Private schools - want to shout IT'S NOT FAIR!

[Yermina]

Went to PIL last night and heard all about sil's children's school. One of her boys is already attending a fantastic private school. Just found out his two brothers have also got places at very good private schools.

In the mean time my dc's are in classes of 31 at the local state school. My youngest needs additional support (sn) but isn't statemented (diagnosed but no statement) so doesn't get it. SIL's middle child has got into a mainstream private school that has outstanding support for children with dyslexia, which he's been diagnosed with. And will be in classes of 18.

Our middle ds is musically talented but there is really poor provision for music teaching at his state school and very few children there are learning an instrument. We struggle to pay for music lessons for him outside school.

Is it wrong of me to feel eaten up with jealousy and anger at the unfairness of a school system which privileges the children of well-off people so openly and seemingly without anyone else seeing it as something that's wrong or deeply, deeply unfair?

How would you explain to a group of children: you lot over here will have XXXX spent on your education, and lots of opportunity to develop your talents, and you lot over there will have about half as much spent on you, and will have much less attention from the teacher because there'll be twice as many of you in the class. Oh, and you kids with sn or specific gifts - unless your parents have money, you probably won't get the help you need to thrive educationally.

I know it's the way the world is but at the moment I feel bitter about it. Really really bitter. And jealous

Every time I go to my PIL's and have to hear about all the amazing thing SIL's dcs are doing at their school, their academic achievements, I want to go home and hide under the duvet and cry.

We'll never, ever be able to afford private education. We'll never be able to afford to move to an area with really good state schools. We'll never be able to get our children into church schools as we're not church goers, and our local grammar schools (2) are bursting at the seams with children from the local private prep schools, who bus their students in to take the 11+ en mass.

It's just so fucking unfair. It really is. I just want to get that off my chest.

That is all.

[Yermina]

All children are equally deserving of a first rate education.

And the least able children and poorest children who come from the least supportive backgrounds need it more than the most able children from the most supportive backgrounds.

That's the truth, and the rest of this discussion about what adults deserve or don't deserve is just piss in the wind.

[morethanpotatoprints]

Spam, talking about not wanting to pay for those not working is hardly showing compassion, by anybodies standards

[TheOriginalLadyFT]

Nice

So, do tell, if you had the money OP would you send your children to private school?

[Wallison]

Oh noes, I did a swear. Which is much much worse than telling the entire internet that only rich people work hard and therefore should be able to buy privilege for their children.

[OliviaMumsnet]

Oh look
A link to our guidelines
Do have a look
Thanks

[mummyplum1]

tough- I have no idea which of my statements you feel is untrue. You certainly haven't high lighted it to me. I certainly didn't do any SAHM bashing as you put it and I find it more than a bit odd that you feel the need to check my posting history.
These Consultants that you supposedly know couldn't have become Cs without going through NHS training so you are clearly talking total rubbish.
I suggest that you try to get your facts right in future.

[ChazsBrilliantAttitude]

Can I just point out that under the current laws private schools can't give up charitable status as some people have suggested. It would take a significant re-writing of the laws covering charities. IIRC One of only practical ways they can give up charitable status would be to wind up the charity and give the assets to another charity that performs the same purpose.

[TheOriginalSteamingNit]

Sometimes threads like this really challenge me to try to argue hard and argue well, and to be very clear in my own head about what I think and why.

Not the OP's fault, but this one seems to have drowned in a lot of crap that's just difficult to engage with.

[TheOriginalLadyFT]

Add message | Report | Message poster Wallison Mon 04-Feb-13 23:13:00
Oh noes, I did a swear. Which is much much worse than telling the entire internet that only rich people work hard and therefore should be able to buy privilege for their children.


Try not to be childish, I said no such thing. You said all people work hard, I disagreed using my own workplace experience, you resounded by being insulting. Then swearing. Nice

[Flatbread]

All children are equally deserving of a first rate education

Yes, and it is up to the parents to provide it.

The state provides basic services, but if you want first rate, then pay for it from your own pocket.

[Yermina]

TheOriginal - I might well do, or use the money to move somewhere with better schools.

But then I wouldn't go around trumpeting that it was FAIR that our children were getting a better deal than the kids from poor families we'd left behind in the old school, and tick their worried parents off for being jealous of our good fortune, or tell them they should just work harder or eat less or something, even when it was patently obvious that no amount of budgeting would bring them within a mile of paying for a private school.

Why can't people just say 'Yes it's bloody unfair, it's shit for those children who are losing out, and I wish it wasn't so'. And then not vote for a government who perpetuates inequality in society and in education which impacts on the emotional and social welfare of ALL children, rich and poor.

[TheOriginalLadyFT]

[TheOriginalLadyFT]

Because that's not what I think, so I'm not going to say it. And as for voting Conservative, well 13 years of a Labour administration didn't fill me with overwhelming delight about their capacity to improve the education system so I'll stick with the Tories thanks

[TheOriginalSteamingNit]

OP, it's not 'shit' not to go to private school.

[Wallison]

But why shouldn't state education be first rate? What happened to wanting equality of opportunity (which is all that it's about)? Even the most rabid-sounding of Tories would agree that this is what is should be happening.

[Flatbread]

It is really strange to say " look I produced three children, but I don't owe them an education. It is the state and society which owes them the very best. Nothing to do with me"

[Wallison]

Oh ffs flatbread, everyone who works pays taxes. Those taxes fund the education system. It should be the very best there is.

[TheOriginalLadyFT]

You know, I do agree with that wallison - but I don't think wanting things to be better and voting for a party you think will do that is mutually exclusive to sending your child to private school in the meantime.

My child is not a social experiment

[Flatbread]

So what? We all pay taxes for social housing. Doesn't mean those houses have to be the very best in the housing market.

State education is just that, a basic education. Supplement it with home learning, tuition and extracurricular activities if you cannot afford private.

[morethanpotatoprints]

Yermina.

Yes that is true, but until things change its a waste of time moaning about the unfairness of it all.
As I said up thread, try doing something proactive rather than just reacting. Ok, it may not change a damn thing but it will make you feel better. Please don't be bitter, take one step towards making your dcs education better, tomorrow. I know how you feel because I and many others have been there, but it is not the fault of the parents using Private education.

[Yermina]

"Yes, and it is up to the parents to provide it.

So basically the children of the poor and uneducated will continue, by and large, to be poor and uneducated, because inequality perpetuates itself.

Unless the state steps in and attempts to redress the balance.

Which most people on this thread, particularly the well off people with children at private schools, seem very unenthusiastic about.

Inequality is great for those people who are winning in an unfair system. (and from a child's point of view it IS massively unfair. Massively. No child has done anything to deserve being given a great education or a shit one).