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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed about friend questioning our finances

26 replies

Antipag · 05/02/2013 09:57

A friend of mine recently recommended taking spa tone instead of the prescribed iron tablets the doctor has given me to avoid the horrible side effects, but when I explained that my doctor would prescribe it and I can't afford to buy it, she began to question what we 'spend all our money on?' I said that was none of her business and she said she couldn't believe 'with all the tax credits we claim' that we couldn't afford the odd £10 here and there. AIBU to be really annoyed and upset by this. Her husband earns £50k a year and she runs her own small company and they only have one DD.

OP posts:

Original poster

Antipag · 05/02/2013 09:58

wouldn't prescribe it

OP posts:

bubbles1231 · 05/02/2013 09:58

Your finances are none of her business.

Fairylea · 05/02/2013 10:01

Yanbu. Tell her to mind her own business.

I'd be tempted to say you're too busy spending the tax credits on your next plasma 50 inch tv.

(I'm naughty I know, we get a lot of tax credits too by the way)..

YourHandInMyHand · 05/02/2013 10:02

YANBU tell her to mind her own business.

Why would you spend £10 on something you can get for free on prescription? (I'm assuming you get free prescriptions)

16p paracetomols - sure, just buy them
£10 iron supplement or free prescription is a bit of a no brainer really isn't it.

aldiwhore · 05/02/2013 10:02

Just say "thanks for the advice I'll look into it" You mentioned your finances first I suppose, that's where you went wrong. You do not have to have an excuse ready for her! She was being very nosey, she overstepped the mark.

If she badgers you, say you've looked into it and decided it's not for you.

Unfortunately you opened up this line of conversation by given her reasons for not taking her advice.

YANBU to be annoyed she started digging and quizzing you. YABU to have enabled her to comment by revealing your financial quandry.

almostanotherday · 05/02/2013 10:02

'With all the tax credits you claim' that was a bit if a bitchy comment IMO.

almostanotherday · 05/02/2013 10:03

Of not if ffs brain not quite awake yet

expatinscotland · 05/02/2013 10:06

YANBU.

Original poster

Antipag · 05/02/2013 10:08

I did open the finance conversation which was definitely my mistake but I think it was the tax credit comment that really jarred my craw. I am quite upset that she seems to be implying we are 'scroungers' we have known each other for 15 years but over the last few years I have noticed a few such occasions where she seems to be making passive aggressie attacks on our circumstances. I wonder if it is time to ask her head on if she has something to say to me about it.

OP posts:

CashmereHoodlum · 05/02/2013 10:09

YANBU, and she is extremely rude!

DawnOfTheDee · 05/02/2013 10:12

Next time she says something like 'with all the tax credits you claim' ask her 'how much do we claim then?'....I assume since she doesn't actually know she'll stand there with her mouth flapping feeling rather silly.

CashmereHoodlum · 05/02/2013 10:14

I would lose this friend if I were you. Anybody who makes themselves feel better by putting you down isn't worth bothering with. I'm on the receiving end of something along these lines and it isn't nice.

WhoeverHeardOfAWormskinRug · 05/02/2013 10:14

Iron supplements from the doctors made me ill, I can't remember whether it was Ferrous Sulphate or Ferrous Fumerate - but I switched from one to the other after discussing it with the doctors and I felt much better! (My tummy was much happier!)

Yanbu by the way - none of her darn business!

FaceLikeAPickledOnion · 05/02/2013 10:14

Tell her you've bought 100 bottles of gin this month with your money.

YANBU

Original poster

Antipag · 05/02/2013 10:23

Thanks ladies, advice and opinion gratefully recieved

OP posts:

CogitoErgoSometimes · 05/02/2013 10:27

YANBU.... cheeky cow! But have a variation of the old George Best response ready next time. "I spend a lot of money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squander"

5alive4life · 05/02/2013 10:33

yanbu how rude!! reminds me of the comment my friend made last year when i told her that dp and I had got a flat together--i meant rented but she assumed we had purchased it and she said "how?! dp and I cant even afford to buy a flat how can you" i was shocked

TWinklyLittleStar · 05/02/2013 10:33

Cheeky bitch. My friends and I fully expect to be able to say "I can't afford..." without getting the third.degree about our finances. Tell her to mind her own bloody business.

KatyTheCleaningLady · 05/02/2013 10:54

I would take "I can't afford..." to mean "I'm not willing to waste money on something that I can get for free." I am sure that you can find £10 for something if you need to.

I have experienced people being a bit bitchy about tax credits. My husband worked full time and earned £24000. I stayed at home with a newborn. I thought we were modestly normal, and not scroungers. But a friend did make a comment about something. I had complained about something that happened in hospital, and she said, "Well, you did eventually get what you needed, and you didn't have to pay for it. The taxpayer did."

LatteLady · 05/02/2013 11:08

Katy, perhaps you should remind your friend that we are all tax payers in some form or another... or does she think that you are VAT exempt too?

OP, it is down to you what you spend your money on, not your friend... I reckon each of us on here treats ourselves in some way... it can be anything from a new pair of tights to a spa weekend... but it is our business how we do it, not anyone else's.

As it happens, I don't have a partner or children but I don't begrudge any on my taxes being paid to someone who does... my mother had child benefit, I had an education from other people paying taxes... if she ever asks you again, tell her this tax payer said you could spend your tax credits, that I contribute to, any way you darn well please!

(oh Heck, someone is going to ask what I am doing on here now...)

Losingexcessweight · 05/02/2013 11:32

People are nosey were finances are concerned.

I had a friend who asked me how my dh could afford to employ two staff!

She also made bitchy comments like "you dont look at the prices of things anymore do you?"

Id ignore her, rude woman!

Original poster

Antipag · 05/02/2013 12:16

Latte Lady, obviously you are here because we are all FABULOUS the more I think about this the more annoyed I am becoming. She has changed significantly since meeting DH, he is an oldr man (she is second wife) and sometimes feel she has adopted his POV in life. I am not great at confronting people about stuff like this though.

OP posts:

PhilMcAverty · 05/02/2013 13:19

I've noticed more bitterness about people receiving and kind of credit or benefit. I think all of the propaganda about scrubbers touted by this government is changing people's opinions. It's a depressing thought isn't it.

CashmereHoodlum · 05/02/2013 13:21

Agree with Phil's observations.

HenriettaChicken · 05/02/2013 13:26

Try the old favourite, 'Did you mean to be so rude?'

You'll be getting tax credits because your income is below a certain level. So why the hell would you waste a tenner on something you can get for free?

Makes perfect sense.

And no, none of her damn business.

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