Not done this before (posted anything), so apologies if this is really long! My Mum is wonderful, and I love her very much, but at the moment she isn't in a great place. She is sad and anxious most of the time, and my heart breaks for her. Me and dh live very close by and I'm trying to support her as much as I can. I'm 28 weeks pregnant with my first child, and I'm finding things very overwhelming. My Mum and Dad got divorced 26 years ago, and I don't think she ever got over it. She can be very bitter about it, especially if she's feeling insecure and down. We got married last October, and the constant insecurity, passive aggression and anger towards my Dad and my step mum made the whole thing 10x more stressful (especially for her, tbh) and actually it's what I remember about the wedding, not how wonderful my husbadn was, or what an amazing day it was. Anyway, to get to the point (sorry for the long back story!), Mum's insecurity has got to the point where I can't say that anybody else has got anything for the baby without it feeling like a competition. If I mention that my MIL (who is perfectly nice and would be horrified if she thought she was upsetting my Mum), or God forbid my Dad, has got something, my Mum will look close to tears, or just get really angry. Yesterday, my Mum was asking about names, and I made the mistake of telling her we were thinking about giving the baby my Dad's name as a middle name. I know I probably shouldn't have said anything, but I thought it would be worse if she found out that other people (my MIL or Dad) knew before her. It was kind of a rock-and-a-hard-place decision. She looked like I'd slapped her, and just said "Well, that's nice" and just kind of shut me down. I just feel deflated and worried about her and sad for her, guilty that I upset her, but also really angry with her at the same time. It's got to the stage where I'm actively pushing my Dad out in order to keep my Mum from melting down, which I know is so unfair on him. My husband is wonderful, and really supportive, but his Mum and Dad are very different and he doesn't really understand, even though he does his best.
I'm really sorry - I've just seen the length of this post, but am getting to the end of what I can cope with.