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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To always be feeling down?

14 replies

Babybirdz · 04/02/2013 19:11

I have been told on occasions I just don't know how to be happy. Looking back over my 30 years of existence I've mostly felt this way. I feel I'm at a stage now where I shouldn't be blaming others in my head( parents) DH said I have a very easy/ relaxed life in comparison to others so I shouldn't feel this way.Aibu? Honest comments please.

OP posts:

OHforDUCKScake · 04/02/2013 19:14

I dont think its anything to do with BU.

But if I were you Id definitely try and address this issues stopping me from being happy.

Adamit · 04/02/2013 19:14

no one can tell you how you should or shouldnt feel. whats a big problem for one person is nothing to someone else. is there anything in particular to make you unhappy? or do you feel you are happy but are not protraying it?

loveroflife · 04/02/2013 19:15

What's making you feel down? You'll need to give some information about why you feel this way. Can't help or give advice with no specific examples.

manicbmc · 04/02/2013 19:16

If you feel like you're depressed then may be a trip to the doctors would be the thing to do.

Crawling · 04/02/2013 19:16

Op why not move this to mental health? Depression doesnt just pick people who have something to be depressed its not prejudiced it happens everywhere people there may be able to advise better.

Original poster

Babybirdz · 04/02/2013 19:24

Adamit- to the outside I appear just an average jolly person. Inside I feel down/ depressed. I'm not able to tell anyone and don't want to be a burden on DH. I grew up with abusive parents, had an eating disorder from the age of 13. I thought It was over it but it comes back to haunt me. My issues now are mainly caused by my DM And DF but there's seriously nothing I can do about them believe me I've tried.

OP posts:

Original poster

Babybirdz · 04/02/2013 19:26

Manicbmc- I refuse to believe I'm depressed. I've been diagnosed in the past and was on medication for a while and would never go back there, do people not just face difficult hurdles instead of wallowing in their own self pity which is what I'm doing?

OP posts:

KatyPeril · 04/02/2013 19:34

Even if you're not depressed, it sounds like there are issues. Speak to your doctor xxx

CailinDana · 04/02/2013 19:39

Your difficult upbringing might have left you without the skills to cope with problems. Missing out on stability and security when you're young can mean that as an adult you struggle to stay on an even keel because you don't develop the resilience to get through difficult times. Also, abuse can mean that you have a tendency to blame yourself for things and blow things out of proportion.

Have you ever had counselling to deal with your childhood?

Are you still in contact with your parents?

Original poster

Babybirdz · 04/02/2013 19:49

Callin Dana- oh yeah!! Still in contact but would rather not be. My last thread about disliking parents explains it all. It's very interesting what you mentioned about developing resilience etc. I have been in contact with my gp who has referred me to counselling. I have many deep rooted issues and although I'm confident in general, im not when it comes to dealing with any form of family matter.

OP posts:

Writehand · 04/02/2013 20:14

Go to counselling, and work hard. Give it your best shot. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) has been proved to work, unlike many other forms of therapy. That's why the NHS uses it. And it does make a difference how much effort you make -- doing any homework they give you and such.

You have real, clear reasons for your sorrow you say in your OP. They are reasons that can be tackled and much improved over time. Take courage, sweetheart. You can change your world. I have.

Original poster

Babybirdz · 04/02/2013 20:54

Writehand- thank you. I'm currently on the waiting list to see a pyschologist but will try my best to work things out in my head. As I'm now a mother myself now I cannot comprehend how a parent can behave in such an appalling manner. I wish I could let go of things in the past but as still in day to say contact with DM this makes things difficult.

OP posts:

CailinDana · 04/02/2013 21:14

Is there any chance of cutting contact with your parents? (sorry I didn't see your other thread). BTW I wouldn't recommend CBT for you - CBT is more for changing thought patterns which I suspect won't go deep enough for you at the moment.

Mumsyblouse · 04/02/2013 21:19

I don't know if this is relevant, but there's a condition called 'dysthymia' which refers to prolonged poor mood over years, if not decades. It's a bit different than your classic depressive episode (although some people with it do have these). It might be worth looking up on Google, as there's treatment for it, such as CBT, counselling, and mindfulness/meditation. Even just knowing you have a specific condition might help.

Again, it might not ring any bells for you, but it was the first thing I thought of when I saw your post.

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