to send my son a couple of valentines day cards?

[HecateWhoopass]

on the face of it, yes, probably I am.

But he has autism. he's 13. He's been talking about valentine's day really really sadly, saying no girls will like him, and saying I won't get anything, will I?

It is breaking my heart.

Would it be utterly stupid - as my husband thinks it is - to post him a couple of anonymous cards and pretend it's nothing to do with me?

my sister is also of the opinion that it's daft, btw, saying most kids won't get them either.

So I am honestly open to being told I am hopelessly sentimental and overprotective and creating an issue where there actually isn't one

Children should not give nor get any Valentine cards, ghastly tradition it is anyway.
It's for lovers, not children and the sooner parents stop such nonsense, the better for everyone. Except Hallmark etc, obviously.
Commercial trash.

Sorry, no help. Perhaps talk to your son and explain why Valentines day is absurd?

Aw! I used to get disappointed when I was a kid/teenager too.

Your sister is right, though. Most people not in a relationship don't get one... can you twist his interest to making other people happy be sending some?

Don't do it, My DD got obsessive about the one I got the WHsmith lady to write. She spent the next 8+months mooning around wondering who sent it.

Hec I'm planning to do the same thing. Happy to send one to your DS if you want it to come with a non local post mark.

I want to make it clear that I wasn't saying send one from me! in case I wasn't clear.

I wanted to make him think someone had sent him one so he wouldn't feel so sad and like no girl would ever like him.

My sister is on fb with me right now detailing all the reasons why it's a really crap idea

I wouldn't do this to my ds because as much as it upsets him that he doesn't get any, he would see it as a complete betrayal. He is incredibly literal and he just wouldn't process the reasoning behind why, he would just see it as a lie.

I agree with the poster who said you could create more problems then solving with this one.

Ask your ds if he has ever sent one. You could always suggest that you wouldn't get one if you don't send them? My ds would process this. Although he still wouldn't send any cos like that is emotions and why would you want to do that?

Although, for the record, I don't think it is a crap idea, just that you have to know that there is the ability to see it for what it is will be there so you don't cause more problems in the long run.

Yeah, I get that.

He's still processing the fact that santa isn't real. He can't accept/understand it. For several years there was a santa and now I say that he was never real and I bought all the gifts.

We've had a hell of a time with that.

it's just hard to see him sad. I want to make it all better

I send all my 3 dc a valentines card through the post anonymous. I write silly rhymes in just about them and they love it.

The only reason I do this is because I always got one. It is my birthday on Valentines day and my Grandad STILL sends me an anonymous valentines card every year, I am 32!

And Hecate I think its a lovely idea for your ds.

Made me feel really sad for him reading this! I know why others are saying don't, but if its making him that sad I would send him one. I'd also encourage him to send some to others. Bear in mind though you'll probably have to send him one every year!

I know Hectate. And None of us want to see our kids upset. But perhaps you could set it up like a game so he knows in advance that he will get one from family but he has to try to work out who? No lies, just some detective work? People being creative?

I wouldn't. I think it'd cause problems with him wondering who sent it

No, please don't do it.

I once sent one to a girl friend at uni because I thought it would make her day, but it actually unsettled her, she thought she really did have a secret admirer, she spent ages thinking about it.

I never came clean that it was me. I was not trying to be mean, I thought she would be pleased, but I massively regretted it.

My Dad still sends me a valentine's card every year (I'm 31). I always knew it was from him but it's still nice to get one.

In light of the Santa thing, perhaps it is better that you are totally honest with him from now on.

It is really not the norm for young teens to get Valentine's cards, or in fact for people generally to receive cards from 'a secret admirer'. Generally, if you get a card you know who it is from.

Actually, I think it would be better to send him one from you than pretend. Maybe also make the point that receiving Valentines cards (or not) is absolutely no measure of whether girls like him, or will do in the future. Because it reALLY ISN'T.

Oh bother, sorry about random caps. Not shouting, honest

I understand Hec, it's so hard, you'd do anything for them.
I remember having to explain about Santa to DS as he'd started High School and I didn't want him to be teased, his AS means he takes everything so literally.

I understand your motive but if your DS is anything like mine, could he become obsessed about it and finding out who sent it?

I wouldn't send one anonymously as he may be suspicious, or he might think it was someone he likes. A girl in my class at school got an anonymous valentines card from her friends for similar reasons but then she thought it was from a boy she liked and no one could say for definite that it wasn't, she got a bit carried away and ended up very embarrassed :(

My mum always used to make us homemade cards, she wouldn't write her name in them but they were in her handwriting and obviously made by her with things from our craft cupboard! Perhaps you and your husband could write one for him saying how much you love him?