To want 20 mins peace now and again!

[angelicstar]

Maybe I am? I just never seem to get any time on my own. I have a 2 1/2 year old and 4 1/2 year old and I love them to bits but they just seem to consume my time day and night. I knew having two kids would be hard when they were much younger but I had thought by now it might have got a bit easier.

Neither of them sleep well and I am often visited by one or both of them in the night and this has really impacted my sleep so I feel constantly drained anyway.

When I have one child on their own they want constant attention. For example today I took dc to playgroup so spent time playing and interacting. Got home and set ds cars out for him but he just wouldn't play and it was a struggle even making lunch. Again in the afternoon he just wanted me to play constantly and if I tried to sit down with cup of yea he cried!

Dd now home from school and they are constantly fighting and I am a referee - I thought they would amuse each other by this age but they just argue!

Dh works long hours and is often away and I don't really get a break at weekends as even if he is here they still come to me for everything.

I'm a sahm and doing a bit of freelancing but can't get anything done as they are constantly mothering me. I do lots of activities etc with them so it's not like they are starved of attention. The only time I get a break is if they watch cbeebies but feel guilty doing this.

Is it unreasonable to expect that they should need me constantly at this age? And if it is what on earth can I do about it?

Why do you feel guilty about them watching CBeebies?

It could be a personality thing, I know, but my 2 year old DS doesn't look for a lot of attention from me and I think it's at least partly due to the fact that I've sent the very strong message from when he was able to understand (I suppose from about a year or so) that I am absolutely not at his beck and call. Tough luck if he wants me to play, he can cry all he likes, if I'm busy I'm busy and he can just wait. It won't hurt him. He knows if I have a cup of tea in my hand I am totally out of bounds unless he wants to read a book (which is always available as I enjoy it and want to encourage it) or he is hurt in some way. If he sees a cup in my hand he just walks away. I do play with him at various times across the day but I also expect him to play alone and he does this quite happily.

At playgroup I absolutely do not play at all - he is there to play with other children, not with me. I am off limits apart from requisite nappy changing and food-giving. I might help him a bit with the craft too. But he knows once we're in the door he's on his own unless he genuinely needs help, is hurt or wants a drink.

Basically I think you have to lay down the law. It could be that you have sent the message that you are available at all times, which is a hard message to change and will take time.

The first thing I'd tackle is sleeping. No coming in at night - anyone who does is sent straight back to bed (barring illness). Your DH needs to do some of the putting back to bed so you can at least have one night a week of unbroken sleep.

Your DH also needs to take them out alone some weekends so you can have some downtime. That way they can't come to you. If you're at home, put DH on duty from time to time and then you are OFF LIMITS - just repeat, "Mummy's busy, ask Daddy," over and over and don't give in to tantrums. You are not their slave and it's perfectly ok to expect them to wait or seek alternative help if you are not available.

Yes.Its the story of my life here too.
Hardest job I've ever done.