Pissed off with my husband AIBU??

[Flossiecombover]

We're all supposed to be out for my best friends birthday and I just don't look forward to going out with everyone as a group.It starts off fine but once the alcohol kicks in,it goes downhill from there.He changes and acts like a stranger.He will be the very last one standing and if I'm not there he wouldn't make it home I.e will drink and drink until he is incapable of talking/walking.Then when we do get home I'm on toilet duty to make sure he gets to it safely and not in the corner of the room.Our night inevitably ends up in an argument where I'm begging him to come home with me.I would like to just leave him where he is but I don't know what sort of trouble he'd get himself into.I suggested to him that I go on my own and just have a night out with my friend and enjoy myself properly.He was not happy and said he knew that I was going to suggest that and said we should just go out for a meal ourselves.I would like a night out on my own though.Other than this he is a great father,we are not getting on well though lately and I'm feeling down about the whole situation.This is my first post and I hope you can help put things into perspective for me.

Wasn't having a pop at you but it seems this might be the tip of an iceberg, don't let me put words in your mouth but you said

we are not getting on well though lately and I'm feeling down about the whole situation

which makes me think there's more to it.

Have you told him what his behaviour is like on a night out? Or the reason you don't want him to come out for your friend's birthday? One of my friends has a dp who used to be a horrible drunk. He said nasty things to people & made her cry lots of times. She told him that she didn't want to go out with him if he was drinking because of his behaviour & he had a near miraculous turn around. He now drinks normal amounts if they go out together & manages to behave himself! X

YANBU. He is BVU. He has a problem with drinking to excess and it needs to be addressed. You should not put up with being treated like your opinions and feelings are less important than his need to get so unreasonably drunk. Horrible of him to treat you as if your feelings do not count and spoil every single night out you have together.

It seems like both of you need to learn to control your use of alcohol. If you were to go on your own why would you get back sufficiently (even if only a little) pissed and hung-over such that HE would have to ferry the kids about on HIS own the next day. Clearly neither of you have a sufficient filter when it comes to alcohol. You should be able to set an example of getting back not pissed/hung over such that you can still participate fully in family life.

I've often wondered what men like this would do if you filmed them being so obnoxious? I think they believe they are the life and soul of the party.

Eurgh, op, I completely share your pain. My dp is a complete twat when drunk and I've more than once had to stop him pissing against the radiator (and all over MY bookcase once!) when that drunk. He's also ended up with a massive black eye (fighting with a bouncer), taken cocaine (I found out from his sister, who took it with him) and spent the night in the cells (twice - that I know of). He gets verbally abusive and we're now at the point where I hate, hate, hate his 'quick point after work on a Friday' but he deserves it cos 'he's at work all week'. As someone who rarely drinks (and even then only a glass of wine) it's all the more irritating. The latest thing (two Fridays in a row) was coming home drunk - and bringing a friend back with him, also drunk, continuing with cans in the kitchen - and once telling me I was making his friend uncomfortable as I was being unsociable!!! All this and we have three kids asleep upstairs. So yeah, you ADNBU. He's a twat.