would I be being unreasonable to charge him rent?

[fourandahalfkids]

Our newphew is living with us at the moment. he is 16. Turned up on our doorstep last week with his bags and is now resident in our granny flat.

Bit of background. He has a turbulant relationship with his mum (his dad lives overseas), he has left home/been kicked out numerous times living with various people each time. he lived with us previously for 8 months but left due to not liking our bounderies.

When he left us before it was quite distressing for us as a family. He had taken a lot of our energies and we had invested a lot in him emotionally. He has issues mainly to do with rejection and the way in which he has been raised by his mum ( think compulsive liar, out for all he can get and will screw you over without a second thought, i was on the receiving end of this). My kids were distraught when he just disappeared one day when we were out, it took them awhile to get over it.
Anyway, given all we went through last time we would have been well within our rights to refuse him to stay. But he is family and we welcomed him back with open arms.

James - i was hoping that seeing what he is being offered or even experiencing the harsh realities of living it for a bit would make him wake up and take stock and be greatful for what we r offering him. He is the type of person that wouldn't understand it unless shown it or living it. Like I say he has some dream about him fantastic independant living is going to be. And I cant shake him out of it. The flatwe have is clean warm and actually quite nice. I dread to think where he could end up and with what type if people. He was a fool to give it up in the first place and is still a fool. I would have loved to have a place like that at 16.

That's good he's respectful to you. A very good sign at 16. My eldest ds is 15 and he's like that with others and to us mostly. Has the odd grumble but never very bad. I feel sorry for your dn good job he has you all.

i dont think you can use it all but i do think a bit towards rent wouldnt harm him. even if you put it aside for later if you dont massively need it.

but i think rather than looking at places, would it be better if he used the granny flat as home, paying a rent, bills etc and set up a 'home' there or do you worry baout the impact this would have on you?

Hissy, the council has said they will house him in albeit in shared accomodation. His dad would take him in but he wont go ( lives overseas and doesn't get on with his stepmum, she i
s lovely btw it's all him).

Holiday- no we have said he can stay but he wont long term. He knows our rules and doesn't want to live by them. He doesn't class it as being independant enough as he is still under our roof.

Curious- i wouldn't go so far as saying heis respectful. Last time he left he told everyone a pack of lies about me being the cause of him leaving. He said nothing just left. He can be nice and lovely to you for aslong as he gets what he wants and then he drops you. Doesn't see you for months and makes you the scape goat. What he doesn't do is scream and shout at us or use violence which he has been known to do in the past.

unfortunately, if a person wants to playby their rules only? they have to be wildly wealthy/loaded or be outwith society completely , as he will by the sounds of it , be reliant on social services for at least a while he will certainly have to play by every dept. he has to deal with rules>ive been there, its like a jungle out there !

He seriously needs some outside help and support. you are clearly the only likely stable influence in his life and this is your chance and his to sort things out otherwise we can all guess where he will be in 5 years time. of course he wants to have it all his way he is still a selfish child. being 16 means he isnt an adult exactly in the eyes of the law so someone has to take him on. if it is you then yes you should have his reasonable expenses covered but also you need to seek some outside support and help for him now. have a word with local social services and also cab and see what you can sort out. yes it is a hassle taking him in but i take my hat off to you - you are doing a good thing and giving someone with little hope some hope of a good life.