To think these subjects shouldn't be taboo?

[littlemisssunny]

I suffered 2 miscarriages and also suffer from anxiety and OCD and depression.

But these subjects are so taboo and people aren't comfortable talking about them.

I understand sometimes people don't want to talk about them, and that's fine, especially a sensitive subject such as miscarriage.

I think mental health is starting to be talked about more and OCD is certainly becoming more understood.

I feel I can talk more on here but in real life I struggle. I'm not talking about going up to strangers in the street, but friends and family.

I do think if these topics are better understood them people would find it easier to find help and support.

I know when I had my miscarriages I found it very hard, and understand this is a very difficult topic for people but people are scared to talk about it.

I am becoming a volunteer for the miscarriage association to try and get more information and support out there so people know help and support is there if they need it.

Sorry for waffling, it's just something I feel strongly about, and want people to get talking about it.

YANBU

I think it would help people who are going through these things if they knew that it was not unusual.

Yanbu, totally understand what you mean.
I had misscarriage before i had ds. Dm didnt want to talk about it. Dsf made jokes. Ffs it isnt a joking matter, although he is a prick.
Also suffer deppression. I just feel its too much for other people to cope with and they dont want to hear it.
It is very , but unfortunatly it does happen and i suppose ive got used to it.
But it should change.

I don't want to upset anyone on here (why am I on mumsnet??) but do YOU ever try to start a conversation about any of these topics? As someone who is lucky enough not to have ever had a miscarriage I would be uncomfortable raising the issue but would be quite happy to talk about it if someone else brought it up. I don't feel that I know whether the person who has had the miscarriage WANTS to talk about it unless they say so. I have a horror of "prying" for the sake of prying, and often say to people that I am ready to listen and say nothing, listen and talk, or just sit and throw plates at my garage wall if that's what they want to do, but I'm not going to constantly ask how they feel etc, unless they indicate that they want me to. It's not that I don;t care, it's that I haven't been there and so can't really understand and as I am quite a private person and would hate someone asking me every 2 minutes if I was ok I don't do it.

justforlaughs I know people find it hard to know what to say etc, what I mean is its hard for people who have had a miscarriage to know where to go to as it isn't talked about. It's hard to explain what I mean but I only found out after I had my miscarriages that lots of people I know had to, but felt it was something not to be talked about. If more people talked about it then people like yourself would maybe understand more about it? It's getting the knowledge out there so people aren't afraid to talk about it.

I know when I went back to work people would avoid me because they didn't know what to say, which I totally understand and don't blame them, and I know everyone deals with things differently.

The Miscarriage association I think do a leaflet for people who know someone who has had a miscarriage and has tips on what to do/say.

Sorry if that doesn't make sense!

It's never going to be a comfortable thing to talk about, but I just feel there could be better knowledge and understanding.

YANBU. I have no experience of miscarriage, but I have experience of mental health issues. I am bipolar but very few people know that IRL because I learnt very quickly not to mention it

YANBU. There are lots of topics that people are uncomfortable
discussing because of how it makes THEM feel. I was abused as a child and in a discussion with a woman I considered to be a close friend about bad parents, I happened to mention it (it was in context FYI). She promptly informed me that 'I shouldn't tell people private things like that because it makes them feel uncomfortable'. Well EXCUSE ME. But FUCK OFF. Hopefully you have at least one good and supportive friend/family member you can talk to about your pain, if not then please explore counselling. Talking helps us overcome trauma

Thanks Antipag it was a while ago now one in 2004 and one in 2005 but I think more about it at this time of year as that's when they happened.

I think you are right that it does make them feel more uncomfortable than us, if someone told me something like that I would at least try to be supportive, like you say it was in context, sorry to hear they were like that with you.

Thanks as I see it it is her problem not mine. I am lucky though, my close friends and family are brilliant and always there if I need to talk about it. I think you are doing an amazing thing trying to use your painful experience in a positive way to help others

I totally agree,
I found peoples faces amusing once I was feeling better when I declined offers of things by saying.. sorry I see my psychiatrist that day...

Howecer the amount of people who have then felt able to chat about their therapy / antidepressants etc..

someone asked me about the 5:2 diet that I am doing and I was saying that it is really good, and the person asked me if I had to see a doctor because she takes medication and wasn't sure if she would do it without seeking advice... I happily said I was taking mind stabilising drugs and it was ok but if it was anything else I would check.

I just feel that being as open about it as possible about it may possibly help one or 2 people to feel more comfortable about their own situation.

Good luck to you,

littlemissunny. totally agree with you. I had miscarriages at 8 weeks, 11 weeks, 17 weeks and ds2 died at 27 weeks. My DC are 18 and 14 now and for years and years I kept a stiff upper lip and allowed it all to be swept under the carpet. The day dd was born even my mother said "well everything's perfect now, a boy and a girl". Mnet wasn't around in the 90s I wish it had been. On here is the only place I can "talk" about it. In r/l I am bright and perky and even then put my make-up on; did my hair, smiled and generally put on a front that nobody got through. Still the same in r/l. And yes, they remain taboo subjects.

Hope you are OK. Eventually one comes to terms with it, even if you never quite get over it. >>>hugs