your looking for is.... Love
You marry someone because you love them, sod their family

[JamieandtheMagicTorch]

Boney

actually flippinada said it better above, too

[Antipag]

Well obviously because I loved my DH. I think if he didn't see how passive aggressive she is and he was always on her side it would be a different story, but he can't pick his family any more than I can pick mine. As long as you put your partner first in the equation the it's just a case of 'shit happens'.

[MrsKoala]

Actually when I think about this more, it started that mil didn't like me not the other way round. I thought we were getting on fine then she called dh (when he was DP) out of the blue and said that I was banned from the house. She then came up with a list of all my transgressions over the previous year. These included, but not exclusive to: not eating battery eggs, not choosing the carpet for our house which SHE wanted and insulting her Xmas tree. I am wondering if you think there is a 'Xmas tree defensive gene' exotic? And maybe ds will have inherited it

[AQuarkTooFar]

Honestly I was well warned about dh's Mum before I married him. got on fine with her until a week before our wedding and it went down hill from there. I can't forget some of the things she did that week.

His Mum is still hell as I know full well she would be, but, I love DH very much and wouldn't be without him!

He was well warned about my DDad as well!